Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

November 25, 2008

Is Saint Bibi the One we have been waiting for?

Oy vay, our Likudnik Bibi Netanyahu never misses a beat.

As America pulled off the most vunderlekh marketing campaign in history with the launch of Obambi’le in the role of Jesus Christ Superstar, and managed to rebrand itself as well as “wipe the slate clean”, our koisher politicians in Israel have been watching and learning.

“No shmate,” Bibi’le thought to himself, “if good public relations can make a presidential saint out of an ordinary shabbat goy with a dodgy background, maybe I can come out of the election looking like the Messiah! Wiping the slate clean would be so nice…”

Our Bibi, who recently called for the islamofascist president of Iran to be tried for genocide at The Hague, saying: “We must cry Gevalt before the entire world,” is most well known for stating in 2001 that the 9/11 Twin Tower attacks were “very good”:

Asked tonight what the attack meant for relations between the United States and Israel, Benjamin Netanyahu, the former prime minister, replied, ”It’s very good.” Then he edited himself: ”Well, not very good, but it will generate immediate sympathy.”

Nu shoin, so after giving his website a massive face lift to make it look like a mirror of Obambi’s,

Copycat Bibi’le also decided to put two of our best mishpokhe in charge of his upcoming election campaign, and recruited Bill Knapp and Josh Isay, the hasbara strategists who stage-managed Obambi’s record-breaking campaign after first cutting their teeth on promoting Mikhael’le Bloomberg and Senator Joe’le Lieberman.

I’ve heard that Bill Knapp has advised Bibi to keep working on his tan for now, and is already unearthing startling evidence of Bibi’s paternal roots in Ethiopia, as well as his ties to the Jewish saints of Morocco.

And with Josh “DoubleClick” Isay at the helm, our Benyamin won’t even have to use his messianic intuition to access, without their permission, the personal details and private information of visitors to his site.

Good luck Bibi’le, and as my bobeshi used to say, Ez men est khazer zol rinen ariber der bord – If you’re going to eat pork, eat the best kind.

United Against Terrorism!

vunderlekh – wonderful
no shmate
no shit
shabbat goy – the gentile employed in a Jewish household on the Sabbath-day to perform services which are religiously forbidden to Jews on that day

gevalt – an expression of dismay
– family, kin, can also mean “crime family”
hasbara – a word encompassing information as well as propaganda
bobeshi – granny

November 19, 2008

A Shikse with a Yiddisher Kop

Oy oy oy, we are so happy to hear that Hillary has accepted the Secretary of State position from our Obambi’le.

Condoleeza’le will be able to sleep well at night when she goes off to play the piano, knowing that Hillary is on the job.

Our Hillary has supported Israel for such a long time, even more so than her husband Bill, and she was the one who urged him to make “a different decision” when he was the President and the US once failed to use its veto to protect Israel in the Security Council.

Our Hillary’le is having a fantastic week, with Israel’s blockade of food and medical supplies into Gaza and the tanks rolling into Rafah on Tuesday. She’s been in favour of cutting off US aid if Palestine doesn’t do what we, the Jews, want, since before her husband was President.

When asked about the possibility of a Palestinian State, she stated: “There is no question mark next to me. There’s an exclamation point. I am an emphatic, unwavering supporter of Israel’s safety and security.”

Oy vey, what more could we ask for? She may be a shikse, but she’s a shikse with a yiddisher kop.

In 2005, she visited our Israel and met with Ariel Sharon, who she described as “a courageous” man. Then she chose to have her photo-op at the Israeli settlement of Gilo, built on land confiscated from Palestinians, and one of nine settlements and 78 checkpoints enclosing Bethlehem.

And our Hillary’le stood in in front of the separation wall that the government of Israel was building with American money, and praised the wall, calling it a “fence” and a “security barrier to keep terrorists out,” even though the UN World Court had declared that it was “contrary to international law”. She even had the chutzpah to say she had “taken the International Court of Justice to task for questioning Israel’s right to build the fence”!

Oh yes, we can forget about the UN World Court and the United Nations messing in our business any more once Hillary comes to power. Hillary loves the Jewish people, and she supports all of Israel’s ways of oppressing and eventually expelling all the Palestinians remaining west of the Jordan River. She is one of us.

We can remain tranquil, knowing that our Hillary also hates Iran. She said, “the dire threat posed by the potential of a nuclear-armed Iran, not only to Israel, but also to Europe and Russia. Just this week, the new president of Iran made further outrageous comments that attacked Israel’s right to exist that are simply beyond the pale of international discourse and acceptability. During my meeting with Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, I was reminded vividly of the threats that Israel faces every hour of every day … It became even more clear how important it is for the United States to stand with Israel…”

With Rahm’le Emanuel as Chief of Staff and Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State, Obambi is really giving the Arabs the middle finger. We can sit beside the pool and relax, knowing that there will be no change in his Middle East policies.

Mazel Tov, Hillary!

United Against the Arabs!

Shikse – Any non-Jewish woman, often referring to the curvy blonde that every loving Jewish mother fears her son will marry
Kop – head
Goyim – non-Jewish people

Cross-posted at The People’s Voice

November 6, 2008

Jews Against Prostate Cancer!

Filed under: Iran — auntieziona @ 2:48 am

Oi, I saw this petitzale below, with all the concerns of the Jews in Canada, even Avraima’le Spritzenbundfeld from the Jewish Prostate and Lungs Oispital (Jewish PLO) at the Spritz and Gefarten Clinic in Montreal, as well as Noamchik and my Mony’le… and I thought that it was pretty clever.

Whatever happens in Iran, Jews declare their innocence in advance, even if it is just 200 out of 20 million.

It always seems to work with the Goyim, but somehow G_d doesn’t buy this trick. He allowed our enemies to smite us in the Holocaust, in spite of the fact that at least 200 Jews took him very seriously. Nu shoin, as we all know, Judaism is not exactly a belief system. It is more like a profession.

But then I thought that we the Jews should extend this petitzky and stand collectively, Jewishly, synagogically and gefilthefishly, against many other things!!!

For instance, what about Jews Against Prostate Cancer?

I am sure that Noamchik Chopsky, Debbi’le Pink, Roland Schwants, Toni Grimpiss, Moishale Mushiover, Hypochondriac Jews of Canada, and even Doivid Tube would immediately approve.

Mony will be able to bring in Charli Pishthin and Socialist Urineity.

And you know what, I bet we can get the Palestinian solidarity into it. If these people are in solidarity with all those Arabs, I am pretty sure they will open their hearts and wallets to tzeliger men with severe schwantzle problems.

I tell you, my friends, if people start to blame Jews for prostate cancer, we are in a real trouble. We’d better move fast.

International Jewish Statement Against an Attack on Iran

Signed by over 150 Jews internationally. Please add your Jewish name to our statement.

(Only significantly Jewish names need apply, and in case your name fails to be Jewish enough, you can either change it for the occasion or add your Jewish entitlement e.g. “Jews Against Cancer”, “Jews for Piss”, “Don’t Piss in Our Name”, “Jews for Just Piss, No Poo Whatsoever”, “Jews for the Unemployed Who’ve Also Spent Their Conviction”, “Piss Now”, etc.)

United Against the Goyim!

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