Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

June 30, 2008

Jackie Mason Talks the Peace

Oi would you check out this clip?! The way Jackie Mason spits whenever he says the word ‘Arab’ is beautiful! Such grace, such eloquence, such poignancy. The man is so Jewish he manages to speak in a Noo Joy-zee accent even though he is from Wisconsin. That takes some doing! It is like sounding like a Glaswegian if you were born in the Golan Heights. Such talent. I wonder did he study acting with Lee Strasboyg?

Now it seems that Mr Mason (who I admit I have a slight crush on) is not just a comedian. He is a historian too. But he has a few little glitches to iron out. He tells us ‘Not only do the Arabs (spit) not belong there (spit) but they were never there in the first place. (dribble) They never existed as a people or as an entity.’

Oi this is wonderful news. But then he tells us that the Palestinians were originally persecuted by Syria & Jordan & that’s how they came to live on our land. He says ‘Many of them were annihilated, so how come they don’t ask for anything in return?’

Good question. When someone murders my family I want to be offered a cash alternative.

I tell you, the whole thing stinks like a gefilte fish that’s been left in the fridge for 3 days because you had to rush out to recue T’ziga’le from the Police station again and you forgot to clean it out.

United Against Racism!

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June 26, 2008

Tzigale, You Must Learn from Walt Disney

Filed under: Moishe tRance, Mony Gripstein, Walt Disney — auntieziona @ 12:06 am

Yesterday Mony’le and tRanc’le came for Tshulent and brought with them this wonderful cartoon. They admitted that Tzigale’s films are too artistic for the Jewish working class. Not just Mony and tRanc’le but Potty as well. They wondered whether Tzigale can come up with some simplistic films that would help the three Jewish Marxists to fight the anti Semites.

Tzigale, what do you say?

United Against Something

June 20, 2008

Chaplin’s Kristal Nacht Kid

Filed under: anti-semitism, Charlie Chaplin, Hollywood, Jews, Kristal Nacht, The Kid, Tziga'le, zionism — auntieziona @ 12:17 pm

Hoy, my neighbour kinder Tziga’le, he has some big ambitions. He wants to go Hollywood. I told him Hollywood is too far and the Holy Land would be far better. But he wants to be Metro Goldween Meyer or at least Chaimke Schpilberg. I told him, if he wants to be like Chaimke Shpilberg or Moisha’le Filini, he will have to learn from people like Yossa’le Scorsese.

So now he takes film classes in the shul near the Yeshiva on Sundays. They have a young Rabbi named Yanka’le Polanski who teaches them how to make musical films about the Shoa and our suffering. Last week they learned about Charlie Chaplin and his hidden Zionist message. In case you didn’t know, Charlie was working for us. Because he was so clever, everyone was sure that he was a true humanist.

You look at this film and judge for yourself. And take it from Auntie, instead of popcorn and coca cola, you’d better get some hot fresh rogalch from the nearby deli.

United Against Everyone

June 16, 2008

Nu, I am a Kazoo!

Filed under: Israel, Jews, Kazoo, Tziga'le, WISO, zionism — auntieziona @ 3:07 pm

Despite recent developments, Tziga’le’s creative juices are overflowing. He spent the weekend creating this lyrical video clip about us, the musical people of Israoel.

Oy Vey, at the moment he is gearing up to meet the challenge posed by the delegation of sayanim who paid him a visit in the middle of the night, which I will write more about when I have strengthened myself after the WIZO ladies buffet lunch, where Tziga’le will be our special guest speaker…

United Against Racism!

June 13, 2008

SuperKosher

Filed under: goyim, hasbara, hero, Jews, Kosher, Sayan 007.01, superhero, tRance, Wiki, zionism — auntieziona @ 4:58 pm


There was a clear and confident knock on my back door last night. I knew it was Tziga’le, my neighbour and a comrade, because he sometimes uses Morse Code for “Shalom, Tante Ziona”, just to stay in practice. You never know when you’re going to need Morse Code again.

I opened my door gladly because I have been worried about dear Tzigal’le ever since tRancie put out the word that all those marvellous video clips about tRance’le’s rise to power at Wikipedia were made by that scheigetz Atzmond, rather than Tziga’le himself. This was almost too much for our Tziga’le to bear.

But when he strode in through the back door last night with his Menorah in one hand and a victorious expression on his face, I knew Tziga’le had turned the corner.

“Come with me, Auntie Ziona,” he announced, leading the way to the little back room where he keeps his Macintoyesh across from a small shrine of holy objects dedicated to the us, the people of Isroel. He gave me the comfortable chair and lit all the candles on the Menorah, as well as a stick of incense with gefilthe blossom. At the centre of the altar was a photograph of tRancie receiving his award from the Israeli embassy a few years ago, flanked on the left by one of those beautiful Israeli children signing the bombs about to be delivered to Lebanon. On the right side was the Calendar of events for June of the Golders Green Holocaust Museum and the take-way menu from the now-defunct Kosher-Stews-R-Us, which was closed down after the rabbi found some melted cheese in his Cholent.

