Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

December 16, 2008

Madoff’s List – Bernie, Come Home!


Oy vey. It is all Hitler’s fault.

Before the big war, the goyim knew pretty well how fishy we could be with money. But because of this mishuggah anti-Semite Hitler, they became convinced that the defeat of the Nazis was also a declaration of our innocence.

Oi ever, it was not only the stupid goyim who gave their gelt to Bernie Madoff. Everyone thought he was a heymishe Jewish guy. Even Steven’le Shpielberg and Elie Wiesel handed over all their shekels to this Yiddisher ganef, and now they’re wondering where the next bowl of chicken soup is coming from.

Last Passover I told that old alta kocker, “Bernie’le, why don’t you learn from Mony’le? Do it in small steps, one chicken here, a credit card there. 50 billion is just a bit too much in one helping.”

I tell you, I feel it in my kishkas. Even my dog Ponzi is looking nervous. For so long we have managed to effectively silence the goyim with this political correctness, but I always knew that eventually they would come for us. I am so worried.

I really hope Bernard’le left some money under the floorboards so that he can at least pay back Shpielberg to cover the costs of his new Swindler’s List production.

He may even call it “Madoff’s List”.

United against a new Shoah

Alta Kocker an old shit or an old fart.

Geltgold, money. Hanukkah gelt are the chocolate gold-foiled coins traditionally given at the holiday.

Gonif (gon-niff) – thief, dishonest person, embezzler, unscrupulous businessman.

Haymishe – warm, homey, friendly.

Kishkaguts, intestines. “I was so upset, I was eating my kishkas out!” “Some secret agent! After 10 minutes of questioning, he spilled his kishkas!”

Mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts, loony-tunes.

November 3, 2008

The Mony Magical Trip

Filed under: Ian Saville, magicians, Marc Maron, Mony Gripstein, Toys-R-Us, Tziga'le — auntieziona @ 5:42 pm

My Mony isn’t doing well at all, and I’ve been worried about him. He sits alone in his room all day, spending hours playing with the dreidel Uncle Shlommi gave him when he turned three, even though it’s not yet Chanuka.

I made him some kreplach with chopped meat, onions and a bissell shmaltz served in chicken soup to cheer him up, but nothing seems to work.

Oy oy oy, thank goodness Tziga’le, my neighbor and a real mentsh, is back from Israel where he took part in a wonderful contest to commemorate Sir Paul’s visit… more about that later this week.

Tziga’le is always ready with ideas to cheer up Mony, and when he saw the state my poor nephew was in, he whipped out his collection of Jewish Magician Shows, and let Mony choose two to keep himself entertained till bedtime.

Mrs Mendelsohn and her daughter Rachel have promised to take him on an outing to Toys-R-Us tomorrow, so at least that should take care of activities for the morning. It’s nice to see him a little bit excited again, and he’s already chosen his outfit for tomorrow, including a bright red jersey to contrast nicely with the blue and white of the ribbon he got from the Israeli Embassy and T’Ranci’le.

If you and your little ones want to watch the magician shows in solidarity with Mony’le this evening, here they are:

Ian Saville, Socialist Magician

Marc Maron hails the great Jewish magicians of all time

United Against the Goyim, especially Auntie Simone!

November 2, 2008

An S.O.S. after Shabbat

Filed under: children, magicians, Miki'le, Mony Gripstein, Roland Rance, Shabbat, Tony Greenstein, toys, tRance — auntieziona @ 12:14 pm

Oy gevalt, after reading some of the comments made in this post about his preferred methods for disciplining the young, it was not easy for my Mony’le to sit and eat gefilthe at the same table with his brethren on Shabbat.

With tears in his eyes, Mony’le showed us this blue and white ribbon given to him by the Israeli Embassy and Chief Wikipedia Rabbi, Comrade Roland Rance, to commemorate his ceaseless caring for the Jewish youngsters of the working class. Mony assured us that he loves all the little people, and as you know, he himself has never fully grown up.

The incident in which “The Great Velcro” slapped a little boy with a broken arm through the face really happened, yes, and afterwards, my Mony said some things about the “reasonable chastisement” of the young which he has come to regret. Nu Shoin, what can we do, he always says things and then happens to regret them. That is life, or shall I say, that is Mony’s life. Oi ever, Mony’le and the magician both discovered that Velcro sticks worse than sheise.

Mony’le now wants to make it clear that he loves everybody, except Eisen, Azmond, Mearsheiner & Walt, and the Hamas. He loves the elders, the youngsters, the working class, the unemployed, the magicians, Toys-R-Us, and he even loves himself!

Pinning his blue and white ribbon proudly on his chest, he proclaimed loudly that this ribbon is there to show his REAL feelings about the little people who are put on this Earth for us to protect.

As annoyed as I was with Mony for kicking Miki’le in the shins, I am here to affirm that Mony’le adores the young, and his fondest wish is to raise them to be proud, unemployed Jewish revolutionary socialists just like himself.

