Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

January 17, 2009

Madoff Bris Today

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , — auntieziona @ 4:02 pm
United against the gonif!

December 26, 2008

Shylock in Yiddish

shylockIn memory of our ancestor in Venice who demanded a pound of goyim flesh to cover outstanding interest payments.

Shakespeare came up with Shylock without knowing Madoff, the Lehman brothers or Lord Levy. You know why? Because Shakespeare was writing about himself. He was one of us! And it sounds far better in Yiddish.

United against the goyim

December 21, 2008

The Kleine Gonif Is Talking about the Groisse One

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , — auntieziona @ 6:21 pm

My nephew Mony’le Gripstein is best known as a kliene gonif, with at least eleven misadventures that he never told his papa’le and mami’le about.

He’s had his hands in so many seedy court dramas that the family prefers not to discuss, but my Mony was never a groisse gonif, just a kleine one, what the goyim call a petty gonif.

Oi ever. Mony’le like Madoff loves to play with other people’s “ill-gotten gains”.

When all his mishuggah friends in the Palestinian movement found out about Mony’s slippery fingers, Mony played the Socialist Card and came with exactly the same line each time: “Nothing is wrong with relieving the banks of their ill-gotten gains,” he said.

In the Talmud we say “Once a gonif, always a gonif”.

The way I see it, the only difference between Madoff and Mony’le is the level of talent and honesty.

While Bernie’le did it big time, but was honest enough to confess, Mony’le was caught at the very beginning of his career, and since then he’s been hiding behind his various “spent convictions”.

Nu shoin, what can we do, Mony’le is our family shmendrik, but I love him so much.

Mony’le’s scheming mind has now come up with a new line. Uch, my Mony, a genius he’s not. He says because Bernie stole not only from the goyim, but also from Jews, his crime proves that there are no Jewish conspiracies.

Oi my Mony’le, you’ll never get it. Our Madoff’s swindle has permanently transferred 50 billion of gentile gelt into Jewish hands. He was stealing for the Jews and for Eretz Yisrael.

It was a pyramid scheme, and for decades our Madoff was taking from the goyim at the bottom and giving it to the Jews at the top.

If the truth be told, Bernie is our Chochem of the Year!

United against the goyim

chochem (KHOH-chem) – a possessor of wisdom, a brilliant person. It’s the ultimate tribute to a scholar. But it can also be said of a shrewd man because he’s so clever, or inventive. It is said with the highest respect, like “A chochem of the Talmud.”
gonif (gon-niff) – thief, dishonest person, embezzler, unscrupulous businessman.
groisse – big, large
mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts, loony-tunes.
shmendrik – a pathetic loser, hapless soul, an inept nincompoop; a schlemiel. Think of Jerry Lewis doing his “Ladieeeeeeeeeeesss!” bit.

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