Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

November 29, 2008

Shalom Bombay

Eight people are dead in the terror attacks in Mumbai, as well as 142 goyim.

Why!? Why to kill Rabbi Holtzberg? Oi oi oi, what a man he was! Even though he could have lived in Tel Aviv or Bnel Brak or Bevely Hills or Miami if he had wanted to, Rabbi Holzberg chose to go and live among the Indians, people who have more gods than I have gefilthe fish recipes, people who let water buffalo live in their bedrooms, people whose only ambition is to jump into the Ganges river without a proper swimsuit on…
Today C and N say Rabbi Holtzberg lived among these people so that he could ‘spread Jewish pride‘ around the world and so that stoned Jewish backpacker kinderlachs had somewhere they could enjoy a bowl of hot chicken soup, without having to look at cow testicles or elephant shrines (is it a religion or a zoo?).

These terrorist Arab, Pakistani, Indian, Tamul Camel Tigers, whoever they are, always come with the same spiel: “Iraq, Palestine, Lebanon, yada yada yada” What about the 5000 Jews of India? Where will they eat now?

United Against Curry

Goyim – non-Jewish people, gentiles
Kinderlachs – children
Yada Yada Yada – blah blah blah

June 13, 2008


Filed under: goyim, hasbara, hero, Jews, Kosher, Sayan 007.01, superhero, tRance, Wiki, zionism — auntieziona @ 4:58 pm

There was a clear and confident knock on my back door last night. I knew it was Tziga’le, my neighbour and a comrade, because he sometimes uses Morse Code for “Shalom, Tante Ziona”, just to stay in practice. You never know when you’re going to need Morse Code again.

I opened my door gladly because I have been worried about dear Tzigal’le ever since tRancie put out the word that all those marvellous video clips about tRance’le’s rise to power at Wikipedia were made by that scheigetz Atzmond, rather than Tziga’le himself. This was almost too much for our Tziga’le to bear.

But when he strode in through the back door last night with his Menorah in one hand and a victorious expression on his face, I knew Tziga’le had turned the corner.

“Come with me, Auntie Ziona,” he announced, leading the way to the little back room where he keeps his Macintoyesh across from a small shrine of holy objects dedicated to the us, the people of Isroel. He gave me the comfortable chair and lit all the candles on the Menorah, as well as a stick of incense with gefilthe blossom. At the centre of the altar was a photograph of tRancie receiving his award from the Israeli embassy a few years ago, flanked on the left by one of those beautiful Israeli children signing the bombs about to be delivered to Lebanon. On the right side was the Calendar of events for June of the Golders Green Holocaust Museum and the take-way menu from the now-defunct Kosher-Stews-R-Us, which was closed down after the rabbi found some melted cheese in his Cholent.

“Aunty Ziona,” Tziga’le said, “tRancie came here a couple of nights ago to ask me to forgive him for not telling the whole world who the creative genius was behind those clips. I feel much better about it now, Aunti’e Ziona. tRancie asked me to turn my talents instead to creating a video which would portray him as a hero, no more talk about being part of the Sayanim. A saviour of the world, coming to the aid of the workers’ children needing to be rescued from burning synagogues and such-like.”

He paused to pour us each a glass of Yarden Gewurztraminer Vintage imported from Isreel, which he picked up at Steimatzky’s store, and has been keeping for a special occasion.

“He promised that if I could portray him in a heroic light, he would give me full credit for creating the clip. But he insisted I had to make him look really magnificent. Well, I got to work straight away, Auntie Z. Watch this!” he said, clinking glasses…

United Against Racism!

April 21, 2008

I am Jewish!

Filed under: Holocaust, Jewish, Jews, Kosher, rabbi — auntieziona @ 3:16 pm

To calm ourselves down in these challenging times when the anti-Semites surround us from every angle, even within our very own IDF, we can always listen to the wise words from my favourite video clip:
I am Jewish….

April 19, 2008

Only a Goy can be such a fool

This Jimmy Cunter really learned his lesson in Heretz Isroel this week. He thought that because he was once President of America, he could tell the Jews what to do and how to do it.
I tell you, this anti-semite president Cunter lives in the past. Nowadays the American Presidents all know that it is the Jews who tell them what to do rather than the other way around. We are telling them what to do not because we are that clever or rich. It is just because we have a plan for this world. We always had a plan for humanity to offer while the Goyim have none. We invented almighty G_d, we invented the church, we came up with socialism and later with liberalism and even this Freud, who tells people what they think for real, was one of us.
Yes, there is one thing we didn’t invent, it is called Islam and you can all see what a mess it is. I tell you, if I never hear another word of Arabic in my life, it will be too soon! In our Jewish world we always know who are the baddies and who are the goodies. We always know who is Koisher and who are the devils. And guess what, we always know how to get others to fight the devils. We are a very simple act to follow. And most importantly, we are associated with wisdom and success, so people really like to be around us. Except this idiotic Jew-hater Jimmy Cunter.
Even this new joker Barak Obambi, who pretended to be a hard nut to crack, is now begging for us to tell him what to do. He even stood up against his Veteran president a day ago, denouncing him talking to those terrorists who plan to bring a new shoah on our innocent people in Isroel.
Look at this anti-semite Cunter, what is it that he wants? He says that he wants to bring peace and hope to the Middle East. If he was as clever as he claims to be, he would understand that our people’s hope doesn’t live in peace with anyone else’s hope. This Goy Jimmy believes that peace should be made by both parties. Let me tell you, only a Goy can be such a fool.We don’t believe in a dialogue. We believe in stick and carrot. We believe in lobbying, we believe in ourselves. We believe that our G_d will punish our enemies when we tell him to do so. Just because our G_d knows that if he fails to provide the goods, we can always dump him and invent a new one.

