Kosher Harakiri

Oi, I can’t wait! I have tickets for the new Holocaust musical in the Vest End! It is set in the Warsaw Ghetto, but the characters put on a play within a play about Masada, the fortress where 960 Jews did a kosher Harakiri just to put off the Romans. So I get two tragedies for the price of one! This is very helpful during a credit crunch.

Oi, and there is one song that goes:

“The weather’s a stinker
We’re bound for Treblinka
But in only a blink of an eye
We’ll be flying in the sky
You and me-e-e-e!
Our spirits soa-oaring
Forever free!”

I know I will come out with the CD, the T shirt and the Holocaust education pack they give you. But I am worried because the Times said one poor person in the audience went to see it and couldn’t stop vomiting for three hours. But it was probably the gefilthe fish he had that was too old. Plus if you go on public transport, the goyim carry so many germs! Certainly it can’t be the scene where they crucify a Christian slave on stage while singing kletzmar songs that made him sick!?

United Against Music

Aunties Open Letter to Sarah Silverman

Dear Sarah’le

When I saw your new film clip I told Mony’le to pack our suitcases & head for Denmark because these goyam will want to kill us all. Even despite the rising cost of british gas.

See more Sarah Silverman videos at Funny or Die

I know that you are on anti-depressents so you are obviously slightly fragile. But please please please leave suicide to the palestinains and this meshigine bin loiden. It is our job, as jews, to induce suicide in other people, not practice it ourselves. And Sarah’le what you did in your film is very dangerous for us all. Poor Mony’le is making a cup of tea right now wearing his gatkes and a gas mask made of Schnizel.. He is terrified & it is your fault.

Now, it is true that jews should vote for this black man who loves israel. We all know that he is the best one for us. But why not just send an annonimous email? Using our Jewish media like the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times and this Foxmanl News. Why to make the film, print the Tshirt & sell the mugs? When we jews run a war or paying for a Marxist revolution we find some clever ways to do it all.

Sarah’le my engale, everybody can see from your film that you vote for what is best for israel, not what is best for America , this makes you a trator. Look what they did to the meshigine boy from Califirnia who fought in the Taliban. They wrapped him up like a boil-in-the-bag duck al’orange & put him piece of kaken to rot for 20 years! You see Sarah’le, the goyim will start to realise that all this Credit Zimes is our Job. As you know, here in the Palestinian solidarity they know about Mony’le and Tranc’le. It won’t take long before the Americans see through us.

Now that I have told you off I will now give you 1 compliment. It is quite clever the way you adopt the persona of a spoilt racsist jewish princess when that is what you actually are. Oi!!! Very clever indeed.

Jackie Mason Talks the Peace

Oi would you check out this clip?! The way Jackie Mason spits whenever he says the word ‘Arab’ is beautiful! Such grace, such eloquence, such poignancy. The man is so Jewish he manages to speak in a Noo Joy-zee accent even though he is from Wisconsin. That takes some doing! It is like sounding like a Glaswegian if you were born in the Golan Heights. Such talent. I wonder did he study acting with Lee Strasboyg?

Now it seems that Mr Mason (who I admit I have a slight crush on) is not just a comedian. He is a historian too. But he has a few little glitches to iron out. He tells us ‘Not only do the Arabs (spit) not belong there (spit) but they were never there in the first place. (dribble) They never existed as a people or as an entity.’

Oi this is wonderful news. But then he tells us that the Palestinians were originally persecuted by Syria & Jordan & that’s how they came to live on our land. He says ‘Many of them were annihilated, so how come they don’t ask for anything in return?’

Good question. When someone murders my family I want to be offered a cash alternative.

I tell you, the whole thing stinks like a gefilte fish that’s been left in the fridge for 3 days because you had to rush out to recue T’ziga’le from the Police station again and you forgot to clean it out.

United Against Racism!

Chaplin’s Kristal Nacht Kid

Hoy, my neighbour kinder Tziga’le, he has some big ambitions. He wants to go Hollywood. I told him Hollywood is too far and the Holy Land would be far better. But he wants to be Metro Goldween Meyer or at least Chaimke Schpilberg. I told him, if he wants to be like Chaimke Shpilberg or Moisha’le Filini, he will have to learn from people like Yossa’le Scorsese.

