Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

November 29, 2008

Shalom Bombay

Eight people are dead in the terror attacks in Mumbai, as well as 142 goyim.

Why!? Why to kill Rabbi Holtzberg? Oi oi oi, what a man he was! Even though he could have lived in Tel Aviv or Bnel Brak or Bevely Hills or Miami if he had wanted to, Rabbi Holzberg chose to go and live among the Indians, people who have more gods than I have gefilthe fish recipes, people who let water buffalo live in their bedrooms, people whose only ambition is to jump into the Ganges river without a proper swimsuit on…
Today C and N say Rabbi Holtzberg lived among these people so that he could ‘spread Jewish pride‘ around the world and so that stoned Jewish backpacker kinderlachs had somewhere they could enjoy a bowl of hot chicken soup, without having to look at cow testicles or elephant shrines (is it a religion or a zoo?).

These terrorist Arab, Pakistani, Indian, Tamul Camel Tigers, whoever they are, always come with the same spiel: “Iraq, Palestine, Lebanon, yada yada yada” What about the 5000 Jews of India? Where will they eat now?

United Against Curry

Goyim – non-Jewish people, gentiles
Kinderlachs – children
Yada Yada Yada – blah blah blah
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November 25, 2008

Is Saint Bibi the One we have been waiting for?

Oy vay, our Likudnik Bibi Netanyahu never misses a beat.

As America pulled off the most vunderlekh marketing campaign in history with the launch of Obambi’le in the role of Jesus Christ Superstar, and managed to rebrand itself as well as “wipe the slate clean”, our koisher politicians in Israel have been watching and learning.

“No shmate,” Bibi’le thought to himself, “if good public relations can make a presidential saint out of an ordinary shabbat goy with a dodgy background, maybe I can come out of the election looking like the Messiah! Wiping the slate clean would be so nice…”

Our Bibi, who recently called for the islamofascist president of Iran to be tried for genocide at The Hague, saying: “We must cry Gevalt before the entire world,” is most well known for stating in 2001 that the 9/11 Twin Tower attacks were “very good”:

Asked tonight what the attack meant for relations between the United States and Israel, Benjamin Netanyahu, the former prime minister, replied, ”It’s very good.” Then he edited himself: ”Well, not very good, but it will generate immediate sympathy.”


Nu shoin, so after giving his website a massive face lift to make it look like a mirror of Obambi’s,

Copycat Bibi’le also decided to put two of our best mishpokhe in charge of his upcoming election campaign, and recruited Bill Knapp and Josh Isay, the hasbara strategists who stage-managed Obambi’s record-breaking campaign after first cutting their teeth on promoting Mikhael’le Bloomberg and Senator Joe’le Lieberman.

I’ve heard that Bill Knapp has advised Bibi to keep working on his tan for now, and is already unearthing startling evidence of Bibi’s paternal roots in Ethiopia, as well as his ties to the Jewish saints of Morocco.

And with Josh “DoubleClick” Isay at the helm, our Benyamin won’t even have to use his messianic intuition to access, without their permission, the personal details and private information of visitors to his site.

Good luck Bibi’le, and as my bobeshi used to say, Ez men est khazer zol rinen ariber der bord – If you’re going to eat pork, eat the best kind.

United Against Terrorism!

vunderlekh – wonderful
no shmate
no shit
shabbat goy – the gentile employed in a Jewish household on the Sabbath-day to perform services which are religiously forbidden to Jews on that day

gevalt – an expression of dismay
mishpokhe
– family, kin, can also mean “crime family”
hasbara – a word encompassing information as well as propaganda
bobeshi – granny

November 24, 2008

Kosher Harakiri

Oi, I can’t wait! I have tickets for the new Holocaust musical in the Vest End! It is set in the Warsaw Ghetto, but the characters put on a play within a play about Masada, the fortress where 960 Jews did a kosher Harakiri just to put off the Romans. So I get two tragedies for the price of one! This is very helpful during a credit crunch.

Oi, and there is one song that goes:
“The weather’s a stinker
We’re bound for Treblinka
But in only a blink of an eye
We’ll be flying in the sky
You and me-e-e-e!
Our spirits soa-oaring
Forever free!”

