Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

December 18, 2008

Elie Wiesel Homes in on the Holocaust Museum


Yom Tov and Gut Yuntiff!

Talking about our Elie’le, here is the latest electronic gadget from our high tech Eretz Yisrael: The Holocaust Memorial satellite navigation system.

We have reached our destination!

United Against Another Shoah

Yom Tov/ Gut Yuntiff –
Good Day, a Jewish holiday. On religious holidays, we greet each other with “Gut Yuntiff”, which is Yiddish for “Good Yom Tov” or “Good holiday.”

December 17, 2008

No Metziah for Elie Wiesel


Oy gevalt, our humanist Elie Wiesel, who managed to survive the Shoa, is one of the many victims of this mishuggah gonif, Madoff.

Elie’le was bargaining on a groisse metziah, but instead he landed up with bupkis.

I am soi concerned for at least two reasons:

1. The Goyim may start to wonder why, if Elie is such an ethical human being, he gave all his gelt to such a no-goodnik swindler.

2. I am soi afraid that having lost all his gelt, Elie’le will also lose his faith in Jewish innocence. He may even stand up and throw his shoes at Madoff when he starts to understand where anti-Semitism comes from!

Oi ever, I have just seen this clip on Mary’le’s website, Palestine Shtick Tank, made by a Jordanian academy award winner, Mustafa Abu Fellini.

Obviously, even these islamofasicts can see that our Elie’le is a real mensch.

United Against Anti-Semitism

Bupkis (bup-kiss) – literally, beans. Colloquially, nothing. “You’re gonna sue me?! You know what you’ll get!!?? Bupkis!”

Gelt – gold, money

Gonif (gon-niff) – thief, dishonest person, embezzler, unscrupulous businessman

Goyim – the non-Chosen, the gentiles

Groisse – big, large

Metziah (metz-see-yah) – bargain, often used sarcastically. “They were having a sale on shoes, marked down from $800 to a mere $600. They call that a metziah? When they’re $25 a pair, then I’ll buy them!”

Menscha decent human being, a good, honest person who always takes the high road. Being called a mensch is the ultimate compliment.

Mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts, loony-tunes.

No-goodnik – a worthless piece of humanity.

Oy gevalt – an expression of dismay

December 16, 2008

Madoff’s List – Bernie, Come Home!


Oy vey. It is all Hitler’s fault.

Before the big war, the goyim knew pretty well how fishy we could be with money. But because of this mishuggah anti-Semite Hitler, they became convinced that the defeat of the Nazis was also a declaration of our innocence.

Oi ever, it was not only the stupid goyim who gave their gelt to Bernie Madoff. Everyone thought he was a heymishe Jewish guy. Even Steven’le Shpielberg and Elie Wiesel handed over all their shekels to this Yiddisher ganef, and now they’re wondering where the next bowl of chicken soup is coming from.

Last Passover I told that old alta kocker, “Bernie’le, why don’t you learn from Mony’le? Do it in small steps, one chicken here, a credit card there. 50 billion is just a bit too much in one helping.”

I tell you, I feel it in my kishkas. Even my dog Ponzi is looking nervous. For so long we have managed to effectively silence the goyim with this political correctness, but I always knew that eventually they would come for us. I am so worried.

I really hope Bernard’le left some money under the floorboards so that he can at least pay back Shpielberg to cover the costs of his new Swindler’s List production.

He may even call it “Madoff’s List”.

United against a new Shoah

Alta Kocker an old shit or an old fart.

Geltgold, money. Hanukkah gelt are the chocolate gold-foiled coins traditionally given at the holiday.

Gonif (gon-niff) – thief, dishonest person, embezzler, unscrupulous businessman.

Haymishe – warm, homey, friendly.

Kishkaguts, intestines. “I was so upset, I was eating my kishkas out!” “Some secret agent! After 10 minutes of questioning, he spilled his kishkas!”

Mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts, loony-tunes.

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