Olmert Gives Condi a Good Frosk

Oy gevalt, our swartze shiksa in the Blue and White House momentarily forgot her place last week, and I am so yappy that our Ehud’le Olmert taught her a good lesson.

Condi’le perhaps thought that with almost a thousand goyim in Goyza already exterminated, her record in Fallujah was in danger of being beaten by us, the Jewish people, and so she decided to vote along with all the other UN shmeggegies to end the genocide.

She must have forgotten about the demographic problem Israel is dealing with here, not to mention the fact that our IDF is doing Americe a big favour by testing out all those new weapons.

Ehud’le had to bring Condi down to size very quickly with a good frosk.

“She was left shamed,” said our Prime Minestrone about Condi’le Noodle. “A resolution that she prepared and arranged, and in the end she did not vote in favour.”

Oy, our Olmert is such a shimshon der giber, even with Bush he doesn’t save his words.

“I said, ‘Get me President Bush on the phone”. They said he was in the middle of giving a speech in Philadelphia. I said he didn’t care. ‘I need to talk to him now’. He got off the podium and spoke to me.”

This is our Jewish power. It is called chutzpah. It means we can get away with everything and anything we want to do.

Hopefully our incoming goyim at the Blue and White House will take this as a good reminder about who makes the important decisions.

United against insubordination

Chutzpah – unmitigated gall, brazanness beyond imagination.
Fosk – a sharp slap in the face.
Oy! Gevalt! – An expression of dismay. Ach! Heaven forbid!
Shiksa – a goy woman.
Shmeggegie (shmeh-geg-gee) – a doofus, an idiot, a silly, foolish dolt. A hapless fool who’s maybe not quite playing with a full deck. There’s a whiff of emotional instability about such a person.
Shimshon der giber – arrogant son of a bitch

Will Barak Follow in Eichmann’s Footsteps?

Oy, so many wild dreams I’ve been having these days, probably because of this war against the mishuggah hamasniks.Last night, my dream was set in the future, which is very strange because we, the Jewish people, usually fantasize solely about the past.

Oi ever, this dream was set in something like 2020. Ehud’le Barak, Tzipi’le Livni, Shimon’le Peres and Ehud’le Olmert were seeking shelter overseas because of the War Crimes Tribunal. The mishuggenahs in the Hague were blaming them for crimes against humanity, can you believe this narishkeit? When all they did was to kill some arabs.

In my dream, Barak was captured in NYC, schlepping refrigerators and sofas for an Israeli moving company. This is what many Israelis do in Americe once they finish their military service.

Tzipi’le was arrested in Buenos Aires, posing as an art student and running an S & M brothel on the side, Olmert’le was discovered managing a kosher abattoir in Brooklyn, and Peres was found running a euthanasia center in the dungeons of Windsor Castle.

These hamasnik agents captured them all. In my dream, Ehud’le was put in a hand’le suitcase because he is very, very small like Napoleon, and brought back to Goyza to face justice. Barak said in his defence that he was just “following orders” just like this farshluggineh, Adolf Eichmann.

Oi, i was so worried for Ehud’le. I tossed and I turned in my bed. Nu shoin, they were about to execute him and burn him like Eichmann! I knew that for Eichmann we had built a special big oven, but for Ehud’le all they would need is a medium sized microwave, which they would be able to reuse afterwards.

At 6 am, I woke up sweating and read on Ynet that Israel is still alive and is even still killing its neighbours, so I relaxed and made myself a kleine coffee, which I had with a nice apfel shtrudel.

United against the goyim

Mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts

Narishkeit (nar-ish-kite) – foolishness (a nar is a fool) “An artist, you want to be? Never mind this narishkeit! Better you should go to college and get a real job!”
Farshluggineh (far-shlug-in-ah) – crazy mixed up, wacky and worthless.
Shlep – haul, carry, drag, either something or oneself. “I feel naked if I’m not shlepping at least 15 bags.”

Obama’s Message to Goyza

Nu shoin, we are so pleased with the way our Obambi is maintaining his silence on the subject of Goyza, and cooperating with his handler in the Blue and White House, our Rahm’le Emanuel.

