Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

December 19, 2008

Memorial Day for the Jews who Perished Financially in the Madoff Shoa


Oy, your Auntie’le always has the tip of her finger on the kosher pulse.

This Madoff has created a real Shoa, and I suggest making December 11 into the international memorial day for all the Jews who joined the bread lines in Madoff’s Holocaust.

Just a few of our brethren who have fallen by the wayside:

Victims: Fairfield Freenwich group/Walter Noel, the biggest loser so far. Loss: 7.3 Billion, half of its assets. Noel’s fees for steering the money to Madoff: $135 million in the past year alone.

Victim: Mort Zuckerman, the chairman of real estate firm Boston Properties and owner of the New York Daily News and U.S. News & World Report. Loss: $30 Million. “After he heard the news he took his daughter to see the Jonas Brothers”.

Victims: Avram and Carol Goldberg, the founders of the Stop & Shop supermarket chain. Loss: Unknown.

Victims: Arnold and Joan Sinkin, who lost 85% of their life savings. “How could you look at yourself in the mirror?” said Arnold. Loss: $1 million.

Victim: Richard Spring, who thought he was worth $11 million, and now discovers he has nothing. “I’m broke,” said Spring. I can’t feed my family.”

Oy gevalt, when our people don’t know any more where the next lunch at Blooms is coming from, tough decisions will have to be made.

Old Mrs. Mendelsohn is convinced that the victims will soon be selling the gold fillings in their teeth to German buyers, simply to put food on the table.

United against another Shoah

December 17, 2008

No Metziah for Elie Wiesel


Oy gevalt, our humanist Elie Wiesel, who managed to survive the Shoa, is one of the many victims of this mishuggah gonif, Madoff.

Elie’le was bargaining on a groisse metziah, but instead he landed up with bupkis.

I am soi concerned for at least two reasons:

1. The Goyim may start to wonder why, if Elie is such an ethical human being, he gave all his gelt to such a no-goodnik swindler.

2. I am soi afraid that having lost all his gelt, Elie’le will also lose his faith in Jewish innocence. He may even stand up and throw his shoes at Madoff when he starts to understand where anti-Semitism comes from!

Oi ever, I have just seen this clip on Mary’le’s website, Palestine Shtick Tank, made by a Jordanian academy award winner, Mustafa Abu Fellini.

Obviously, even these islamofasicts can see that our Elie’le is a real mensch.

United Against Anti-Semitism

Bupkis (bup-kiss) – literally, beans. Colloquially, nothing. “You’re gonna sue me?! You know what you’ll get!!?? Bupkis!”

Gelt – gold, money

Gonif (gon-niff) – thief, dishonest person, embezzler, unscrupulous businessman

Goyim – the non-Chosen, the gentiles

Groisse – big, large

Metziah (metz-see-yah) – bargain, often used sarcastically. “They were having a sale on shoes, marked down from $800 to a mere $600. They call that a metziah? When they’re $25 a pair, then I’ll buy them!”

Menscha decent human being, a good, honest person who always takes the high road. Being called a mensch is the ultimate compliment.

Mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts, loony-tunes.

No-goodnik – a worthless piece of humanity.

Oy gevalt – an expression of dismay

December 16, 2008

Madoff’s List – Bernie, Come Home!


Oy vey. It is all Hitler’s fault.

Before the big war, the goyim knew pretty well how fishy we could be with money. But because of this mishuggah anti-Semite Hitler, they became convinced that the defeat of the Nazis was also a declaration of our innocence.

Oi ever, it was not only the stupid goyim who gave their gelt to Bernie Madoff. Everyone thought he was a heymishe Jewish guy. Even Steven’le Shpielberg and Elie Wiesel handed over all their shekels to this Yiddisher ganef, and now they’re wondering where the next bowl of chicken soup is coming from.

Last Passover I told that old alta kocker, “Bernie’le, why don’t you learn from Mony’le? Do it in small steps, one chicken here, a credit card there. 50 billion is just a bit too much in one helping.”

I tell you, I feel it in my kishkas. Even my dog Ponzi is looking nervous. For so long we have managed to effectively silence the goyim with this political correctness, but I always knew that eventually they would come for us. I am so worried.

I really hope Bernard’le left some money under the floorboards so that he can at least pay back Shpielberg to cover the costs of his new Swindler’s List production.

He may even call it “Madoff’s List”.

United against a new Shoah

Alta Kocker an old shit or an old fart.

Geltgold, money. Hanukkah gelt are the chocolate gold-foiled coins traditionally given at the holiday.

Gonif (gon-niff) – thief, dishonest person, embezzler, unscrupulous businessman.

Haymishe – warm, homey, friendly.

Kishkaguts, intestines. “I was so upset, I was eating my kishkas out!” “Some secret agent! After 10 minutes of questioning, he spilled his kishkas!”

Mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts, loony-tunes.

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