Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

December 8, 2008

Our Jewish Pin-Ups for 2009

Filed under: Charles Pottins, David Hirsh, David Taube, Roland Rance, Tony Greenstein — auntieziona @ 9:00 pm

Only three bissel weeks to go and the New Year will be here! It’s time to buy ourselves new calendars my lieblings, and this is the one your Tante’le recommends.

To begin with, meet Mony, our cover guy, snapped during a meander through the woods with his gefilte in green-friendly packaging.

Oy oy oy, and here’s David’le, who never met an arab he liked or a platter of food he didn’t like. He’s been putting in the man hours to fatten himself up in time for Channukah. Girls, those love handles are to die for.


And for the red brigade we present Roland’le, our head sayan at Wiki, gatekeeper par excellence, who also loves a nice game of Yiddisher Scrabble….. but only sensitive baleboostehs need apply!


And now for Auntie’s personal favourite boychick, Potty’le …..for the woman who simply wants MORE… more experience, more attendance at meetings of the neighbourhood Goy Watch, more eating, more drinking and more merry-making, especially in the bedroom……


And last, but definitely not least… no calendar would be complete without our islamophobe with the swimming fetish. Oy oy oy, what Dovid’le loves to do in the muslim-only swimming pool will make you blush, girls… but don’t forget to wear your Star of David if you want to score with Dovid.


These are guys you can take home to mom, to Blooms, or even to a WIZO meeting without fear of reprisals. They’re nice… they’re Jewish… and they finally have their own calendar!

So what’s not to like?! Nu, it even comes with all the Jewish Holidays already marked.

United against the goyim machos!

Bissel: (bis-sel) A little.
Baleboosteh: (bal-a-boo-stah) an organized, efficient, praise-worthy homemaker.

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November 7, 2008

Zeligs for Peace

Last night I had a socio-political, erotic, cosmopolitan dream. In my dream I had a kleine beard. I think that I was Lenin. I was on my knees with my tuches in the air, on the table at the Kremlin. As it happened, the delegates of the international Jews against Zionism, Tony Greenstein, Roland Rance, Abraham Weizfeld and Moshe Machover, came to kiss my arse.

I was just about to give in to the ultimate pleasure when I saw Mikey Ezra at the back of the room, wearing shin pads. He held a bourgeoisie blackberry in his hand, and was looking at me with contempt.


Oi vey, I shouted in my dream!

I froze! I woke up sweating. I realized it all…

You are all Zelig chameleons! If the Bund is right and you are indeed a Jewish nation,what we call the yiddishe volk, you cannot also be international.
You are either national or international. Unless you want to be just Zeligs for Peace (ZFP).

I then fell asleep again. In my dream, I was swimming in chicken soup with Auntie Shelomi, and we were splashing each other and eating the knudels as they drifted past.

United Against the Goyim!

November 2, 2008

An S.O.S. after Shabbat

Filed under: children, magicians, Miki'le, Mony Gripstein, Roland Rance, Shabbat, Tony Greenstein, toys, tRance — auntieziona @ 12:14 pm

Oy gevalt, after reading some of the comments made in this post about his preferred methods for disciplining the young, it was not easy for my Mony’le to sit and eat gefilthe at the same table with his brethren on Shabbat.

With tears in his eyes, Mony’le showed us this blue and white ribbon given to him by the Israeli Embassy and Chief Wikipedia Rabbi, Comrade Roland Rance, to commemorate his ceaseless caring for the Jewish youngsters of the working class. Mony assured us that he loves all the little people, and as you know, he himself has never fully grown up.

The incident in which “The Great Velcro” slapped a little boy with a broken arm through the face really happened, yes, and afterwards, my Mony said some things about the “reasonable chastisement” of the young which he has come to regret. Nu Shoin, what can we do, he always says things and then happens to regret them. That is life, or shall I say, that is Mony’s life. Oi ever, Mony’le and the magician both discovered that Velcro sticks worse than sheise.

Mony’le now wants to make it clear that he loves everybody, except Eisen, Azmond, Mearsheiner & Walt, and the Hamas. He loves the elders, the youngsters, the working class, the unemployed, the magicians, Toys-R-Us, and he even loves himself!

Pinning his blue and white ribbon proudly on his chest, he proclaimed loudly that this ribbon is there to show his REAL feelings about the little people who are put on this Earth for us to protect.