He doesn’t give us any tsuris and is really turning out to be the perfect goy golem. He knows it’s in his interests to start off with a clean slate, and just let the outgoing alta kocker handle any fallout from the Goyza operation as his last favour to Israel, if he can stay sober long enough to do so.

Rahm’le told our Obambi’le not to worry about UN interference in the operation, and to just focus on his golf handicap during his holiday. “Nu, this is what we need you to do, Obambi. Take a long break in the Pacific with your shikze and two lovely little kinderlach over the festive season.

“Whatever happens with Yisrael, just keep looking the other way. Your spiel will be that there can only be one Achasverosh at a time, and all you have to do is repeat what you said in July:

‘If somebody was sending rochalachs into my house, where my kinders sleep at night, I’m going to do everything in my power to stop that,” you must say. “And I would expect the Israelis to do the same thing.’

“If some wise guy asks you what you would do if somebody was sending mortar kugalach or cluster bombalach into the house where your daughters sleep at night, just give the signal to our men to Taser the provocateur. Same if you’re asked what you would do if you were living under a starvation siege like a shoa muscleman and your kleine meidales were shot in their classrooms.

“Obambi’le, take it from Rahm, just keep your mouth shut and enjoy the surf.”

United against the rokalach!

Achasverosh – POTUS
Alta kocker – literally, an old shit; an old operator
Golem – an artificial creature created from mud by a rabbi using magic, endowed with supernatural strength and used to further the goals of its creator. The most famous was made by Rabbi Loew in the 16th century to defend the Jews of Prague from a pogrom.
Kinders – children
Meidales – little sweeties
Goy – a gentile, someone not Chosen
Rokalach – rockets
Sayan – our diaspora operatives who work with the Mossad
Shiksa — a goy woman, not one of the Chosen
Shoah muscleman – the name given to skinny survivors in the camps
Shpiel – a story, a sales pitch, a speech. “Don’t give me the whole shpiel. Just tell me how much this is going to cost me.”
Tsuris — Troubles, but not just any old troubles. BIG troubles, like those of Bernie’le Madoff.

Brave IDF Soldaten Destroy UN-run Schools Sheltering Refugees

Click on image to enlarge

Oy, these Palestinian people are so naive, I just have to shake my head.

Did the arabs really think that they could escape our tanks and bombers after their homes were destroyed, and run to find shelter in the UN-run schools?

Nu shoin, the farcockteh hamasniks are finally finding out that there is nowhere to hide.

They seem to have forgotten that the Jewnited Nations has always worked for us. Don’t they remember 1947, when the UN gave us their country, their land and their houses?

The arabs cannot even get a ceasefire resolution passed at the UN! And after sixty years of ethnic cleansing, they still don’t get it that no rules apply during war.

If you don’t believe me, ask Americe.

United Against terrorism!

Americe – the USA, where else?
Farcockteh – all fucked up. “It used to be a nice neighborhood, but now it’s all farcockt.” As an adjective, it’s “farcockteh.” “This is a farcockteh neighborhood.”
Goyisher kop – a gentile head. Said about people who don’t think like Jews. Jews think ahead, analyzing each situation, postulating contingency plans for every possible tragic outcome.

Like Lambs to the Slaughter!

Oy oy oy, my heart is breaking for our kinderlekh lambs, sent into that islamofascist zoo where they have been promised a “black fate” by the hamasniks.

I could just feel it in my kishkas that something terrible was going to happen when the tanks started rolling into Goyza with our jungen inside, and today I learned that already many of our yiddishe soldaten have been killed and at least two of our finest have been captured in the most brutal fashion, to await their fates as kidnapniks.

Nu shoin, at least our Gilad’le Shalit won’t be alone any more. But despite our ground invasion, the islamofascists continue to fire their rockets into the heart of our people!

Oy gevalt, I really want to ask Ehud’le and Tzipi’le, why do we have to send the cream of our soldaten into that seething pit of terrorists? Can’t we just nuke them quietly or fry those Palestinians from afar, like our American brethren did with the Fallujans?

Surely our supplies of cluster bombs, white phosphorous and depleted uranium will do the trick.

Just this one time, was it really necessary for our kinderlekh lambs to be sent to plant landmines throughout Goyza? We don’t have to prove that we are brave, because the goyim don’t believe it anyway.