United Against the Adult!

October 28, 2008

No Shoin, should we invite Azmoned as well?!

Filed under: Azmoned, kletzmar, Mikey, Mony Gripstein, shoplifting, Tony Greenstein, tRance — auntieziona @ 7:17 pm


It looks like my Shabbat is turning into a groice cross-cultural event, now that Auntie Maria is coming from South America and Mary’le is coming from Italy.

With Mony’le, tRancie’le and Miki’le in attendance, I hope Auntie Maria is not going to treat them like the three stooges again, and that we can all just have a nice gesellige meal together and unite as brother and sisters beneath the wings of Auntie Ziona.

But I want to have a gefilthe with Azmoned!! I am thinking about inviting him to this event. Perhaps he will bring his clarinet and play some kleine kletzmar for us.

Auntie Maria’s comment (see below) makes me start to see that my Mony’le has no chance against this sheigetz, Azmoned.

I may have to beg for Azmoned’s mercy for my Mony on Friday night!

Azmoned, I’ll say, you know about my Monyle.. he is a bit of a meshige… but why can’t you just ignore him the way the other Palestinian activists do?!

Auntie Maria’s guest post

Tony Greenstein writes:

“A few paragraphs previously Atzmon informs us that:
Jews are not necessarily Zionists. They can also be humanists, universalists, ordinary human beings… “

As usual, Greenstein fails to quote Atzmon’s sentence in full.

Here is the Atzmon quote:

“Jews are not necessarily Zionists. They can also be humanists, universalists, ordinary human beings,plumbers, musicians, shopkeepers and even shoplifters.”

Greenstein dropped: “plumbers, musicians, shopkeepers and even shoplifters.”

I guess we all know why.

As far as we are aware, Greenstein is not exactly a ‘plumber’, not a musician either, and not a shopkeeper.

But what about ‘shoplifting’? …

We have a very good reason to believe that Greenstein interprets Atzmon’s writing about the tribal Jew as applying to one particular Tony.

It is devastating for Greenstein, considering the fact that Atzmon’s Credit Crunch paper is now posted on more than 9.000 sites.

However, Atzmon continues:

“The Zionists amongst the Jews are very easy to trace. They always operate politically as Jews. They run Jewish lobbies, think tanks and pressure groups. For that matter, Jewish American Committee (JAC), AIPAC, Jews For Peace and Anti Zionist Jews are all different forms of Jewish tribal national politics.”

Indeed, Tony Greenstein and Roland Rance “operate politically as Jews” and run “pressure groups”.

The conclusion is very clear:

Greenstein is overwhelmed by Atzmon’s coherence. He always drops the bits that refers to him and expose him as a devoted Zionist.

Sadly enough, Greenstein lacks the talent to confront Atzmon.

All he can do is lie and deceive.

What would you expect of a man with such an enormous record of Spent Convictions ….:)

Posted by Auntie Maria to Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone at 28 October 2008 13:35

United Against the Goyim!

October 26, 2008

The IJAN is Birthed – with Two Jews Fighting in a Church

Oy gevalt, it seems that my two little nephews, Mony’le and Miki’le, have got nothing better to do than tripping and kicking each other in a church.

Mony’le hates the churches. A few months back, he was caught vandalizing one in Brighton.

But it is not because he is racist, he is actually very united against racism. This is why he makes sure that all the bald boys … oy, I mean BOLD boys in the “International Jewish Anti-Zionist Network” lost the tip of their schwantzes a long time ago.


Because Mony’le is so united against racism, he wants to form a Jews-only peace campaign. Nu shoin, what is wrong with that? In Isroel, we have the Jews-only state and in England, we have the Jews-only peace campaign. As long as the Goyim are out, Auntie Ziona is happy.

But then, if it is a ‘Jews-only’ gathering , why did they make it in a church? Wouldn’t it have been better to make it in a synagogue? Or in the Israeli embassy? Or even in Blooms? At least there he could kick Miki’le’s shins without getting us into trouble with the Goyim.

I told Mony so many times, we pay you so much money to destroy the Palestinian solidarity movement, Azmoned and Eoisen, but instead of doing that you are bringing a Shoa on all of us. Mony, you must stop desecrating churches. The Goyim must believe that we respect them.

Oi ever, I’ll see Mony’le, Trance’le, Moshik Machover and Miki’le next Friday night, and I’ll sort it all out with a gefilthe and kreplach.

We have to make sure the Goyim do not make big zimes out of it.

Video thumbnail. Click to play
Click To Play

United Against Racism!

July 23, 2008

Cream of the Jewish Revolutionary Dance Contest

Oy vey, it is so exciting! My chuchem neighbour Tziga’le is filming the 60th annual Jewish Revolutionary Dance Contest, and Golders Green has come alive with the sound of music.

