Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

December 7, 2008

Bidna Auntie!

Filed under: Arabic, Arabs, Barack Obama, Gordon Brown, Islamophobia, Judaism — auntieziona @ 3:00 am

As much as I really don’t like goyim in general and arabs in particular, it seems as if they love me very much.

Nu shoin, some of my admirers have even started sending me versions of my own writing lovingly translated into Arabic, like this one I received last week from a man who I suspect wants to convert to Judaism:

أنا العمة زيونا أنا الصوت اليديشي في الموقع العبثي التفليسي، أنا فخورة، أنا كوشير (ما يحل أكلة حسب الشريعة اليودية)، أنا بطلة، وأنا الضحية، أنا يهودية، أنا كافرة، وأنا عالمية، ولكني أحب شعبي بنفس النسبة أو أكثر التي أكره بها جميع الآخرين، أتكلم عالمياً، ولنني أفكر قبلياً. مرة في العام أعود (عاليا) إلى “إسرائيل”. ومرة في الآسبوع آكل سمك “غيفيلفث”. ويومياً أتناول حساء الدجاج. أنا سعيدة، أنا دائما سعيدة جداً…
العمة زيونا – أنظر لمحة كاملة عن حياتي

كي لا تستلم أي رسائل مني في المستقبل، ولا حتى هانوكه، ولا كعك يهودي، أو شعور بالخطيئة…. أرسل رسالة الكترونية بالرجوع تحت عنوان، “الرجاء لا ترسلوا شالوم(ات) ما تتدعون أنه سلام”

Oy vey, you can probably guess why even the Adibs and Muhammeds regard me as their very own Tante’le. Obviously they’ve heard about my gefilte recipe, but to tell you the truth, I cannot see how people who turn chickpeas into that revolting punishment they call hummus can even understand the subtlety of the knudel, the chicken soup and the gefilte.

Oy oy oy, what can I say about goyisher logic that hasn’t been said already?! These arabs, they want to throw us to the sea, but they want to eat our gefilte first. This is why I call them islamofascists and support Obambi’s and Brown’s plan to nuke them as soon as possible.

United against the goyim!

We want (Arabic)

November 15, 2008

Wiki plays ball with our Rahm

Filed under: Benjamin Emanuel, Google, Irgun, Islamophobia, Israel, Rahm Emanuel, Wikipedia — auntieziona @ 2:13 pm

Oy gevalt, the meshugener goyim created such a plotz about our Benjamin’le’s innocent remark. They assumed that Rahm’s papale was saying that Obambi himself was only fit to clean the floors of the Blue and White House!

To keep the Arab street from kvetching, Rahm’le had to instruct our Wiki sayanim, Jayjg and Avraham to quickly remove Dr. Emanuel’s page from Wikipedia, and our boys at Google to sanitise the page from even the Google cache!

Luckily Auntie Shelomi made a snapshot of Dr. Benjamin’s original Wiki entry for her altar, or it would have been lost forever.

The WIZO ladies of Golders Green will be paying tribute to Dr. Benjamin and his heroic contribution to the creation of Israel tomorrow with a marathon baking session, with the winning babka to be couriered across the Atlantic first thing on Monday morning to our Benjamin’le in Illinois.

United Against the Goyim!

November 14, 2008

"What is he, an Arab?"

Oi vey, Rahm’le Emanuel, our Mossad shpion in the white house is really too polite to the Arabs. Maybe it is because he was initially trained as a ballerina.

Read for yourself:

“Obama’s incoming chief-of-staff, Rahm Emanuel, apologized to an Arab-American group for his father’s line when asked about his loyalties: “What is he, an Arab?”

“Today, Rep. Emanuel called Mary Rose Oakar, President of the American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee, apologized on behalf of his family and offered to meet with representatives of the Arab-American community at an appropriate time in the future,” said an Emanuel spokesman, Nick Papas.”

Rahm’le, don’t you forget that it is our money you are playing with.

United Against the Goyim!

October 14, 2008

Harry Platzen – Sink or Swim!

Filed under: David T, Harry's Place, Islamophobia — auntieziona @ 6:57 pm

Oi, these days our Sayanim are not doing as well as in the old days. You know about my Nephew Mony’le Gripstien and Wiki master Roland Tranc’le, who have managed to burn all bridges with the Palestinian Solidarity Movement. So now, thanks to those shelmazels, even the Marxists and the communists do not follow our Jewish call anymore.

But to my great disappointment even our smear operators are doing very badly. The other day when I was browsing the net to find some cheering anti-Muslim news I came across this headline in the Daily Tel Aviv (Daily Telegraph): “Non-Muslim father banned from London pool”.

For two minutes, I was very happy, but then I realized that the innocent “non-Muslim father” was none other than my other nephew, the notorious slander master, David Toube from Harry Platzen (Schnel zi Harry). Dovid’le told the paper, “I arrived at the pool to discover that they were holding what staff described to me as ‘Muslim men-only swimming’… I asked whether my son and I could go as we were both male. I was told that the session was for Muslims only and that we could not be admitted.”

Oi Vey, I was about to cry to G_d in heaven, as if Mony and his tzures aren’t enough, we have now lost another son of Israel, who insists on bathing with Goyim like Azmoned, Eoizen and Jesus. I was so shocked to read that our angel son, David Toube, who is monitored daily by Islamophobia Watch and anti-bigotry sites, now wants to swim with Muslims.

But then I realized that Dovid’le was just trying to get some media attention. I am used to it, Mony’le is exactly the same. It was so clever of Dovid’le not to mention to the press that just a few weeks earlier, he had been turned away from a seesion at that very same pool, which was was reserved for just Haredi Jewish women! It was such a shame, because this is when I was there, and I had nice gefilthe in a plastic box which he could have shared.

Oi-ever, I think it would be far more effective if Dovid’le stops trying to swim with Arabs, and rather keeps pretending to be libertarian Neocon, David T. As a writer for the Jewish Chronicle, I also think he’d be better off schlepping all the way to Haifa Bay, Tel Aviv or Ashkelon, and joining our brothers and sisters on the beach.

What do you reckon?

Auntie Shelomi remembers Dovid’le from his Bar Mitzvah and was inspired to pen a few lines as an ode to him and his swim to the top of the corporate ladder. She’s entering the Niemuller poetry contest at Palestine Think Tank with this piece:

First they came for the men who tried to get into the swimming session restricted to children only,
And I didn’t speak up because I have children too.

Then they came for the men who tried to get into the swimming session restricted to women only,
And I didn’t speak out because I too have a wife, and a mother, and a sister.

Then they came for the men who tried to get into the swimming session restricted to Haredis,
And I didn’t speak up because Haredis are part of the Chosen People.

Then they came for the men who tried to gatecrash the swimming session restricted to Muslim males,
And I did speak up, in fact I screamed about it at the top of my voice
to the Daily Mail, the Guardian and the Telegraph.

I managed to whip up quite some anti-Muslim hysteria.
You see, I was angling for a promotion at Cleary, Gottlieb, Steen and Hamilton.

United Against the Goyim!

Create a free website or blog at