Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

November 24, 2008

Kosher Harakiri

Oi, I can’t wait! I have tickets for the new Holocaust musical in the Vest End! It is set in the Warsaw Ghetto, but the characters put on a play within a play about Masada, the fortress where 960 Jews did a kosher Harakiri just to put off the Romans. So I get two tragedies for the price of one! This is very helpful during a credit crunch.

Oi, and there is one song that goes:
“The weather’s a stinker
We’re bound for Treblinka
But in only a blink of an eye
We’ll be flying in the sky
You and me-e-e-e!
Our spirits soa-oaring
Forever free!”

I know I will come out with the CD, the T shirt and the Holocaust education pack they give you. But I am worried because the Times said one poor person in the audience went to see it and couldn’t stop vomiting for three hours. But it was probably the gefilthe fish he had that was too old. Plus if you go on public transport, the goyim carry so many germs! Certainly it can’t be the scene where they crucify a Christian slave on stage while singing kletzmar songs that made him sick!?

United Against Music

October 26, 2008

The IJAN is Birthed – with Two Jews Fighting in a Church

Oy gevalt, it seems that my two little nephews, Mony’le and Miki’le, have got nothing better to do than tripping and kicking each other in a church.

Mony’le hates the churches. A few months back, he was caught vandalizing one in Brighton.

But it is not because he is racist, he is actually very united against racism. This is why he makes sure that all the bald boys … oy, I mean BOLD boys in the “International Jewish Anti-Zionist Network” lost the tip of their schwantzes a long time ago.


Because Mony’le is so united against racism, he wants to form a Jews-only peace campaign. Nu shoin, what is wrong with that? In Isroel, we have the Jews-only state and in England, we have the Jews-only peace campaign. As long as the Goyim are out, Auntie Ziona is happy.

But then, if it is a ‘Jews-only’ gathering , why did they make it in a church? Wouldn’t it have been better to make it in a synagogue? Or in the Israeli embassy? Or even in Blooms? At least there he could kick Miki’le’s shins without getting us into trouble with the Goyim.

I told Mony so many times, we pay you so much money to destroy the Palestinian solidarity movement, Azmoned and Eoisen, but instead of doing that you are bringing a Shoa on all of us. Mony, you must stop desecrating churches. The Goyim must believe that we respect them.

Oi ever, I’ll see Mony’le, Trance’le, Moshik Machover and Miki’le next Friday night, and I’ll sort it all out with a gefilthe and kreplach.

We have to make sure the Goyim do not make big zimes out of it.

Video thumbnail. Click to play
Click To Play

United Against Racism!

September 28, 2008

Aunties Open Letter to Sarah Silverman

Dear Sarah’le

When I saw your new film clip I told Mony’le to pack our suitcases & head for Denmark because these goyam will want to kill us all. Even despite the rising cost of british gas.

See more Sarah Silverman videos at Funny or Die

I know that you are on anti-depressents so you are obviously slightly fragile. But please please please leave suicide to the palestinains and this meshigine bin loiden. It is our job, as jews, to induce suicide in other people, not practice it ourselves. And Sarah’le what you did in your film is very dangerous for us all. Poor Mony’le is making a cup of tea right now wearing his gatkes and a gas mask made of Schnizel.. He is terrified & it is your fault.

Now, it is true that jews should vote for this black man who loves israel. We all know that he is the best one for us. But why not just send an annonimous email? Using our Jewish media like the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times and this Foxmanl News. Why to make the film, print the Tshirt & sell the mugs? When we jews run a war or paying for a Marxist revolution we find some clever ways to do it all.

Sarah’le my engale, everybody can see from your film that you vote for what is best for israel, not what is best for America , this makes you a trator. Look what they did to the meshigine boy from Califirnia who fought in the Taliban. They wrapped him up like a boil-in-the-bag duck al’orange & put him piece of kaken to rot for 20 years! You see Sarah’le, the goyim will start to realise that all this Credit Zimes is our Job. As you know, here in the Palestinian solidarity they know about Mony’le and Tranc’le. It won’t take long before the Americans see through us.

Now that I have told you off I will now give you 1 compliment. It is quite clever the way you adopt the persona of a spoilt racsist jewish princess when that is what you actually are. Oi!!! Very clever indeed.