As annoyed as I was with Mony for kicking Miki’le in the shins, I am here to affirm that Mony’le adores the young, and his fondest wish is to raise them to be proud, unemployed Jewish revolutionary socialists just like himself.

United Against the Adult!

October 28, 2008

No Shoin, should we invite Azmoned as well?!

Filed under: Azmoned, kletzmar, Mikey, Mony Gripstein, shoplifting, Tony Greenstein, tRance — auntieziona @ 7:17 pm


It looks like my Shabbat is turning into a groice cross-cultural event, now that Auntie Maria is coming from South America and Mary’le is coming from Italy.

With Mony’le, tRancie’le and Miki’le in attendance, I hope Auntie Maria is not going to treat them like the three stooges again, and that we can all just have a nice gesellige meal together and unite as brother and sisters beneath the wings of Auntie Ziona.

But I want to have a gefilthe with Azmoned!! I am thinking about inviting him to this event. Perhaps he will bring his clarinet and play some kleine kletzmar for us.

Auntie Maria’s comment (see below) makes me start to see that my Mony’le has no chance against this sheigetz, Azmoned.

I may have to beg for Azmoned’s mercy for my Mony on Friday night!

Azmoned, I’ll say, you know about my Monyle.. he is a bit of a meshige… but why can’t you just ignore him the way the other Palestinian activists do?!

Auntie Maria’s guest post

Tony Greenstein writes:

“A few paragraphs previously Atzmon informs us that:
Jews are not necessarily Zionists. They can also be humanists, universalists, ordinary human beings… “

As usual, Greenstein fails to quote Atzmon’s sentence in full.

Here is the Atzmon quote:

“Jews are not necessarily Zionists. They can also be humanists, universalists, ordinary human beings,plumbers, musicians, shopkeepers and even shoplifters.”

Greenstein dropped: “plumbers, musicians, shopkeepers and even shoplifters.”

I guess we all know why.

As far as we are aware, Greenstein is not exactly a ‘plumber’, not a musician either, and not a shopkeeper.

But what about ‘shoplifting’? …

We have a very good reason to believe that Greenstein interprets Atzmon’s writing about the tribal Jew as applying to one particular Tony.

It is devastating for Greenstein, considering the fact that Atzmon’s Credit Crunch paper is now posted on more than 9.000 sites.

However, Atzmon continues:

“The Zionists amongst the Jews are very easy to trace. They always operate politically as Jews. They run Jewish lobbies, think tanks and pressure groups. For that matter, Jewish American Committee (JAC), AIPAC, Jews For Peace and Anti Zionist Jews are all different forms of Jewish tribal national politics.”

Indeed, Tony Greenstein and Roland Rance “operate politically as Jews” and run “pressure groups”.

The conclusion is very clear:

Greenstein is overwhelmed by Atzmon’s coherence. He always drops the bits that refers to him and expose him as a devoted Zionist.

Sadly enough, Greenstein lacks the talent to confront Atzmon.

All he can do is lie and deceive.

What would you expect of a man with such an enormous record of Spent Convictions ….:)

Posted by Auntie Maria to Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone at 28 October 2008 13:35

United Against the Goyim!

October 26, 2008

The IJAN is Birthed – with Two Jews Fighting in a Church

Oy gevalt, it seems that my two little nephews, Mony’le and Miki’le, have got nothing better to do than tripping and kicking each other in a church.

Mony’le hates the churches. A few months back, he was caught vandalizing one in Brighton.

But it is not because he is racist, he is actually very united against racism. This is why he makes sure that all the bald boys … oy, I mean BOLD boys in the “International Jewish Anti-Zionist Network” lost the tip of their schwantzes a long time ago.


Because Mony’le is so united against racism, he wants to form a Jews-only peace campaign. Nu shoin, what is wrong with that? In Isroel, we have the Jews-only state and in England, we have the Jews-only peace campaign. As long as the Goyim are out, Auntie Ziona is happy.

But then, if it is a ‘Jews-only’ gathering , why did they make it in a church? Wouldn’t it have been better to make it in a synagogue? Or in the Israeli embassy? Or even in Blooms? At least there he could kick Miki’le’s shins without getting us into trouble with the Goyim.

I told Mony so many times, we pay you so much money to destroy the Palestinian solidarity movement, Azmoned and Eoisen, but instead of doing that you are bringing a Shoa on all of us. Mony, you must stop desecrating churches. The Goyim must believe that we respect them.