I know I will come out with the CD, the T shirt and the Holocaust education pack they give you. But I am worried because the Times said one poor person in the audience went to see it and couldn’t stop vomiting for three hours. But it was probably the gefilthe fish he had that was too old. Plus if you go on public transport, the goyim carry so many germs! Certainly it can’t be the scene where they crucify a Christian slave on stage while singing kletzmar songs that made him sick!?

United Against Music

November 21, 2008

Kosher Bigotry


Here in England the goyim are so strange. They really go after those people from the BNP, but they somehow fail to see that we are racist to the bone!

Yesterday our president Shima’le Peres said to the Times:

“If Switzerland were to build a nuclear bomb, we would not be necessarily alarmed. But I would not say Ahmadinejad has a Swiss temperament”.

Oi vey, I think this is the most racist comment anyone has ever said! But luckily for us, instead of throwing Shima’le out of the country, the royal goyim turn him into a knight.

But take it from Auntie, Shimale is not the only racist. This is what Tzipi’le had to say yesterday to the United Jewish Communities General Assembly:

“We need not to forget the ultimate goal of the State of Israel,” she said. “We need to keep the nature of the State of Israel, the character of the State of Israel, as a Jewish state because this is the raison d’etre of the State of Israel.”

And this is what Auntie wants to hear. Israel is our state, it is Jewish and it is for Jews only!!! All the other people can just piss off. There are enough countries for the Arabs. Israel is our one and only Jewish state.

United Against Everybody

November 19, 2008

A Shikse with a Yiddisher Kop

Oy oy oy, we are so happy to hear that Hillary has accepted the Secretary of State position from our Obambi’le.

Condoleeza’le will be able to sleep well at night when she goes off to play the piano, knowing that Hillary is on the job.

Our Hillary has supported Israel for such a long time, even more so than her husband Bill, and she was the one who urged him to make “a different decision” when he was the President and the US once failed to use its veto to protect Israel in the Security Council.

Our Hillary’le is having a fantastic week, with Israel’s blockade of food and medical supplies into Gaza and the tanks rolling into Rafah on Tuesday. She’s been in favour of cutting off US aid if Palestine doesn’t do what we, the Jews, want, since before her husband was President.

When asked about the possibility of a Palestinian State, she stated: “There is no question mark next to me. There’s an exclamation point. I am an emphatic, unwavering supporter of Israel’s safety and security.”

Oy vey, what more could we ask for? She may be a shikse, but she’s a shikse with a yiddisher kop.

In 2005, she visited our Israel and met with Ariel Sharon, who she described as “a courageous” man. Then she chose to have her photo-op at the Israeli settlement of Gilo, built on land confiscated from Palestinians, and one of nine settlements and 78 checkpoints enclosing Bethlehem.

And our Hillary’le stood in in front of the separation wall that the government of Israel was building with American money, and praised the wall, calling it a “fence” and a “security barrier to keep terrorists out,” even though the UN World Court had declared that it was “contrary to international law”. She even had the chutzpah to say she had “taken the International Court of Justice to task for questioning Israel’s right to build the fence”!

Oh yes, we can forget about the UN World Court and the United Nations messing in our business any more once Hillary comes to power. Hillary loves the Jewish people, and she supports all of Israel’s ways of oppressing and eventually expelling all the Palestinians remaining west of the Jordan River. She is one of us.

We can remain tranquil, knowing that our Hillary also hates Iran. She said, “the dire threat posed by the potential of a nuclear-armed Iran, not only to Israel, but also to Europe and Russia. Just this week, the new president of Iran made further outrageous comments that attacked Israel’s right to exist that are simply beyond the pale of international discourse and acceptability. During my meeting with Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, I was reminded vividly of the threats that Israel faces every hour of every day … It became even more clear how important it is for the United States to stand with Israel…”

With Rahm’le Emanuel as Chief of Staff and Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State, Obambi is really giving the Arabs the middle finger. We can sit beside the pool and relax, knowing that there will be no change in his Middle East policies.

Mazel Tov, Hillary!

United Against the Arabs!

