Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

October 14, 2008

Harry Platzen – Sink or Swim!

Filed under: David T, Harry's Place, Islamophobia — auntieziona @ 6:57 pm

Oi, these days our Sayanim are not doing as well as in the old days. You know about my Nephew Mony’le Gripstien and Wiki master Roland Tranc’le, who have managed to burn all bridges with the Palestinian Solidarity Movement. So now, thanks to those shelmazels, even the Marxists and the communists do not follow our Jewish call anymore.

But to my great disappointment even our smear operators are doing very badly. The other day when I was browsing the net to find some cheering anti-Muslim news I came across this headline in the Daily Tel Aviv (Daily Telegraph): “Non-Muslim father banned from London pool”.

For two minutes, I was very happy, but then I realized that the innocent “non-Muslim father” was none other than my other nephew, the notorious slander master, David Toube from Harry Platzen (Schnel zi Harry). Dovid’le told the paper, “I arrived at the pool to discover that they were holding what staff described to me as ‘Muslim men-only swimming’… I asked whether my son and I could go as we were both male. I was told that the session was for Muslims only and that we could not be admitted.”

Oi Vey, I was about to cry to G_d in heaven, as if Mony and his tzures aren’t enough, we have now lost another son of Israel, who insists on bathing with Goyim like Azmoned, Eoizen and Jesus. I was so shocked to read that our angel son, David Toube, who is monitored daily by Islamophobia Watch and anti-bigotry sites, now wants to swim with Muslims.

But then I realized that Dovid’le was just trying to get some media attention. I am used to it, Mony’le is exactly the same. It was so clever of Dovid’le not to mention to the press that just a few weeks earlier, he had been turned away from a seesion at that very same pool, which was was reserved for just Haredi Jewish women! It was such a shame, because this is when I was there, and I had nice gefilthe in a plastic box which he could have shared.

Oi-ever, I think it would be far more effective if Dovid’le stops trying to swim with Arabs, and rather keeps pretending to be libertarian Neocon, David T. As a writer for the Jewish Chronicle, I also think he’d be better off schlepping all the way to Haifa Bay, Tel Aviv or Ashkelon, and joining our brothers and sisters on the beach.

What do you reckon?

Auntie Shelomi remembers Dovid’le from his Bar Mitzvah and was inspired to pen a few lines as an ode to him and his swim to the top of the corporate ladder. She’s entering the Niemuller poetry contest at Palestine Think Tank with this piece:

First they came for the men who tried to get into the swimming session restricted to children only,
And I didn’t speak up because I have children too.

Then they came for the men who tried to get into the swimming session restricted to women only,
And I didn’t speak out because I too have a wife, and a mother, and a sister.

Then they came for the men who tried to get into the swimming session restricted to Haredis,
And I didn’t speak up because Haredis are part of the Chosen People.

Then they came for the men who tried to gatecrash the swimming session restricted to Muslim males,
And I did speak up, in fact I screamed about it at the top of my voice
to the Daily Mail, the Guardian and the Telegraph.

I managed to whip up quite some anti-Muslim hysteria.
You see, I was angling for a promotion at Cleary, Gottlieb, Steen and Hamilton.

United Against the Goyim!

May 9, 2008

Has Harry’s Place abandoned Gilad Shalit?

Filed under: David T, Gilad Atzmon, Gilad Shalit, Harry's Place, Jewish, Mikey, Roland Rance, Tony Greenstein — auntieziona @ 10:48 am

Hoy vay, isn’t he a human being any more?

I am so concerned about the changes taking place at Harry’s Place. It now has a new look, just gib it a cook, and seemingly also a new attitude.

As all of you know, David T is my ideological mentor, a promising young Zionist rising lawyer, and it was him who inspired me to put that beautiful picture of the world’s most beloved soldier, Gilad Shalit, at the top of my blog. But when Auntie Shelomi told me about Mikey’s new post at HP, I was horrified to see that Dovid has removed the banner calling for the liberation of Gilad’el. I could not believe my eyes.

Dovid, tell me, what to do, should we give up on Shalit, a human being and a Jew? Is it fine and well if he is eaten by those Araibish cannibals, fed to the dogs, or forced to convert to Islamicism and may even end up as Jihad Shalit?

And in the same piece, Mikey (who has eaten at my table on more Friday nights than I can count, and who shares with me a passion for Streisand ball gowns) wrote that my blog is the work of an Atmond supporter! This is what he writes:

“Greenstein’s troubles go beyond allegations of serious criminal conduct and the exposure of his “wishful thinking” about terrorism. While coping with the tedium of his own blog, he faces the humiliation of a spoof blog by a supporter of Atzmon. The unidentified blogger has even started posting videos mocking a certain “Mony Gripstein” and his comrade, the irreplaceable Roland Rance.”

No, Mikey, there are good Gilads and bad Gilads, and the one I support is Gilad Shalit! Have you forgotten my borscht and kugel?

All I can say is “Don’t spit into the well – you might drink from it later”.

United against racism!

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