Oi ever, I’ll see Mony’le, Trance’le, Moshik Machover and Miki’le next Friday night, and I’ll sort it all out with a gefilthe and kreplach.

We have to make sure the Goyim do not make big zimes out of it.

Video thumbnail. Click to play
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United Against Racism!

September 28, 2008

Aunties Open Letter to Sarah Silverman

Dear Sarah’le

When I saw your new film clip I told Mony’le to pack our suitcases & head for Denmark because these goyam will want to kill us all. Even despite the rising cost of british gas.

See more Sarah Silverman videos at Funny or Die

I know that you are on anti-depressents so you are obviously slightly fragile. But please please please leave suicide to the palestinains and this meshigine bin loiden. It is our job, as jews, to induce suicide in other people, not practice it ourselves. And Sarah’le what you did in your film is very dangerous for us all. Poor Mony’le is making a cup of tea right now wearing his gatkes and a gas mask made of Schnizel.. He is terrified & it is your fault.

Now, it is true that jews should vote for this black man who loves israel. We all know that he is the best one for us. But why not just send an annonimous email? Using our Jewish media like the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times and this Foxmanl News. Why to make the film, print the Tshirt & sell the mugs? When we jews run a war or paying for a Marxist revolution we find some clever ways to do it all.

Sarah’le my engale, everybody can see from your film that you vote for what is best for israel, not what is best for America , this makes you a trator. Look what they did to the meshigine boy from Califirnia who fought in the Taliban. They wrapped him up like a boil-in-the-bag duck al’orange & put him piece of kaken to rot for 20 years! You see Sarah’le, the goyim will start to realise that all this Credit Zimes is our Job. As you know, here in the Palestinian solidarity they know about Mony’le and Tranc’le. It won’t take long before the Americans see through us.

Now that I have told you off I will now give you 1 compliment. It is quite clever the way you adopt the persona of a spoilt racsist jewish princess when that is what you actually are. Oi!!! Very clever indeed.


May 15, 2008

A Salute to Those Who Keep Our World Safe

When Trancie arrived at my house today, I knew something was wrong. He had somehow lost his usual joie de vivre, his hair was unkempt, he smelled like last week’s gefilte fish, and it looked as though he had not had any sleep for a week.

Even worse, I could see from his red-rimmed eyes that he had been crying, his nose was still running, and he kept wiping it on the sleeve of his jumper, which was already criss-crossed and crusty with snail trails. I knew then that something must be going seriously wrong in his life.

Sit down, Trancie, I told him, and tell Auntie Z what’s the matter. (Though I was tempted to remind him to give his clothes a wash once in a while, I didn’t go there, as the poor man was upset enough already. But as my bubbe used to say, weeping makes the heart grow lighter.)

After quite a lot of cajoling, he came out with the truth. He told me that all the beautiful clips which my neighbour, Tziga’le Cinematsky, has been making for him, and which were uploaded at YouTube to show Trancie’s magnificent effort at Wikipedia to weed out and destroy the enemies of Israel, have been removed by the anti-semitic elements at YouTube. He is spending all night uploading new copies, and when he wakes up in the morning, they are gone again!

I told him, Trancie, you have to stop letting our adversaries stress you out, they cannot beat us in the long run! If it’s a war they want, we will launch a full-scale shoah against the censors, which will make our invasion of Lebanon look like a children’s birthday party.

I told him not to worry any more, despite the fact that the anti-semitic, anti-proletarian, anti-atheistic goyim at YouTube are taking down all of his publicity, our Tziga’le is going to create a marvellous new musical clip for him, one that is sure to get the feet tapping of even the most anti-semitic goy, with a tune that will take him to the Top of the Pops faster that you can say “Oy Vey!”.

Trancie started to cheer up a little bit when he heard about my plan to put the word out to our network of sayanim that more volunteers are needed for loading Trancie’s clips at YouTube, as well as to all the other free hosters provided on the internet. He started to smile again when I told him that in a matter of days, united against racism, we will upload hundreds of his clips to all the available sites, and the anti-semitic, anti-proletarian, anti-atheistic censors will never win this war!

