Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

January 15, 2009

Has Hamas taken over South America?

Oy, these meshugeneh espanol socialists really don’t like us.

And with all that hot blood flowing in their veins, they won’t even queue for my chicken soup recipe.

Someone should take them aside and tell them that Marxism and Bolshevism is a Jewish thing, they cannot just take it from us without giving something in return. And I’m not talking about a handful of coca leaves to chew on in public.

For one thing it wouldn’t be kosher.

United against South America

Meshugeneh — a crazy person

January 14, 2009

Kosher Mass Murderers

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , — auntieziona @ 4:16 pm

Oi my Got, our Foix news has been saying that A 3-year-old boy named Adolf Hitler and his two Nazi-named younger sisters were removed from their New Jersey home last week and placed in state custody, police said.”

But now I read on JC that Papa’le and Mama’le Campbell have come up with a new plan to bring children into the world, thanks Got. They learned their lesson, so they say.

From now on they will call their kids after kosher mass murderers.

United against the Nazis

January 9, 2009

An Israeli Joke Overheard in Blooms…

Oy, yesterday in Blooms I heard a horrible Israeli joke:

The Israeli optimists learn Arabic….

The Israeli pessimists study English…..

And the Israeli realists practice swimming.

United against the goyim!

January 6, 2009

Brave IDF Soldaten Destroy UN-run Schools Sheltering Refugees

Click on image to enlarge

Oy, these Palestinian people are so naive, I just have to shake my head.

Did the arabs really think that they could escape our tanks and bombers after their homes were destroyed, and run to find shelter in the UN-run schools?

Nu shoin, the farcockteh hamasniks are finally finding out that there is nowhere to hide.

They seem to have forgotten that the Jewnited Nations has always worked for us. Don’t they remember 1947, when the UN gave us their country, their land and their houses?

The arabs cannot even get a ceasefire resolution passed at the UN! And after sixty years of ethnic cleansing, they still don’t get it that no rules apply during war.

If you don’t believe me, ask Americe.

United Against terrorism!

Americe – the USA, where else?
Farcockteh – all fucked up. “It used to be a nice neighborhood, but now it’s all farcockt.” As an adjective, it’s “farcockteh.” “This is a farcockteh neighborhood.”
Goyisher kop – a gentile head. Said about people who don’t think like Jews. Jews think ahead, analyzing each situation, postulating contingency plans for every possible tragic outcome.

January 5, 2009

Like Lambs to the Slaughter!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , — auntieziona @ 8:22 am

Oy oy oy, my heart is breaking for our kinderlekh lambs, sent into that islamofascist zoo where they have been promised a “black fate” by the hamasniks.

I could just feel it in my kishkas that something terrible was going to happen when the tanks started rolling into Goyza with our jungen inside, and today I learned that already many of our yiddishe soldaten have been killed and at least two of our finest have been captured in the most brutal fashion, to await their fates as kidnapniks.

Nu shoin, at least our Gilad’le Shalit won’t be alone any more. But despite our ground invasion, the islamofascists continue to fire their rockets into the heart of our people!

Oy gevalt, I really want to ask Ehud’le and Tzipi’le, why do we have to send the cream of our soldaten into that seething pit of terrorists? Can’t we just nuke them quietly or fry those Palestinians from afar, like our American brethren did with the Fallujans?

Surely our supplies of cluster bombs, white phosphorous and depleted uranium will do the trick.

Just this one time, was it really necessary for our kinderlekh lambs to be sent to plant landmines throughout Goyza? We don’t have to prove that we are brave, because the goyim don’t believe it anyway.

Auntie is not stupid. A few days ago when I realised that the battle against the mishuggah hamasniks was immanent, I asked my two Israeli nephews in the IDF to report from the front lines. I know that Rahm’le Maccoby and and Shimshon Greenstein keep their cell phones next to their grenades at all times.

Both Rahm’le, who is a tank commander, and Shimshon’le, who is a rabbinical officer and front-line kosher superviser, called me back in tears. Rahm’le was tearing his clothes and weeping that he could not take the battle any more, after watching an Apache being blown to bits. Shimshon’le managed to get out the news that he’d seen his friends being roasted alive in their tanks.Now both of my poor kleine nephews find themselves trapped behind eight-meter high walls inside Goyza, in a booby-trapped war zone.