Shikse – Any non-Jewish woman, often referring to the curvy blonde that every loving Jewish mother fears her son will marry
Kop – head
Goyim – non-Jewish people


Cross-posted at The People’s Voice

November 17, 2008

Sir Peres, the Knight of the Body Bags

Filed under: Gaza, Israel, Kfar Kana, knight, knighthood, nuclear, Queen Elizabeth, Shimon Peres, UN Food Relief — auntieziona @ 8:37 pm


Mazal Tov! Isn’t it beautiful the way the goyim leaders are lining up to bestow honours on Israel?

First we had Obambi turning the Blue and White House into a Mossad zone, and now the Queen of England is making Buckingham Palace a place of asylum for our yiddishe piraten.

Our No.1 serial murderer, President Shimon Peres, the butcher from Kfar Kana, and the man who pioneered the Israeli nuclear project, arrives in the UK on Monday for a three-day state visit highlighted by his being given an honorary knighthood!

The goyim are so stupid, and we, the Jews, are getting away with murder on a grand scale. Either the goyim really love us, or they are really afraid of us, or maybe they hate themselves as much as we hate them.

We have managed to take Gaza back to the dark ages. Our Israel is starving the Palestinians, we have switched off their power, cut off their medical supplies and even barred UN Food Relief, and now our Minister of Defense is promising a large-scale invasion of Gaza in “just a matter of time”.

And the goyim, instead of condemning us, are going to award our president with the title of Knight! Maybe they believe that if they don’t match or better Obambi’s example, then the Cash Machine Levy and the Labour Friends of Israel will hide away their wallets.

Oy oy oy, our Shimon’le is to be awarded a Knight Grand Cross of the Most Distinguished Order of St. Michael and St.George (KCMG), the sixth most-senior award in the British system, given only to individuals who have “rendered important services in relation to foreign nations”.
Maybe I am missing something, but why is it so important for the Queen to endorse the killing of so many innocent Lebanese?

Nu Shoin, I am just an auntie from Golders Green, what do I know…?

United Against the Goyim!

November 15, 2008

Oxford Students in ‘Bring a Jew’ Party Row

Are they anti-Semite bigots or are they for real?

Some people from Goldsmith College say they like to interpret texts, but in Blooms and WIZO we prefer to just interrupt them!

An article from the Guardian, November 15

Oxford University is investigating after students allegedly held a party at which they were told to arrive dressed as Orthodox Jews carrying bags of money (as if they were Labour friends of Israel). Students in the under-21 rugby squad are said to have attached pretend side locks to their heads at the “bring a fit Jew party”. If they called it “bring a hypochondriac Jew party” they probably would have had more people. Side locks are worn by Orthodox Jewish men. The party, at a curry house on Wednesday (I hope it was a kosher curry house with gefilthe fish Marsala), has been condemned by the Jewish community as “at best insensitive and ignorant: at worst blatantly antisemitic”.

The Community Security Trust, which deals with antisemitic attacks together with the police on behalf of the Jewish community, said the party would make Jewish students feel “isolated and vulnerable”, instead of chosen & superior? A spokesman for the Union of Jewish Students in the UK said: “The actions of a few students have caused real offense. We are appalled that in 2008 old myths like Lord “cash Machine” Levi & that nice proxy master, Mr Abrahams and antisemitic stereotypes are still appearing among supposedly educated students.” Indeed he is correct. If they want a real Jewish progressive education they should have gone to Brighton Polytechnic.

The captain of the under-21 team, Phil Boon, said he “didn’t see what the problem was”. He said Jewish girls had accepted invites to the party. “I can understand why it might have offended some people, but it would have been an awesome social.” If he had been just slightly more circumcised and with the appropriate blood. Boon refused to comment further. But with goyim pretending to be Jews, how were the real Jewish girls supposed to know who had had their swantzes chopped and who didn’t? It’s not very lady-like to insist that a man get out his zooglefreid out on the first date, but in these circumstances, who has a choice?

