Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

January 14, 2009

Kosher Mass Murderers

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , — auntieziona @ 4:16 pm

Oi my Got, our Foix news has been saying that A 3-year-old boy named Adolf Hitler and his two Nazi-named younger sisters were removed from their New Jersey home last week and placed in state custody, police said.”

But now I read on JC that Papa’le and Mama’le Campbell have come up with a new plan to bring children into the world, thanks Got. They learned their lesson, so they say.

From now on they will call their kids after kosher mass murderers.

United against the Nazis

January 11, 2009

Will Barak Follow in Eichmann’s Footsteps?

Oy, so many wild dreams I’ve been having these days, probably because of this war against the mishuggah hamasniks.Last night, my dream was set in the future, which is very strange because we, the Jewish people, usually fantasize solely about the past.

Oi ever, this dream was set in something like 2020. Ehud’le Barak, Tzipi’le Livni, Shimon’le Peres and Ehud’le Olmert were seeking shelter overseas because of the War Crimes Tribunal. The mishuggenahs in the Hague were blaming them for crimes against humanity, can you believe this narishkeit? When all they did was to kill some arabs.
In my dream, Barak was captured in NYC, schlepping refrigerators and sofas for an Israeli moving company. This is what many Israelis do in Americe once they finish their military service.

Tzipi’le was arrested in Buenos Aires, posing as an art student and running an S & M brothel on the side, Olmert’le was discovered managing a kosher abattoir in Brooklyn, and Peres was found running a euthanasia center in the dungeons of Windsor Castle.

These hamasnik agents captured them all. In my dream, Ehud’le was put in a hand’le suitcase because he is very, very small like Napoleon, and brought back to Goyza to face justice. Barak said in his defence that he was just “following orders” just like this farshluggineh, Adolf Eichmann.

Oi, i was so worried for Ehud’le. I tossed and I turned in my bed. Nu shoin, they were about to execute him and burn him like Eichmann! I knew that for Eichmann we had built a special big oven, but for Ehud’le all they would need is a medium sized microwave, which they would be able to reuse afterwards.

At 6 am, I woke up sweating and read on Ynet that Israel is still alive and is even still killing its neighbours, so I relaxed and made myself a kleine coffee, which I had with a nice apfel shtrudel.

United against the goyim

Mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts

Narishkeit (nar-ish-kite) – foolishness (a nar is a fool) “An artist, you want to be? Never mind this narishkeit! Better you should go to college and get a real job!”
Farshluggineh (far-shlug-in-ah) – crazy mixed up, wacky and worthless.
Shlep – haul, carry, drag, either something or oneself. “I feel naked if I’m not shlepping at least 15 bags.”

January 9, 2009

An Israeli Joke Overheard in Blooms…


Oy, yesterday in Blooms I heard a horrible Israeli joke:

The Israeli optimists learn Arabic….

The Israeli pessimists study English…..

And the Israeli realists practice swimming.

United against the goyim!

January 5, 2009

Like Lambs to the Slaughter!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , — auntieziona @ 8:22 am

Oy oy oy, my heart is breaking for our kinderlekh lambs, sent into that islamofascist zoo where they have been promised a “black fate” by the hamasniks.

I could just feel it in my kishkas that something terrible was going to happen when the tanks started rolling into Goyza with our jungen inside, and today I learned that already many of our yiddishe soldaten have been killed and at least two of our finest have been captured in the most brutal fashion, to await their fates as kidnapniks.

Nu shoin, at least our Gilad’le Shalit won’t be alone any more. But despite our ground invasion, the islamofascists continue to fire their rockets into the heart of our people!

Oy gevalt, I really want to ask Ehud’le and Tzipi’le, why do we have to send the cream of our soldaten into that seething pit of terrorists? Can’t we just nuke them quietly or fry those Palestinians from afar, like our American brethren did with the Fallujans?

Surely our supplies of cluster bombs, white phosphorous and depleted uranium will do the trick.

Just this one time, was it really necessary for our kinderlekh lambs to be sent to plant landmines throughout Goyza? We don’t have to prove that we are brave, because the goyim don’t believe it anyway.

Auntie is not stupid. A few days ago when I realised that the battle against the mishuggah hamasniks was immanent, I asked my two Israeli nephews in the IDF to report from the front lines. I know that Rahm’le Maccoby and and Shimshon Greenstein keep their cell phones next to their grenades at all times.

Both Rahm’le, who is a tank commander, and Shimshon’le, who is a rabbinical officer and front-line kosher superviser, called me back in tears. Rahm’le was tearing his clothes and weeping that he could not take the battle any more, after watching an Apache being blown to bits. Shimshon’le managed to get out the news that he’d seen his friends being roasted alive in their tanks.Now both of my poor kleine nephews find themselves trapped behind eight-meter high walls inside Goyza, in a booby-trapped war zone.

Oy gevalt, I have no other option but to beg for Barak’s mercy. If you do not want to stop the killing, shoin. But first just let my Maccoby and Greenstein go home.

I want the whole family to be together at kleine Ariel’s Bar Mitzvah next week.

United against the slaughter!

Kinderlekh
– darling children
Kishka – guts, as in “Some secret agent! After 10 minutes of questioning, he spilled his kishkas!”
Jungen – young
Mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.