As fast as they remove his material, we will continue putting it up, we will be like a beautiful blue and white AIDS virus, that multiplies each time one is removed!! The goyim will think of us as zioviruses against anti-semitism, and the holocaust-denying, neo-nazi censors will NEVER succeed in removing all references to our Trancie’le from the internet.

While Tzige’le is putting the finishing touches to Trancie’s new musical video clip (watch this space, where it will have its first showing), Tzige’le has given me permission to post his latest clip, a beautiful pictorial ode showing Trancie and many of Those Who Save the World saluting Gilad Shalit, the world’s most beloved soldier, and a human being as well as a Jew.

United against racism!

May 9, 2008

Has Harry’s Place abandoned Gilad Shalit?

Filed under: David T, Gilad Atzmon, Gilad Shalit, Harry's Place, Jewish, Mikey, Roland Rance, Tony Greenstein — auntieziona @ 10:48 am

Hoy vay, isn’t he a human being any more?

I am so concerned about the changes taking place at Harry’s Place. It now has a new look, just gib it a cook, and seemingly also a new attitude.

As all of you know, David T is my ideological mentor, a promising young Zionist rising lawyer, and it was him who inspired me to put that beautiful picture of the world’s most beloved soldier, Gilad Shalit, at the top of my blog. But when Auntie Shelomi told me about Mikey’s new post at HP, I was horrified to see that Dovid has removed the banner calling for the liberation of Gilad’el. I could not believe my eyes.

Dovid, tell me, what to do, should we give up on Shalit, a human being and a Jew? Is it fine and well if he is eaten by those Araibish cannibals, fed to the dogs, or forced to convert to Islamicism and may even end up as Jihad Shalit?

And in the same piece, Mikey (who has eaten at my table on more Friday nights than I can count, and who shares with me a passion for Streisand ball gowns) wrote that my blog is the work of an Atmond supporter! This is what he writes:

“Greenstein’s troubles go beyond allegations of serious criminal conduct and the exposure of his “wishful thinking” about terrorism. While coping with the tedium of his own blog, he faces the humiliation of a spoof blog by a supporter of Atzmon. The unidentified blogger has even started posting videos mocking a certain “Mony Gripstein” and his comrade, the irreplaceable Roland Rance.”

No, Mikey, there are good Gilads and bad Gilads, and the one I support is Gilad Shalit! Have you forgotten my borscht and kugel?

All I can say is “Don’t spit into the well – you might drink from it later”.

United against racism!

May 8, 2008

Mony’s search for identity

Filed under: anti-semitism, anti-zionism, identity, Jewish, Jews, Mony Gripstein, search, Tony Greenstein — auntieziona @ 8:32 pm

Hoy, I am so worried, everybody is giving Mony’le a hard time. The Zionists say he is a joke and the anti-Zionists ignore him because of his unlawful record. This is so horrible.

And if this is not enough, yesterday Auntie Shelomi went to the Hoydeon cinema in Swiss Cottage to see a film about Isroel and guess what!? She saw a film about Mony, where he is crying because he doesn’t know who he is anymore and what he stands for. He was so confused, my little darling Mony’le.

And to make it worse, in the film he calls himself Tony Greenstein as if he tries to assimilate! Unless, and please listen to me carefully, Tony and Mony are two different people. I have now looked at the film and I cannot make up my mind. Tony looks so much like Mony, and when he cries my cloptz turns in my bowels. They look like 2 drops of chicken soup, except for a wart which seems to be missing from Tony’s right nostril.

So I decided to put the clip up and to let you decide.

Is Mony Tony?

April 17, 2008

Auntie’s Revelation


All my neighbors in Golders Green and all the ladies at the North West London Wizo social club asked me yesterday: ‘Auntie Ziona, why do you do it, why a blog, why now, what happened, are you going meshige? They, God bless them, thought that we may have encountered a sudden illness in the family, so I try raise money on line. I don’t know what is it with our people. They always think money.

I told my friends in Wizo it recently occurred to me that what the people of Isroel need now is a mother, a woman figure, a 21st century prophet Deborah. Not a military veteran warrior like Sharoin, Rabin or Shimshoin der Giber, but a woman with big Jewish kitchen and a pair of enormous white bazookas! A female stature who spreads love, a person who grew up between boiling pots of Jewish dishes, an elder Jewess who knows how to assemble the entire Jewish people and its lost sons around a single big cosmic table. What we need is a new Golda Meir, a woman who knows how to turn a chicken into an aspirin, a woman who knows how to turn her 30 year old infantile son into a leading world heart surgeon. And guess what, three nights ago I realised that I am that woman! In the middle of the night, a gorgeous Ashkenazi angel appeared to me when I was fast asleep. He was flying in circles between our house and Bloom Delicatessen. I could see his beautiful white wings with the blue stars in between the anti-tank rockets and his armpits. He didn’t have to land or say a thing. The message was clear: I am the woman. Auntie Ziona is going to be the saver of the People of Isroel.