Oxford University has launched an investigation into the party. A spokesman from the university said: “The university is currently investigating a report about inappropriate behaviour by two or three students. We cannot comment on the case as we are yet to establish the facts. However, the university condemns unreservedly racial stereotyping.” Dr Winston Kosher Pickett, director of the European Institute for the Study of Contemporary Antisemitism, said: “When blatant and malicious Jewish stereotypes surface in the public space –particularly in an academic setting – the shock is palpable”. I know about shock and even artichoke, but what is shock and palpable? And besides, we pay Rabbi kosher Pickett to study Contemporary Antisemitism, so it doesn’t really make sense that, as soon as a current of anti Jewish rage occurs, he starts to complain. Would he prefer a ‘Don’t Bring A Jew Party?’

“On the one hand they make us realise how embedded they are in the collective consciousness. This is indeed what assimilation was there to resolve, but we always refused to jump on the train… while at the same time they send a clear signal of how important it is to educate others as to their hurtful nature. Hopefully the university will use this opportunity to do just that.

Oi these Guardian articles are so long, by the end I am just thinking about whether or not I remembered to defrost the gefilthe fish.

Wiki plays ball with our Rahm

Filed under: Benjamin Emanuel, Google, Irgun, Islamophobia, Israel, Rahm Emanuel, Wikipedia — auntieziona @ 2:13 pm

Oy gevalt, the meshugener goyim created such a plotz about our Benjamin’le’s innocent remark. They assumed that Rahm’s papale was saying that Obambi himself was only fit to clean the floors of the Blue and White House!

To keep the Arab street from kvetching, Rahm’le had to instruct our Wiki sayanim, Jayjg and Avraham to quickly remove Dr. Emanuel’s page from Wikipedia, and our boys at Google to sanitise the page from even the Google cache!

Luckily Auntie Shelomi made a snapshot of Dr. Benjamin’s original Wiki entry for her altar, or it would have been lost forever.

The WIZO ladies of Golders Green will be paying tribute to Dr. Benjamin and his heroic contribution to the creation of Israel tomorrow with a marathon baking session, with the winning babka to be couriered across the Atlantic first thing on Monday morning to our Benjamin’le in Illinois.


United Against the Goyim!

November 14, 2008

"What is he, an Arab?"

Oi vey, Rahm’le Emanuel, our Mossad shpion in the white house is really too polite to the Arabs. Maybe it is because he was initially trained as a ballerina.

Read for yourself:

“Obama’s incoming chief-of-staff, Rahm Emanuel, apologized to an Arab-American group for his father’s line when asked about his loyalties: “What is he, an Arab?”

“Today, Rep. Emanuel called Mary Rose Oakar, President of the American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee, apologized on behalf of his family and offered to meet with representatives of the Arab-American community at an appropriate time in the future,” said an Emanuel spokesman, Nick Papas.”

Rahm’le, don’t you forget that it is our money you are playing with.

United Against the Goyim!

November 12, 2008

It’s Shoah Time, Kinderlekh!

Filed under: British schools, Holocaust, shoa — auntieziona @ 2:39 am


Nu shoin, today has not been a good day.

It was enough already to be reminded of Kristallnacht this morning, when old Mrs Mendelsohn deliberately smashed her crystal glass in Blooms, just to bring home which day it was to the goyim at the next table.

But then having to read about the British government’s Shoa enthusiasm in the Times this afternoon!

Oy gevalt, every secondary school is to get a Shoa specialist. Apparently one teacher from every school will be offered the subject of Holocaust Studies.

On the one hand, it is so important to teach the goyim kinderlekh about the Shoa, to make sure that they grow up to be qualified Islamophobes. So that once they join the British army, they can punish Iraqis, Afghans, Pakistanis, and with the help of G_d, even Iranians, for the crimes committed against us by the Nazis.

Oi ever, I really do not not like Shoa and scholarship getting mixed up together. For so many years, we managed to stop intellectual sheigetz from asking too many questions. But once we let them in, this may lead to a new Shoa.

We really can’t let the goyim start teaching our history. Oi ever, as long as they are learning about Bergen-Belzen rather than silly Waterloo and D-Day, they will keep fighting our wars.

It’s very important for the goyim to learn about Anti-Semitism, just to make sure that if ever they join the BNP, they’ll at least know why.

We must also make sure that if they read about our Mossad operative in the Blue and White House, and feel a tide of Anti-Semitism invading their souls, they will realise immediately that they aren’t all that original.

United Against Shoa Education!

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