July 7, 2008

Saving Private Tziga’le

Filed under: Arabs, ET, Jewish power, Jews, Private Ryan, Spielberg, Spilberg, Tziga'le — auntieziona @ 4:34 pm

The Arabs, they really think they can throw us to the sea. They tell about us that we don’t like water. But the truth of the matter is entirely different. Not only do we like water, we even love soap.

Oi-ever, Tziga’le is now studying with film melumad, Yanka’le Spilberg. Tziga’le told me he loves Oi T. He is very impressed with his home-coming project.

He loves as well Saving Private Ryan, especially because of the Foinal scene where you see all the big grave yard with so many crosses and not a single Star of David. He says, this is our Jewish power, where everybody dies to save us, while we just sit and watch.

Tziga’le is preparing now his foinal project for Spilberg. Arabs and anti semites, sit and watch, do not even consider throwing us to the sea…..

United Against Racism!

June 30, 2008

Jackie Mason Talks the Peace

Oi would you check out this clip?! The way Jackie Mason spits whenever he says the word ‘Arab’ is beautiful! Such grace, such eloquence, such poignancy. The man is so Jewish he manages to speak in a Noo Joy-zee accent even though he is from Wisconsin. That takes some doing! It is like sounding like a Glaswegian if you were born in the Golan Heights. Such talent. I wonder did he study acting with Lee Strasboyg?

Now it seems that Mr Mason (who I admit I have a slight crush on) is not just a comedian. He is a historian too. But he has a few little glitches to iron out. He tells us ‘Not only do the Arabs (spit) not belong there (spit) but they were never there in the first place. (dribble) They never existed as a people or as an entity.’

Oi this is wonderful news. But then he tells us that the Palestinians were originally persecuted by Syria & Jordan & that’s how they came to live on our land. He says ‘Many of them were annihilated, so how come they don’t ask for anything in return?’

Good question. When someone murders my family I want to be offered a cash alternative.

I tell you, the whole thing stinks like a gefilte fish that’s been left in the fridge for 3 days because you had to rush out to recue T’ziga’le from the Police station again and you forgot to clean it out.

United Against Racism!

June 20, 2008

Chaplin’s Kristal Nacht Kid

Filed under: anti-semitism, Charlie Chaplin, Hollywood, Jews, Kristal Nacht, The Kid, Tziga'le, zionism — auntieziona @ 12:17 pm

Hoy, my neighbour kinder Tziga’le, he has some big ambitions. He wants to go Hollywood. I told him Hollywood is too far and the Holy Land would be far better. But he wants to be Metro Goldween Meyer or at least Chaimke Schpilberg. I told him, if he wants to be like Chaimke Shpilberg or Moisha’le Filini, he will have to learn from people like Yossa’le Scorsese.

So now he takes film classes in the shul near the Yeshiva on Sundays. They have a young Rabbi named Yanka’le Polanski who teaches them how to make musical films about the Shoa and our suffering. Last week they learned about Charlie Chaplin and his hidden Zionist message. In case you didn’t know, Charlie was working for us. Because he was so clever, everyone was sure that he was a true humanist.

You look at this film and judge for yourself. And take it from Auntie, instead of popcorn and coca cola, you’d better get some hot fresh rogalch from the nearby deli.

United Against Everyone

June 16, 2008

Nu, I am a Kazoo!

Filed under: Israel, Jews, Kazoo, Tziga'le, WISO, zionism — auntieziona @ 3:07 pm

Despite recent developments, Tziga’le’s creative juices are overflowing. He spent the weekend creating this lyrical video clip about us, the musical people of Israoel.

Oy Vey, at the moment he is gearing up to meet the challenge posed by the delegation of sayanim who paid him a visit in the middle of the night, which I will write more about when I have strengthened myself after the WIZO ladies buffet lunch, where Tziga’le will be our special guest speaker…

United Against Racism!