Together Against Racism!

April 17, 2008

Auntie’s Revelation

All my neighbors in Golders Green and all the ladies at the North West London Wizo social club asked me yesterday: ‘Auntie Ziona, why do you do it, why a blog, why now, what happened, are you going meshige? They, God bless them, thought that we may have encountered a sudden illness in the family, so I try raise money on line. I don’t know what is it with our people. They always think money.

I told my friends in Wizo it recently occurred to me that what the people of Isroel need now is a mother, a woman figure, a 21st century prophet Deborah. Not a military veteran warrior like Sharoin, Rabin or Shimshoin der Giber, but a woman with big Jewish kitchen and a pair of enormous white bazookas! A female stature who spreads love, a person who grew up between boiling pots of Jewish dishes, an elder Jewess who knows how to assemble the entire Jewish people and its lost sons around a single big cosmic table. What we need is a new Golda Meir, a woman who knows how to turn a chicken into an aspirin, a woman who knows how to turn her 30 year old infantile son into a leading world heart surgeon. And guess what, three nights ago I realised that I am that woman! In the middle of the night, a gorgeous Ashkenazi angel appeared to me when I was fast asleep. He was flying in circles between our house and Bloom Delicatessen. I could see his beautiful white wings with the blue stars in between the anti-tank rockets and his armpits. He didn’t have to land or say a thing. The message was clear: I am the woman. Auntie Ziona is going to be the saver of the People of Isroel.

First thing in the morning, even before I made Maza balls for Pesach, I called my nephew Mony Gripstein who lives in Brighton. You ask why I called him rather than Lord Levy or David Abrahams. So here is my answer. I called him in spite of his horrendous reputation and in spite of his, how to say it, unlawful past. I called him because for me he is a Jewish progressive revolutionary Robin Hood. Except just a few minor differences. Robin Hood pinched from the rich and gave to the poor, Mony’le pinched from the poor and gave to himself.

I called Mony’le because deep in his heart he is a Jew like all of us, and like all of us he relentlessly fights the haters of Isroel. And guess what, Mony’le didn’t ask questions, he took the bus first, because he doesn’t have a car and the train is too expensive. He schlepped all the way to Golders Green. He took me to this Appleboim Macintoyesh centre in Brent Cross and bought me this beautiful white machine which I call Jewish Powermac. Mony’le promised me that though all the Appleboim computers are made in China by little yellow Maoist goyim, they are perfectly kosher cos the knowledge comes from Intel Isroel. To make a long story short, he said that should I feel completely Jewishly safe between Beijing and Jerusalem.

Mony’le was sitting with me and showed me how to switch it on. Just to keep him happy I served him with some small appetizers: rogalch, chopped liver, soup with maza balls, borsht with yogurt and apple shtrudle with cream. He ate everything except the soup, because the Maza came from Isroel and Tony’le supports the boycott of Isroeli products. It is very clever of Tony, because it makes the Goyims believe that not all Jews are bad. I tell you, the Kosher diet of the Jewish Marxists is even more complicated than the frumers of Stanford Hill.

Mony’le didn’t waste time, he took me for a long journey into this wonderful world called internet that was of course invented by our people in Tel Aviv scientific park for the benefit of humanity. And he then took me to see all these anti-Simone horrible specimens such as this Noam Chopsky and Norman Finkelstein, Isroel Shamir and Marsheimer, and Jeff Blankfort and Paul Eoisen who I know since he was a little baby. I tell you, this Eoisen always had a big problem, he was always too honest and genuine. He could never be an ordinary tribal Jew in million years.

And then, guess what, Mony’le took me to see this Klezmer musician whom he hates, Axmen or Yatsman whatever his name is, we saw him on youtube. I tell you, the way he blows his trumete, my loins were shaking in my lower belly. I tell you, for a second I wished this Axman was my nephew rather than Mony’le. One look at his eyes, and I knew he would love my Maza balls. I thought of him coming over to eat my gefilthe. But then I learned from Mony’le that this Axman is a self-hater and ex-Jew, and he mixes with Nazis and he is a lost man in general. And if this is not enough, this horrible Axman is not impressed with Jewish Radicals either. He says that Marxist Jews are there to trick the Goyim. What can I say, this trumpeter is no stupid. He may be right about that one but why is he sharing the truth with the Goyim?

Before Mony’le left, he sat with me and set this site that looks exactly like his.

I am the Auntie for all the Jewish people around the world. For the self lovers, and the Zionists, and the Religious, and the orthodox and the semi-orthodox, and the reforms. But I am as well the auntie for the self-haters. I am the Auntie of our lost Jewish tribe: for the Jewish Bolsheviks, and the Jewish cosmopolitans and the Jewish atheists and the Jewish anti-Zionists. I am their Auntie because we are one people made and one blood, and we are all united by hatred, and loath to those who do not accept us for who we are and what we are.

Here is my word: Give me a year and I will bring all of us together even before Rosh Ashana.

And guess what, if I am as clever as I pretend to be, I promise to bring back the Auntie Simones: The Chomskys, the Shamirs, the Eoisen, the Axmans, Jesus, Spinoize and hopefully Jimmy Cunter or whatever you call him. We are one people made and of one blood, and I will bring us all together.

As Mony Gripstein says

We are all United Against Racism

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