“Aunty Ziona,” Tziga’le said, “tRancie came here a couple of nights ago to ask me to forgive him for not telling the whole world who the creative genius was behind those clips. I feel much better about it now, Aunti’e Ziona. tRancie asked me to turn my talents instead to creating a video which would portray him as a hero, no more talk about being part of the Sayanim. A saviour of the world, coming to the aid of the workers’ children needing to be rescued from burning synagogues and such-like.”

He paused to pour us each a glass of Yarden Gewurztraminer Vintage imported from Isreel, which he picked up at Steimatzky’s store, and has been keeping for a special occasion.

“He promised that if I could portray him in a heroic light, he would give me full credit for creating the clip. But he insisted I had to make him look really magnificent. Well, I got to work straight away, Auntie Z. Watch this!” he said, clinking glasses…

United Against Racism!

June 11, 2008

My Father was a Jew, my mother was a Jew, and I am a Jew

Filed under: Jews, Loo, Sayan 007.01, shoah, tRance, Tziga'le — auntieziona @ 5:58 am
Oi Tziga’le, meine Tziga’le is such a Meshigine. He loves his people so much that he just cannot stop making films about us.

The other day he was so upset when that noodlik, Sayan tRance 007.01, insisted on publicly giving all the credit for Tziga’le’s latest video clips to those devils, Atzmond, Finkelstein, Carter and Gibsoin.

Poor Tzigale was sitting at home crying on his bed for most of the day, picturing his long-awaited Oscar flying out the window. All the family was worried, the boy didn’t eat or drink for 24 hours, and kept threatening to go into the desert for forty days, where he would be “more appreciated”! When he did talk, it was about grim subjects, the Shoah, the Massada, his hurt at not being invited to little Avraham Levy’s Bar Mitzvah, and the rising price of cheese blintzes at Blooms.

But then I popped over with a dozen rogalches and a sufgania that was left in the freezer from Hannuka. One rogale and my creative genius cheered up, and showed me his new anti-racist cinematic pinnacle which embraces as its subject matter the crucial topic of cleanliness, something very close to Jewish hearts. He opened his arms wide while discussing his latest piece, in a manner which suggested the inclusion of all things both Hygienic and Jewish, such as the Bris, keeping a Kosher kitchen, and let’s not forget, the ethnic cleansing of what some like to call Palestine.

Believe me comrades, as Mony’le says, it really doesn’t matter who you are and what you are, a Jew, a loo, a Kazoo with a tattoo, as long as you ain’t an Arab or the BNP, vey zmir.

United Against Racism!

June 9, 2008

This is The Kind of Humour Auntie Doesn’t Like

Filed under: AIPAC, Barak Obama, Hilary Clinton, Jews, Jon Stewart, self haters — auntieziona @ 8:22 am

Tziga’le, tRanc’le, Mony, you must do something about this.

United Against Wit

June 8, 2008

An Israeli Take on Jesus and the Cross

Filed under: Christianity, cross, crucifixion, Israeli, Jesus, priest — auntieziona @ 1:37 am

Let’s face it, we don’t like the Christian people. And we don’t like them going about with this croiss hanging around their necks just to remind us all of the crucifixion. We don’t like it, but we keep quiet…

Have a look at this video about our Israeli brothers. They know how to speak their minds. Like us, they despise Jesus and the croiss, but they aren’t squeamish. They know how to get the message acroiss.


United against religion!

June 5, 2008

Oi Obambi, Take Your Tongue Out…

Filed under: Barak Obama, election, Israel, USA — auntieziona @ 1:56 pm

Auntie can’t take it anymore!!!

United Against Racism!

Gentile Grief

Filed under: anti-semite, Gentile, German, Jews, Muslims, Nazis, shoah — auntieziona @ 1:43 pm

A Poem by Auntie Simone
Dear Auntie Ziona,
What shall I do,
I came out a gentile,
And not as a Jew!

Dear lesser mortal,
Your problem is grave,
But I’ve a solution
Your conscience to save.

All talk of the Jews
Will be morally wrong
Unless it resembles
Solomon’s song.

Speak of the Shoah
With awe and respect,
And not one iota
Will you reject.

Never suggest
That Jews might conspire;
If you do that
You’re playing with fire.

Israel, it’s true,
Is terribly bad,
But it’s not with the Jews
You ought to get mad.

No, it’s the West’s
Imperial dream
Which caused this trouble,
This dastardly scheme.

Remember the Jews
Are peace-loving and wise.
It’s the anti-Semite
Who this truth denies.

The Muslims are suspect,
Between you and me.
They’ve crazy beliefs
And their women aren’t free.

Seek out old Nazis
Under the bed;
Take them to court
Even if they’re half dead.

You say you’re a German,
Oi ye! oi veh!
You’d better work hard,
What more can I say?

But really the best
Would be to discover
You’re also Jewish
By your great grandmother!

United Against Racism!
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