On every street corner they are selling delicious Jewish delicacies and for the children special battery-powered Stars of David which have a strobe light that keeps time with the rhythm.

So far the line-up is looking quite superb. The contest will continue through the next two weeks, and Auntie Ziona will keep you posted about the finalists and eventual winners of the all-expenses paid trip to Jerusalem for the Holocaust Slow Dancing Contest scheduled for later this year.

Some of the entrants from just this afternoon’s exciting array of dancers:

First we started with the Sayanim’s Can-Can, featuring the Shabbat Goy Sarah’le Blackwell, the UK Neocon, Doivid Hirsh, our Man at Wiki, tRance’le, Anti Defamatory Abe’le Foxman und my darling nephew, Shopy Liftenstein.

Then drawing a sharp in-breath from the gathered crowd, onto the stage came the glittering duo, Disco Stars Mrs ‘Rance’le und my delightful nephew Shopy’le again, representing “Jews Against Zionism” as well as the tzviene Bundist left.

This was followed by, for the first time in the history of the contest, the Sexy Self-Haters category, with Finkelsoin from Americe, Poipe from Extoyer, und Atzmoned from Londonistan. Together they ask what love is all about.

And showing us what happens in the magical midnight hours when the Goyim are sleeping and the Jews are having fun, Sexy Shabbat Goya mit Shop Liftenshtein.

And the grand finale for the romantics in the audience, Trance’le mit Lenni’le und soft lighting.

United Against Racism!

July 6, 2008

Oi vey! We are having a party!

I didn’t say anything to anybody because I don’t want any fuss, presents, flowers, cakes or cards – but yes I admit it, I admit it, it is my wedding anniversary coming on August 10th (23 Golders Green Crescent, London, NW11. The front door bell is broken – I keep telling him to fix it – but deliveries, can be left in the double-fronted garage).

I said to Mony’le, I said ‘Mony, my little Kneidlach, what music shall we have for the party? Should it be kletzma? Should it be sad violins’? He said ‘Auntie Ziona, I know the perfect song for us all to dance to! And there is a video film to go with it which we can project on the wall’ (us Jews we love projecting!)

Oi here it is, the most beautiful, funny song ever. I cant wait! We can hold hands & dance!

June 26, 2008

Tzigale, You Must Learn from Walt Disney

Filed under: Moishe tRance, Mony Gripstein, Walt Disney — auntieziona @ 12:06 am

Yesterday Mony’le and tRanc’le came for Tshulent and brought with them this wonderful cartoon. They admitted that Tzigale’s films are too artistic for the Jewish working class. Not just Mony and tRanc’le but Potty as well. They wondered whether Tzigale can come up with some simplistic films that would help the three Jewish Marxists to fight the anti Semites.

Tzigale, what do you say?

United Against Something

June 2, 2008

Boycott Shmoycott

Filed under: Academic, boycott, Mony Gripstein, tRance — auntieziona @ 12:39 pm

Somebody explain it to me. My Mony’le was thrown out of university (Nu shoin, this happens in the best families) . And now he’s boycotting academics? It’s like me boycotting Finsbury Park Mosque. I don’t understand. And every day he is screaming about the boycott boycott boycott! It would be better if he would be allowed into a university first.

Oi, he is jumping around the living room with a big piece of white card. I said ‘Mony’le your face has gone purple. Put the down the card because I can see from here that your name isn’t on it. Calm down & have some home-made hamantaschen with caramelized almonds and cinnamon’.

I said, ‘Mony’le if you want to stop students reading books by a Sabra, then why do you read this Gilad Azmond all the time?’ I tell you Mony consults the work of this Azmond even more than I consult my Torah. He practices reciting it every single day! I am so confused. I said ‘Mony do you boycott if somebody used to live in Isroeel or only if they live there now? Explain!’

Because Yona at Golders Green bridge club, her cousin Isaac, his wife Rachel, her nephew David, he teaches books at Goldsmith college and Oi, he loves Isroeel. David LOVES Isroeel so much! And Yona told me he teaches his class to love Isroeel too. But I wonder why does Mony’le not wave his big white card at this David? I don’t want him to because I would never be able to face Yona at bridge, but still, I am confused.

And then I told Mony, ‘you know once they stop David, they may as well continue with tRance’le and with you. Because by now everyone knows that you were working for us all those years.

United Against Racism!

May 30, 2008

International Judaica

Filed under: anthem, comrades, Israel, Jewish, judaica, May 1, Mony Gripstein, Sayanim, tRance, Yiddish — auntieziona @ 10:23 pm


Oi… some of our comrades asked where were Mony’le and tRanc’le in the May 1st Yiddish celebration we featured in the previous post…

Tzigale has just found this clip in the Jewish film archive at the Isroeli Embassy.

So here we proudly present the red Sayanim anthem as sung on every May 1st by Mony’le, tRanc’le and Potty, which for me is so inspiring…

United Against Racism!
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