First thing in the morning, even before I made Maza balls for Pesach, I called my nephew Mony Gripstein who lives in Brighton. You ask why I called him rather than Lord Levy or David Abrahams. So here is my answer. I called him in spite of his horrendous reputation and in spite of his, how to say it, unlawful past. I called him because for me he is a Jewish progressive revolutionary Robin Hood. Except just a few minor differences. Robin Hood pinched from the rich and gave to the poor, Mony’le pinched from the poor and gave to himself.

I called Mony’le because deep in his heart he is a Jew like all of us, and like all of us he relentlessly fights the haters of Isroel. And guess what, Mony’le didn’t ask questions, he took the bus first, because he doesn’t have a car and the train is too expensive. He schlepped all the way to Golders Green. He took me to this Appleboim Macintoyesh centre in Brent Cross and bought me this beautiful white machine which I call Jewish Powermac. Mony’le promised me that though all the Appleboim computers are made in China by little yellow Maoist goyim, they are perfectly kosher cos the knowledge comes from Intel Isroel. To make a long story short, he said that should I feel completely Jewishly safe between Beijing and Jerusalem.

Mony’le was sitting with me and showed me how to switch it on. Just to keep him happy I served him with some small appetizers: rogalch, chopped liver, soup with maza balls, borsht with yogurt and apple shtrudle with cream. He ate everything except the soup, because the Maza came from Isroel and Tony’le supports the boycott of Isroeli products. It is very clever of Tony, because it makes the Goyims believe that not all Jews are bad. I tell you, the Kosher diet of the Jewish Marxists is even more complicated than the frumers of Stanford Hill.

Mony’le didn’t waste time, he took me for a long journey into this wonderful world called internet that was of course invented by our people in Tel Aviv scientific park for the benefit of humanity. And he then took me to see all these anti-Simone horrible specimens such as this Noam Chopsky and Norman Finkelstein, Isroel Shamir and Marsheimer, and Jeff Blankfort and Paul Eoisen who I know since he was a little baby. I tell you, this Eoisen always had a big problem, he was always too honest and genuine. He could never be an ordinary tribal Jew in million years.

And then, guess what, Mony’le took me to see this Klezmer musician whom he hates, Axmen or Yatsman whatever his name is, we saw him on youtube. I tell you, the way he blows his trumete, my loins were shaking in my lower belly. I tell you, for a second I wished this Axman was my nephew rather than Mony’le. One look at his eyes, and I knew he would love my Maza balls. I thought of him coming over to eat my gefilthe. But then I learned from Mony’le that this Axman is a self-hater and ex-Jew, and he mixes with Nazis and he is a lost man in general. And if this is not enough, this horrible Axman is not impressed with Jewish Radicals either. He says that Marxist Jews are there to trick the Goyim. What can I say, this trumpeter is no stupid. He may be right about that one but why is he sharing the truth with the Goyim?

Before Mony’le left, he sat with me and set this site that looks exactly like his.

I am the Auntie for all the Jewish people around the world. For the self lovers, and the Zionists, and the Religious, and the orthodox and the semi-orthodox, and the reforms. But I am as well the auntie for the self-haters. I am the Auntie of our lost Jewish tribe: for the Jewish Bolsheviks, and the Jewish cosmopolitans and the Jewish atheists and the Jewish anti-Zionists. I am their Auntie because we are one people made and one blood, and we are all united by hatred, and loath to those who do not accept us for who we are and what we are.

Here is my word: Give me a year and I will bring all of us together even before Rosh Ashana.

And guess what, if I am as clever as I pretend to be, I promise to bring back the Auntie Simones: The Chomskys, the Shamirs, the Eoisen, the Axmans, Jesus, Spinoize and hopefully Jimmy Cunter or whatever you call him. We are one people made and of one blood, and I will bring us all together.

As Mony Gripstein says

We are all United Against Racism

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