So now he takes film classes in the shul near the Yeshiva on Sundays. They have a young Rabbi named Yanka’le Polanski who teaches them how to make musical films about the Shoa and our suffering. Last week they learned about Charlie Chaplin and his hidden Zionist message. In case you didn’t know, Charlie was working for us. Because he was so clever, everyone was sure that he was a true humanist.

You look at this film and judge for yourself. And take it from Auntie, instead of popcorn and coca cola, you’d better get some hot fresh rogalch from the nearby deli.

United Against Everyone

Click To Play

Nu, I am a Kazoo!

Despite recent developments, Tziga’le’s creative juices are overflowing. He spent the weekend creating this lyrical video clip about us, the musical people of Israoel.

Oy Vey, at the moment he is gearing up to meet the challenge posed by the delegation of sayanim who paid him a visit in the middle of the night, which I will write more about when I have strengthened myself after the WIZO ladies buffet lunch, where Tziga’le will be our special guest speaker…

United Against Racism!

Click To Play

SuperKosher

There was a clear and confident knock on my back door last night. I knew it was Tziga’le, my neighbour and a comrade, because he sometimes uses Morse Code for “Shalom, Tante Ziona”, just to stay in practice. You never know when you’re going to need Morse Code again.

I opened my door gladly because I have been worried about dear Tzigal’le ever since tRancie put out the word that all those marvellous video clips about tRance’le’s rise to power at Wikipedia were made by that scheigetz Atzmond, rather than Tziga’le himself. This was almost too much for our Tziga’le to bear.

But when he strode in through the back door last night with his Menorah in one hand and a victorious expression on his face, I knew Tziga’le had turned the corner.

“Come with me, Auntie Ziona,” he announced, leading the way to the little back room where he keeps his Macintoyesh across from a small shrine of holy objects dedicated to the us, the people of Isroel. He gave me the comfortable chair and lit all the candles on the Menorah, as well as a stick of incense with gefilthe blossom. At the centre of the altar was a photograph of tRancie receiving his award from the Israeli embassy a few years ago, flanked on the left by one of those beautiful Israeli children signing the bombs about to be delivered to Lebanon. On the right side was the Calendar of events for June of the Golders Green Holocaust Museum and the take-way menu from the now-defunct Kosher-Stews-R-Us, which was closed down after the rabbi found some melted cheese in his Cholent.

“Aunty Ziona,” Tziga’le said, “tRancie came here a couple of nights ago to ask me to forgive him for not telling the whole world who the creative genius was behind those clips. I feel much better about it now, Aunti’e Ziona. tRancie asked me to turn my talents instead to creating a video which would portray him as a hero, no more talk about being part of the Sayanim. A saviour of the world, coming to the aid of the workers’ children needing to be rescued from burning synagogues and such-like.”

He paused to pour us each a glass of Yarden Gewurztraminer Vintage imported from Isreel, which he picked up at Steimatzky’s store, and has been keeping for a special occasion.

“He promised that if I could portray him in a heroic light, he would give me full credit for creating the clip. But he insisted I had to make him look really magnificent. Well, I got to work straight away, Auntie Z. Watch this!” he said, clinking glasses…

United Against Racism!

Is tRance trying to bring a Shoah upon all of us?

Or is he a chafarferet?

When tRance arrived at my front door this afternoon, he was visibly shaken. He was wearing that blue and white pullover Mrs Mendelsohn knitted for him when he turned 18, that serves as a sort of security blanket which he brings out of the closet when things are not going well, or when he runs out of medication. The sleeve of the right arm was crusty again with dried snarly and his eyes were red and tearful.

“tRance’le,” I said, “Mein Kinde, what’s going on with you this time?” He sniffled and made his way to my computer to show me this page from Wikipedia, where no less than 466 enemies of his are identified. “I can’t take it any more, Auntie Ziona,” he said. “I thought those video clips Tziga’le made of me, I mean the ones made by Azmond, Finkelstein, Gibsohn and Carter, would stop this hate campaign against me and make me a popular boychick. I was wrong. My list of enemies has expanded rather than contracted, and I don’t know what to do any more!”