Oy gevalt, I have no other option but to beg for Barak’s mercy. If you do not want to stop the killing, shoin. But first just let my Maccoby and Greenstein go home.

I want the whole family to be together at kleine Ariel’s Bar Mitzvah next week.

United against the slaughter!

– darling children
Kishka – guts, as in “Some secret agent! After 10 minutes of questioning, he spilled his kishkas!”
Jungen – young
Mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts

January 3, 2009

Will Shalit become the Ridley of Goyza?

Nu, I had such a terrible nightmare last night that it was a real bracha to wake up this morning.

In my dream, I was baking challah in my kitchen and I switched on the telly to watch the BBC news.

The footage showed protesting crowds in Goyza, and there in the middle of the hamasniks was our own Gilad’le Shalit, with his fist in the air and marching with some young shiksas under one of those green terrorist flags! What a kappora!

Then the camera zoomed in for an interview with him, and it became clear that those mishuggah islamofascists had kidnapped the soul of our hamisch boychick and transformed him into a grubber jung hamasnik, even more radical than Gilad’le Azmoned, who at least only hates himself.

In the dream he stated that he had decided to join them “after living among these people for more than three years, going hungry and thirsty with them, and having Gazan doctors operate on my wounds by the light of their cell phones“.

A klog is mir, I thought I would plotz! Our Gilad’le was calling for a Palestinian state with majority rule and the right of return for all the refugees, and even worse, was threatening to have his “bris reversed at the first opportunity, inshallah!”

He was not just a refusenik, but also a no-goodnik and a Hebrew-speaking hamasnik!

Then I woke up in a cold sweat with my kishkas in a knot.

Thank g_d it was only a dream, but I think we had better hurry and rescue Shalit, before he becomes the Yvonne Ridley of Goyza.

United against the hamasniks

A klog is mir — Woe is me.
Bracha — A blessing.
Bris – the circumcision
by the rabbi of male babies eight days after birth.
Challah (khal-lah) – a delicious bread made with lots of eggs, usually braided, and served at Sabbath dinner or other holiday meals.
Grubber jung (grub-beh yoong) – a coarse, crude, gross, profane young man.
— Down to earth. A real person.
Inshallah – (Arabic) – “If Allah wills”.
— Catastrophe.

Kishka – guts, intestines, literally and figuratively. “I was so upset, I was eating my kishkas out!”
Mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts, loony-tunes. “She thinks she’s going to be a fashion model? Boy, she is really mishuggah!”
No-goodnik – someone who’s on the wrong side of the law; somebody with low morals; a trouble-maker.
Plotz – literally to explode, to burst, i.e. from overeating, from excitement, from anticipation. “If I eat one more piece of cheesecake, I’m going to plotz!” “You got us tickets for Barbra’s come-back concert!? I’m plotzing!”
Refusenik – a jung who refuses to do his duty for the IDF
Shiksa – a goy woman

January 2, 2009

Santa Strikes Back

Oy gevalt, the goyim are now bringing in the Santas against us!

Here we see a Father Christmas slinging stones, amongst the Islamofacist children of Gaza. Nu shoin, when I look at these meshiggenahs, I just have to shake my head. Have they really no fear?

Our Barak’le, who’s been waiting for the hamasniks to come out with a white flag, is becoming a little anxious about the way things are going in Goyza.

But with his small stones, this kleyne Dovid may be able to scratch a tank, though he can never topple our mighty Goliath or shoot down our American planes.

Even Santa can’t stop our holy celebration of extermination.

United Against Saint Hamas-Nic

meshuggenah – crazy, someone who is nuts
kleyn – small

December 29, 2008

Hold Your Fire, What About Shalit?

Oy, I’m so unhappy with this Israeli operation in Gaza.

You want to kill arabs, shoin, you want to smite their kids and elders, shoin. But what about our innocent Jewish soldat, Gilad’le Shalit? He is as pure as driven snow.

Don’t they remember in the IDF that one angelic Jewish soul is worth thousands of islamofacist meshugenehs?

Auntie Ziona calls on the IDF to stop the blitzkrieg immediately. First we have to rescue Shalit, who is reported to be wounded. Then you have the green light from me to flatten all these arabish Hamasniks in their beds.

United against the terrorists

Meshugeneh — a crazy person

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