This is How We’re Jewish

I hope Tziga’le will find the time to produce an Auntie version.

Keith from Up da Block.

An Anti-Semitic Joke

One sunny day in 2009 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he’d been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.”

The Marine looked at the man and said, “Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.” The old man said, “Okay” and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.” The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.” The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U. S. Marine, saying “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.” The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I’ve told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don ‘t you understand?” The old man looked at the Marine and said, “Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it.

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted and said,” See you tomorrow Sir”.

United Against Humour

Aunties Open Letter to Sarah Silverman

Dear Sarah’le

When I saw your new film clip I told Mony’le to pack our suitcases & head for Denmark because these goyam will want to kill us all. Even despite the rising cost of british gas.

See more Sarah Silverman videos at Funny or Die

I know that you are on anti-depressents so you are obviously slightly fragile. But please please please leave suicide to the palestinains and this meshigine bin loiden. It is our job, as jews, to induce suicide in other people, not practice it ourselves. And Sarah’le what you did in your film is very dangerous for us all. Poor Mony’le is making a cup of tea right now wearing his gatkes and a gas mask made of Schnizel.. He is terrified & it is your fault.

Now, it is true that jews should vote for this black man who loves israel. We all know that he is the best one for us. But why not just send an annonimous email? Using our Jewish media like the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times and this Foxmanl News. Why to make the film, print the Tshirt & sell the mugs? When we jews run a war or paying for a Marxist revolution we find some clever ways to do it all.

Sarah’le my engale, everybody can see from your film that you vote for what is best for israel, not what is best for America , this makes you a trator. Look what they did to the meshigine boy from Califirnia who fought in the Taliban. They wrapped him up like a boil-in-the-bag duck al’orange & put him piece of kaken to rot for 20 years! You see Sarah’le, the goyim will start to realise that all this Credit Zimes is our Job. As you know, here in the Palestinian solidarity they know about Mony’le and Tranc’le. It won’t take long before the Americans see through us.

Now that I have told you off I will now give you 1 compliment. It is quite clever the way you adopt the persona of a spoilt racsist jewish princess when that is what you actually are. Oi!!! Very clever indeed.

Cream of the Jewish Revolutionary Dance Contest

Oy vey, it is so exciting! My chuchem neighbour Tziga’le is filming the 60th annual Jewish Revolutionary Dance Contest, and Golders Green has come alive with the sound of music.

On every street corner they are selling delicious Jewish delicacies and for the children special battery-powered Stars of David which have a strobe light that keeps time with the rhythm.

So far the line-up is looking quite superb. The contest will continue through the next two weeks, and Auntie Ziona will keep you posted about the finalists and eventual winners of the all-expenses paid trip to Jerusalem for the Holocaust Slow Dancing Contest scheduled for later this year.

Some of the entrants from just this afternoon’s exciting array of dancers:

First we started with the Sayanim’s Can-Can, featuring the Shabbat Goy Sarah’le Blackwell, the UK Neocon, Doivid Hirsh, our Man at Wiki, tRance’le, Anti Defamatory Abe’le Foxman und my darling nephew, Shopy Liftenstein.

Then drawing a sharp in-breath from the gathered crowd, onto the stage came the glittering duo, Disco Stars Mrs ‘Rance’le und my delightful nephew Shopy’le again, representing “Jews Against Zionism” as well as the tzviene Bundist left.

This was followed by, for the first time in the history of the contest, the Sexy Self-Haters category, with Finkelsoin from Americe, Poipe from Extoyer, und Atzmoned from Londonistan. Together they ask what love is all about.

And showing us what happens in the magical midnight hours when the Goyim are sleeping and the Jews are having fun, Sexy Shabbat Goya mit Shop Liftenshtein.

And the grand finale for the romantics in the audience, Trance’le mit Lenni’le und soft lighting.

United Against Racism!