I had a look at the page and could not believe my eyes! So many people trying to stop agent 007.01 from carrying out his important work for Zion at Wikipedia, could it be true? I had to sit down. “And look at the horrible names they are coming up with here, Auntie Z.”, he said, “such as Bash rrance, Bedwetter Rance, Diarrhea Rance, HangTrot, Imprison RRance, and Rancie Stink. They despise me.”

“But tRancie, mein Kinde,” I said, “who are these people? Are all of them anti-Zionists?”

“Most of them, Auntie,” he said. “But some just don’t like my face, some are anti-Socialist, some are anti-Bolshevik, some are anti-Ashkenazi, some are anti-grandfathers, some are anti-Londoners, some are anti-babysitters and some are anti-atheists. But some of them are real Socialists and true humanists, and they just read through me.”

“But tRancie,” I said, “are you mad? You are collecting enemies the way Auntie Shelomi collects Hannukah recipes. You are paid to be a Sayan, not to bring a new Shoa on our people, what is wrong with you? All these people who hate you so much will come for all of us eventually… and tRanci’le, have you ever asked yourself why they all despise you so much? Is it because you are such a wonderful man? We are talking here about hundreds of people. A researcher could use this material as a case study for anti-semitism!”

I managed to calm him down with some borscht and a promise that I would take him for lunch at Blooms on Saturday, but after he left, something occured to me. A crazy notion, to be sure, but knowing tRancie the way I do, it could be a distinct possibility.

Could tRance’le himself be the person behind 95% of those so-called “sockpuppets”, to make it seem that he is being attacked by anti-zionist, anti-semitic, holocaust-denying Goyim, thus currying more favour with the Israeli Embassy and hoping for a little bonus? If so, and I know I’ve said this before…..our tRancie is more clever than he looks.

He is not just an ordinary Sayan. He may in fact be a double Sayan, what we call in Hebrew a Chafarferet.

United Against Racism

Comrades help ME! (It’s all about ME, after all)

In the picture is the zayde of a very naughty boy.

Tante Zionushke is concerned that a few of the family members reading this might be confused. Confused? We don’t want ourselves confused, that’s not right, so I will explain for you.

First of all, family members, Mony’le and tRance can’t seem to decide if Wikispeedio is important or if it’s not. Who knows? Do you? I dunno, but I get confused and so if I do, I know you do too, my little bubelahs. They told me, but I know it too, I’m a healthy woman, it’s all about making sure that there is total control, and if that’s what ya have to use, ya use it, and so I know you do too.

Mony’le has been trained to sneer at anyone who uses Shwickypeedio as a source, (except when he’s using it, and that’s good, Mony’le… keeping them confused is what we need to do, swing back and forth… long as it’s them being confused, mein lieblein.) We saw that when he was doing his job on that dago yenta, (using the very kosher Aleph-Alef list … he changes its spelling so I don’t know what it is, but he says it’s all good and only our people are allowed on it, so I am for it, even if they are for a two states “solution”, and I hate that word! It sounds too much like final solution and now I feel sick in my stomach. Let me rest.

Oy, now I’m better. I had some Brioschi and can finish this letter to you all. Except for Mony’le and the yenta who like a big state in the holy land. The Alephoids (he used that word and it sounds alien to me, but I didn’t to study chemistry like he did, so I bow down to the wisdom that lies in the sheep’s skin) like the two states thing and that is wrong. We are all for one state, one state for all our people and this is what we are promised and it’s ours and this is why we talk about it all the time so that no one knows any more what does that mean! We are clever, and don’t you forget it!

So, Mony’le doesn’t like the Schiwikeepeedia, but tRance does like it so much he has a rented room there, and we know he’s an atheist Grandpa that likes the Jazz. We need to know these things, because family is important, but don’t tell G-d you don’t believe in him no more! He might really get back at you for it, tRancnik. Don’t even tell Inbarushke, because she believes you are the G-d and this is why she keeps to feed you nice things that she learned how to cook back in Isroel.

