Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

November 24, 2008

Kosher Harakiri

Oi, I can’t wait! I have tickets for the new Holocaust musical in the Vest End! It is set in the Warsaw Ghetto, but the characters put on a play within a play about Masada, the fortress where 960 Jews did a kosher Harakiri just to put off the Romans. So I get two tragedies for the price of one! This is very helpful during a credit crunch.

Oi, and there is one song that goes:
“The weather’s a stinker
We’re bound for Treblinka
But in only a blink of an eye
We’ll be flying in the sky
You and me-e-e-e!
Our spirits soa-oaring
Forever free!”

I know I will come out with the CD, the T shirt and the Holocaust education pack they give you. But I am worried because the Times said one poor person in the audience went to see it and couldn’t stop vomiting for three hours. But it was probably the gefilthe fish he had that was too old. Plus if you go on public transport, the goyim carry so many germs! Certainly it can’t be the scene where they crucify a Christian slave on stage while singing kletzmar songs that made him sick!?

United Against Music

June 30, 2008

Jackie Mason Talks the Peace

Oi would you check out this clip?! The way Jackie Mason spits whenever he says the word ‘Arab’ is beautiful! Such grace, such eloquence, such poignancy. The man is so Jewish he manages to speak in a Noo Joy-zee accent even though he is from Wisconsin. That takes some doing! It is like sounding like a Glaswegian if you were born in the Golan Heights. Such talent. I wonder did he study acting with Lee Strasboyg?

Now it seems that Mr Mason (who I admit I have a slight crush on) is not just a comedian. He is a historian too. But he has a few little glitches to iron out. He tells us ‘Not only do the Arabs (spit) not belong there (spit) but they were never there in the first place. (dribble) They never existed as a people or as an entity.’

Oi this is wonderful news. But then he tells us that the Palestinians were originally persecuted by Syria & Jordan & that’s how they came to live on our land. He says ‘Many of them were annihilated, so how come they don’t ask for anything in return?’

Good question. When someone murders my family I want to be offered a cash alternative.

I tell you, the whole thing stinks like a gefilte fish that’s been left in the fridge for 3 days because you had to rush out to recue T’ziga’le from the Police station again and you forgot to clean it out.

United Against Racism!

May 3, 2008

A goal for every Jewish Victim

I couldn’t wait for the Sabbath to pass so I can log on and inform you all that we have now managed to bring the Holocaust to the heart of British football
Just hours after leading his Chelsea team to their first Champions League final with a black band strapped to his hand in the memory of the Holocaust, Avram Grant found perspective at Auschwitz, where he said “his pride at Israel’s emergence from the horrors of the Holocaust surpassed any football achievement.”

All I have left to say is Mazal Tov.

Im yirze Hashem, from now on Chelsea will score a goal for every Jewish victim who perished in the Holocaust. And all of London’s football hooligans will come to celebrate Israeli Independence Day with us in Golders Green.

But listen to me achim, and even Jewish Bolshevik comrades. We have to be very careful here. We must make sure that Liverpool is not bought by a Saudi tycoon who may appoint a Palestinian coach, who may even decide to train the Goyim to score goals in the name of every Palestinian refugee…because if the UN is telling the truth, there are 6 million of those around the world.

This is called in Yiddish “Hoy Vey in its making”.

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