June 13, 2008

SuperKosher

Filed under: goyim, hasbara, hero, Jews, Kosher, Sayan 007.01, superhero, tRance, Wiki, zionism — auntieziona @ 4:58 pm


There was a clear and confident knock on my back door last night. I knew it was Tziga’le, my neighbour and a comrade, because he sometimes uses Morse Code for “Shalom, Tante Ziona”, just to stay in practice. You never know when you’re going to need Morse Code again.

I opened my door gladly because I have been worried about dear Tzigal’le ever since tRancie put out the word that all those marvellous video clips about tRance’le’s rise to power at Wikipedia were made by that scheigetz Atzmond, rather than Tziga’le himself. This was almost too much for our Tziga’le to bear.

But when he strode in through the back door last night with his Menorah in one hand and a victorious expression on his face, I knew Tziga’le had turned the corner.

“Come with me, Auntie Ziona,” he announced, leading the way to the little back room where he keeps his Macintoyesh across from a small shrine of holy objects dedicated to the us, the people of Isroel. He gave me the comfortable chair and lit all the candles on the Menorah, as well as a stick of incense with gefilthe blossom. At the centre of the altar was a photograph of tRancie receiving his award from the Israeli embassy a few years ago, flanked on the left by one of those beautiful Israeli children signing the bombs about to be delivered to Lebanon. On the right side was the Calendar of events for June of the Golders Green Holocaust Museum and the take-way menu from the now-defunct Kosher-Stews-R-Us, which was closed down after the rabbi found some melted cheese in his Cholent.

“Aunty Ziona,” Tziga’le said, “tRancie came here a couple of nights ago to ask me to forgive him for not telling the whole world who the creative genius was behind those clips. I feel much better about it now, Aunti’e Ziona. tRancie asked me to turn my talents instead to creating a video which would portray him as a hero, no more talk about being part of the Sayanim. A saviour of the world, coming to the aid of the workers’ children needing to be rescued from burning synagogues and such-like.”

He paused to pour us each a glass of Yarden Gewurztraminer Vintage imported from Isreel, which he picked up at Steimatzky’s store, and has been keeping for a special occasion.

“He promised that if I could portray him in a heroic light, he would give me full credit for creating the clip. But he insisted I had to make him look really magnificent. Well, I got to work straight away, Auntie Z. Watch this!” he said, clinking glasses…

United Against Racism!

June 11, 2008

My Father was a Jew, my mother was a Jew, and I am a Jew

Filed under: Jews, Loo, Sayan 007.01, shoah, tRance, Tziga'le — auntieziona @ 5:58 am
Oi Tziga’le, meine Tziga’le is such a Meshigine. He loves his people so much that he just cannot stop making films about us.

The other day he was so upset when that noodlik, Sayan tRance 007.01, insisted on publicly giving all the credit for Tziga’le’s latest video clips to those devils, Atzmond, Finkelstein, Carter and Gibsoin.

Poor Tzigale was sitting at home crying on his bed for most of the day, picturing his long-awaited Oscar flying out the window. All the family was worried, the boy didn’t eat or drink for 24 hours, and kept threatening to go into the desert for forty days, where he would be “more appreciated”! When he did talk, it was about grim subjects, the Shoah, the Massada, his hurt at not being invited to little Avraham Levy’s Bar Mitzvah, and the rising price of cheese blintzes at Blooms.

But then I popped over with a dozen rogalches and a sufgania that was left in the freezer from Hannuka. One rogale and my creative genius cheered up, and showed me his new anti-racist cinematic pinnacle which embraces as its subject matter the crucial topic of cleanliness, something very close to Jewish hearts. He opened his arms wide while discussing his latest piece, in a manner which suggested the inclusion of all things both Hygienic and Jewish, such as the Bris, keeping a Kosher kitchen, and let’s not forget, the ethnic cleansing of what some like to call Palestine.

Believe me comrades, as Mony’le says, it really doesn’t matter who you are and what you are, a Jew, a loo, a Kazoo with a tattoo, as long as you ain’t an Arab or the BNP, vey zmir.

United Against Racism!

June 9, 2008

This is The Kind of Humour Auntie Doesn’t Like

Filed under: AIPAC, Barak Obama, Hilary Clinton, Jews, Jon Stewart, self haters — auntieziona @ 8:22 am

Tziga’le, tRanc’le, Mony, you must do something about this.

United Against Wit

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