So, to wickey or not to wickey… you boychiks have to get yourselves on the same page. Then, keep doing what you do to distract. This is what you are there for to do.

But, what I feel sad about is tRance looking for the help in the Scots champagne people. Haggis is not kosher, tRance’le! It looks so bad to cry for help in public like that way for your own problems, when we have to do it one by one, email by email, phone call by phone call, cell by cell. What you doing to send a letter like that, that those who can’t stand you leak around? You look like the big crybaby of the year! What they have to do for you, those peoples? They have to stop all their propagandas for the Arab invaders of our holy land and then to do something special for you? tRance’le ya mossik! That isn’t good looking! You make the anti-semites to laugh at you.

It’s not about you, it’s about the land, the people, the freedom and our good names as a people, which you always remember to say you belong to. Don’t make them to laugh you out of the town! Wise up! This is a little good advice from me and you better listen up and be good, because you spend so much of time as it is with the jazz player’s Webby Page that maybe no body even goes to read it, and time is money.

United Against Racism!

tRance Pleads with the Left for a Political Response

Oy Vey. Our man at Wikipedia, dear tRance’le, is falling apart and really starting to grasp at straws now.

My darling nephew, Mony Gripstein, just drew my attention to an appeal posted at his blog from tRance’le, where he gives credit to that horrible Gilad Atzmond for the beautiful video clips about tRancie, which my neighbour Tziga’le has spent months creating. Of course Tziga’le is very upset about tRancie’s ingratitide.

But not only that, tRancie is even appealing to all the schmucks on the Palestine Solidarity Movement to make some sort of a “political response” against Atzmond, who he believes is the creative genius behind these visual gems about our tRancie!! And he is besides himself with angst that they are all laughing at him, instead of responding to his appeal.

Seemingly, our favorite Sayan 007.01 Roland tRance is feeling the heat from every possible direction. Rumour has it that at a meeting of the Scottish PSC on Monday night, they reached a unanimous agreement that the SPSC will not endorse tRancie’s “abusive language” being posted on their discussion board. According to Mony’le, this cold-hearted decision was apparently made in response to our tRancie’s heartfelt e-mail to the Scottish PSC.

Nu Shoin, no one should be taken by surprise. The Scots do not love us at all.

Old Mrs Goldstein has promised to accompany tRancie to Doctor Schweinemann’s practise later today to see if his prescription can be changed a little bit, to help him get a grip.

If there is anyone out there who can help our tRancie deal with becoming famous and beloved to our Zionist brethren everywhere, please leave a comment or get in touch with us privately.

Oi ever, here is the comment from tRance’le on Mony’s site, with comments by me in Zionist Blue….

RRance said…
My dear comrades at azvsas, something terrible is happening to me…

I am SO upset. After opening my heart and posting on the Scottish PSC message board all my fears and angst about the YouTube videos making such a terrible exposure of my work at Wikipedia, they are ignoring me, and worse still, laughing at me. I appealed for their support, solidarity and a united political response from the Left….and instead I have become the joke of the Palestine Solidarity Movement.

The antisemitic piece of filth Gilad Atzmon has now gone beyond all reasonable bounds. He has posted scores of abusive videos about me on YouTube and elsewhere

Auntie Ziona says: It really hurts me and our Tziga’le to see that Azmond is being given credit for Tzigale’s cinematic talent.

, denouncing me as a Zionist and an agent of the Israeli Mossad.

Auntie Ziona says: Oi, tRancie, you are so confused, my little liebe…what is so wrong about being a Mossad agent?! Since you are operating as a Sayan, you should be proud about it… To us all, you are a real hero!

Some of them have even been posted under my own name.

Auntie Ziona says: This is not nice, but I am sure that this can be amended. Tziga’le was probably sure that as a Zionist Wikiman who operates under very many names and vandalises so many entries simultaneously, you would not have found the time to take care of YouTube posting, and he did not want you to feel left out when it came to the credits.

The videos are now being linked to and copied by hate sites across the world — for instance, by David Duke.

Auntie Ziona says: oi, this is indeed oi rible, do you mean David Duke, the right-wing Nazi devil, a real enemy of Zion? No wonder you are so upset, darlink tRancie. Oi vey, we have to do something about this!

