Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

January 14, 2009

Kosher Mass Murderers

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , — auntieziona @ 4:16 pm

Oi my Got, our Foix news has been saying that A 3-year-old boy named Adolf Hitler and his two Nazi-named younger sisters were removed from their New Jersey home last week and placed in state custody, police said.”

But now I read on JC that Papa’le and Mama’le Campbell have come up with a new plan to bring children into the world, thanks Got. They learned their lesson, so they say.

From now on they will call their kids after kosher mass murderers.

United against the Nazis

January 9, 2009

An Israeli Joke Overheard in Blooms…


Oy, yesterday in Blooms I heard a horrible Israeli joke:

The Israeli optimists learn Arabic….

The Israeli pessimists study English…..

And the Israeli realists practice swimming.

United against the goyim!

January 7, 2009

Obama’s Message to Goyza


Nu shoin, we are so pleased with the way our Obambi is maintaining his silence on the subject of Goyza, and cooperating with his handler in the Blue and White House, our Rahm’le Emanuel.

He doesn’t give us any tsuris and is really turning out to be the perfect goy golem. He knows it’s in his interests to start off with a clean slate, and just let the outgoing alta kocker handle any fallout from the Goyza operation as his last favour to Israel, if he can stay sober long enough to do so.

Rahm’le told our Obambi’le not to worry about UN interference in the operation, and to just focus on his golf handicap during his holiday. “Nu, this is what we need you to do, Obambi. Take a long break in the Pacific with your shikze and two lovely little kinderlach over the festive season.


“Whatever happens with Yisrael, just keep looking the other way. Your spiel will be that there can only be one Achasverosh at a time, and all you have to do is repeat what you said in July
:

‘If somebody was sending rochalachs into my house, where my kinders sleep at night, I’m going to do everything in my power to stop that,” you must say. “And I would expect the Israelis to do the same thing.’

“If some wise guy asks you what you would do if somebody was sending mortar kugalach or cluster bombalach into the house where your daughters sleep at night, just give the signal to our men to Taser the provocateur. Same if you’re asked what you would do if you were living under a starvation siege like a shoa muscleman and your kleine meidales were shot in their classrooms.

“Obambi’le, take it from Rahm, just keep your mouth shut and enjoy the surf.”

United against the rokalach!

Achasverosh – POTUS
Alta kocker – literally, an old shit; an old operator
Golem – an artificial creature created from mud by a rabbi using magic, endowed with supernatural strength and used to further the goals of its creator. The most famous was made by Rabbi Loew in the 16th century to defend the Jews of Prague from a pogrom.
Kinders – children
Meidales – little sweeties
Goy – a gentile, someone not Chosen
Rokalach – rockets
Sayan – our diaspora operatives who work with the Mossad
Shiksa — a goy woman, not one of the Chosen
Shoah muscleman – the name given to skinny survivors in the camps
Shpiel – a story, a sales pitch, a speech. “Don’t give me the whole shpiel. Just tell me how much this is going to cost me.”
Tsuris — Troubles, but not just any old troubles. BIG troubles, like those of Bernie’le Madoff.

January 3, 2009

Will Shalit become the Ridley of Goyza?

Nu, I had such a terrible nightmare last night that it was a real bracha to wake up this morning.

In my dream, I was baking challah in my kitchen and I switched on the telly to watch the BBC news.

The footage showed protesting crowds in Goyza, and there in the middle of the hamasniks was our own Gilad’le Shalit, with his fist in the air and marching with some young shiksas under one of those green terrorist flags! What a kappora!

Then the camera zoomed in for an interview with him, and it became clear that those mishuggah islamofascists had kidnapped the soul of our hamisch boychick and transformed him into a grubber jung hamasnik, even more radical than Gilad’le Azmoned, who at least only hates himself.

In the dream he stated that he had decided to join them “after living among these people for more than three years, going hungry and thirsty with them, and having Gazan doctors operate on my wounds by the light of their cell phones“.

A klog is mir, I thought I would plotz! Our Gilad’le was calling for a Palestinian state with majority rule and the right of return for all the refugees, and even worse, was threatening to have his “bris reversed at the first opportunity, inshallah!”

He was not just a refusenik, but also a no-goodnik and a Hebrew-speaking hamasnik!

Then I woke up in a cold sweat with my kishkas in a knot.

Thank g_d it was only a dream, but I think we had better hurry and rescue Shalit, before he becomes the Yvonne Ridley of Goyza.

United against the hamasniks

A klog is mir — Woe is me.
Bracha — A blessing.
Bris – the circumcision
by the rabbi of male babies eight days after birth.
Challah (khal-lah) – a delicious bread made with lots of eggs, usually braided, and served at Sabbath dinner or other holiday meals.
Grubber jung (grub-beh yoong) – a coarse, crude, gross, profane young man.
Hamisch
— Down to earth. A real person.
Inshallah – (Arabic) – “If Allah wills”.
Kappora
— Catastrophe.

Kishka – guts, intestines, literally and figuratively. “I was so upset, I was eating my kishkas out!”
Mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts, loony-tunes. “She thinks she’s going to be a fashion model? Boy, she is really mishuggah!”
No-goodnik – someone who’s on the wrong side of the law; somebody with low morals; a trouble-maker.
Plotz – literally to explode, to burst, i.e. from overeating, from excitement, from anticipation. “If I eat one more piece of cheesecake, I’m going to plotz!” “You got us tickets for Barbra’s come-back concert!? I’m plotzing!”
Refusenik – a jung who refuses to do his duty for the IDF
Shiksa – a goy woman

December 29, 2008

Hold Your Fire, What About Shalit?

Oy, I’m so unhappy with this Israeli operation in Gaza.

You want to kill arabs, shoin, you want to smite their kids and elders, shoin. But what about our innocent Jewish soldat, Gilad’le Shalit? He is as pure as driven snow.

Don’t they remember in the IDF that one angelic Jewish soul is worth thousands of islamofacist meshugenehs?

Auntie Ziona calls on the IDF to stop the blitzkrieg immediately. First we have to rescue Shalit, who is reported to be wounded. Then you have the green light from me to flatten all these arabish Hamasniks in their beds.

United against the terrorists

Meshugeneh — a crazy person

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