Auntie is not stupid. A few days ago when I realised that the battle against the mishuggah hamasniks was immanent, I asked my two Israeli nephews in the IDF to report from the front lines. I know that Rahm’le Maccoby and and Shimshon Greenstein keep their cell phones next to their grenades at all times.

Both Rahm’le, who is a tank commander, and Shimshon’le, who is a rabbinical officer and front-line kosher superviser, called me back in tears. Rahm’le was tearing his clothes and weeping that he could not take the battle any more, after watching an Apache being blown to bits. Shimshon’le managed to get out the news that he’d seen his friends being roasted alive in their tanks.Now both of my poor kleine nephews find themselves trapped behind eight-meter high walls inside Goyza, in a booby-trapped war zone.

Oy gevalt, I have no other option but to beg for Barak’s mercy. If you do not want to stop the killing, shoin. But first just let my Maccoby and Greenstein go home.

I want the whole family to be together at kleine Ariel’s Bar Mitzvah next week.

United against the slaughter!

Kinderlekh – darling children
Kishka – guts, as in “Some secret agent! After 10 minutes of questioning, he spilled his kishkas!”
Jungen – young
Mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts

Will Shalit become the Ridley of Goyza?

Nu, I had such a terrible nightmare last night that it was a real bracha to wake up this morning.

In my dream, I was baking challah in my kitchen and I switched on the telly to watch the BBC news.

The footage showed protesting crowds in Goyza, and there in the middle of the hamasniks was our own Gilad’le Shalit, with his fist in the air and marching with some young shiksas under one of those green terrorist flags! What a kappora!

Then the camera zoomed in for an interview with him, and it became clear that those mishuggah islamofascists had kidnapped the soul of our hamisch boychick and transformed him into a grubber jung hamasnik, even more radical than Gilad’le Azmoned, who at least only hates himself.

In the dream he stated that he had decided to join them “after living among these people for more than three years, going hungry and thirsty with them, and having Gazan doctors operate on my wounds by the light of their cell phones“.

A klog is mir, I thought I would plotz! Our Gilad’le was calling for a Palestinian state with majority rule and the right of return for all the refugees, and even worse, was threatening to have his “bris reversed at the first opportunity, inshallah!”

He was not just a refusenik, but also a no-goodnik and a Hebrew-speaking hamasnik!

Then I woke up in a cold sweat with my kishkas in a knot.

Thank g_d it was only a dream, but I think we had better hurry and rescue Shalit, before he becomes the Yvonne Ridley of Goyza.

United against the hamasniks

A klog is mir — Woe is me.
Bracha — A blessing.
Bris – the circumcision by the rabbi of male babies eight days after birth.
Challah (khal-lah) – a delicious bread made with lots of eggs, usually braided, and served at Sabbath dinner or other holiday meals.
Grubber jung (grub-beh yoong) – a coarse, crude, gross, profane young man.
Hamisch — Down to earth. A real person.
Inshallah – (Arabic) – “If Allah wills”.
Kappora — Catastrophe.
Kishka – guts, intestines, literally and figuratively. “I was so upset, I was eating my kishkas out!”
Mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts, loony-tunes. “She thinks she’s going to be a fashion model? Boy, she is really mishuggah!”
No-goodnik – someone who’s on the wrong side of the law; somebody with low morals; a trouble-maker.
Plotz – literally to explode, to burst, i.e. from overeating, from excitement, from anticipation. “If I eat one more piece of cheesecake, I’m going to plotz!” “You got us tickets for Barbra’s come-back concert!? I’m plotzing!”
Refusenik – a jung who refuses to do his duty for the IDF
Shiksa – a goy woman

Hold Your Fire, What About Shalit?

Oy, I’m so unhappy with this Israeli operation in Gaza.

You want to kill arabs, shoin, you want to smite their kids and elders, shoin. But what about our innocent Jewish soldat, Gilad’le Shalit? He is as pure as driven snow.

Don’t they remember in the IDF that one angelic Jewish soul is worth thousands of islamofacist meshugenehs?

Auntie Ziona calls on the IDF to stop the blitzkrieg immediately. First we have to rescue Shalit, who is reported to be wounded. Then you have the green light from me to flatten all these arabish Hamasniks in their beds.

United against the terrorists

Meshugeneh — a crazy person