Atzmon has also posted videos abusing other anti-Zionist Jews, including Tony Greenstein,

Auntie Ziona says: Surely you mean Mony Gripstein? I wonder why do they call him Tony, rather than Mony’le.

…Charlie Pottins and Mark Elf.

Auntie Ziona says: Oi, tRancie, it isn’t the stinky Atzmond, it is the beautiful Tziga’le, and as far as Ziona and the Ladies of Wizo were aware, we were actually praising all the work you had done for the Jewish Nation and Abe’le Foxman. And we always remember that you and Charlie and Elfie are all united against racism, which is so important for us.

This really leads one to question whose interest he is serving.

Auntie Ziona says: As far as Tziga’le is concerned, we know exactly who is it that he is serving, and so do you, my little liebe, since you are both serving the same master. For which we salute you.

But I don’t know how best to respond to this. I have contacted You Tube, whose response has been to “restrict” some of the videos — ie, to prevent anyone in Britain from viewing them.

Auntie Ziona says: Oi vey, this is no good at all because our tRancie believes in World Revoultion and he knows at least another two Jewish workers (also babysitters) over the sea.

But this is clearly not enough — the videos are libellous and maliciously false,

Auntie Ziona says: tRancie, do not go there my schatzie, why do you try to tell everybody that you don’t work for us?

…they damage my reputation wherever they are seen, and they could easily lead to physical threats against me.

Auntie Ziona says: From who, dear tRancie? Certainly not from the Mossad, who have nothing but praise for you. Your reputation as a Zionist Wikiman was already wonderful before Tziga’le took you under his wing… but now it is truly formidible. You should be happy for this.

And I spoke last night with Liz Davies, whose advice was basically that a libel action, even if successful, could cost thousands of pounds and ruin my life for several years.

In any case, a political response is needed here. Particularly since Atzmon is still taken seriously by parts of the left and the solidarity movement. Ths SWP maintains links with him (although for the first time in several years, he is not scheduled to take part in Marxism this year), and he spoke at a meeting of Exeter PSC last week. …So I am asking comrades for any advice about stemming and defeating this wave of vile personal, political and racist abuse which I am facing, I hope to start a discussion about how we oppose this tendency (of which Atzmon is the most egregious example, though unfortunately he is not alone), and I am appealing for your support and solidarity in confronting this harassment, which is clearly intended to destroy my political credibility……..

Auntie Ziona says: But tRancie, I think you are pulling our legs a little bit here, and I understand you do not want the Goyim to find out about your Wiki work for the Chosen People… but how can you give that Atzmond all the credit for building up your beautiful reputation with creative gems like these clips Tziga’le has spent so much time making? Tziga’le is sitting in tears here at my kitchen table, and asking me to beg you for the evidence that the creative genius behind the clips is that vile Atzmond. Can you please give explain to him why you are suspecting Atzmond, who as far as we know, is too busy making music and writing articles to help the Palestinians, and in any case does not have what it takes to produce cinematic work of such subtlety and grandeur.

Roland
Takhia Filastin!

Post script by Auntie Ziona: tRancie, the solution is for you to come with me and Mony to synagogue this Friday night. Come back to the stable, my sweet boy. Mrs. Goldstein’s daughter, Rachel, has offered to give you a lift so you do not have to walk there yourself in your present condition. United we will overcome.

United Against Racism!

tRance bombards the YouTube call centre in Louisiana

Hoy, my Tziga’leme Jewish Felini is such a clever boy. May I say it, I really love my Neighbour. I don’t really know how he did it, but he managed to get hold of a telephone conversation between Red Sayam 007.01, also known as Roland tRance, and a receptionist Shikze at a call centre in Louisiana.

All along I have been sure that it was the anti-Semites who were removing Sayan 007.01’s clips from YouTube. Now I realize that it was Sayan 007.01 himself.

Our man at Wikipdia realised that as an exposed agent, he may lose his day job at the Israeli Embassy.

Hoy tRance’le, don’t you worry. Isroel and Ziona are right behind you. Keep up the pressure on the anti-Semites.

United Against Racism!