Kosher Mass Murderers

Oi my Got, our Foix news has been saying that “A 3-year-old boy named Adolf Hitler and his two Nazi-named younger sisters were removed from their New Jersey home last week and placed in state custody, police said.”

But now I read on JC that Papa’le and Mama’le Campbell have come up with a new plan to bring children into the world, thanks Got. They learned their lesson, so they say.

From now on they will call their kids after kosher mass murderers.

United against the Nazis

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Will Barak Follow in Eichmann’s Footsteps?

Oy, so many wild dreams I’ve been having these days, probably because of this war against the mishuggah hamasniks.Last night, my dream was set in the future, which is very strange because we, the Jewish people, usually fantasize solely about the past.

Oi ever, this dream was set in something like 2020. Ehud’le Barak, Tzipi’le Livni, Shimon’le Peres and Ehud’le Olmert were seeking shelter overseas because of the War Crimes Tribunal. The mishuggenahs in the Hague were blaming them for crimes against humanity, can you believe this narishkeit? When all they did was to kill some arabs.

In my dream, Barak was captured in NYC, schlepping refrigerators and sofas for an Israeli moving company. This is what many Israelis do in Americe once they finish their military service.

Tzipi’le was arrested in Buenos Aires, posing as an art student and running an S & M brothel on the side, Olmert’le was discovered managing a kosher abattoir in Brooklyn, and Peres was found running a euthanasia center in the dungeons of Windsor Castle.

These hamasnik agents captured them all. In my dream, Ehud’le was put in a hand’le suitcase because he is very, very small like Napoleon, and brought back to Goyza to face justice. Barak said in his defence that he was just “following orders” just like this farshluggineh, Adolf Eichmann.

Oi, i was so worried for Ehud’le. I tossed and I turned in my bed. Nu shoin, they were about to execute him and burn him like Eichmann! I knew that for Eichmann we had built a special big oven, but for Ehud’le all they would need is a medium sized microwave, which they would be able to reuse afterwards.

At 6 am, I woke up sweating and read on Ynet that Israel is still alive and is even still killing its neighbours, so I relaxed and made myself a kleine coffee, which I had with a nice apfel shtrudel.

United against the goyim

Mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts

Narishkeit (nar-ish-kite) – foolishness (a nar is a fool) “An artist, you want to be? Never mind this narishkeit! Better you should go to college and get a real job!”
Farshluggineh (far-shlug-in-ah) – crazy mixed up, wacky and worthless.
Shlep – haul, carry, drag, either something or oneself. “I feel naked if I’m not shlepping at least 15 bags.”

An Israeli Joke Overheard in Blooms…

Oy, yesterday in Blooms I heard a horrible Israeli joke:

The Israeli optimists learn Arabic….

The Israeli pessimists study English…..

And the Israeli realists practice swimming.

United against the goyim!

Obama’s Message to Goyza

Nu shoin, we are so pleased with the way our Obambi is maintaining his silence on the subject of Goyza, and cooperating with his handler in the Blue and White House, our Rahm’le Emanuel.

He doesn’t give us any tsuris and is really turning out to be the perfect goy golem. He knows it’s in his interests to start off with a clean slate, and just let the outgoing alta kocker handle any fallout from the Goyza operation as his last favour to Israel, if he can stay sober long enough to do so.

Rahm’le told our Obambi’le not to worry about UN interference in the operation, and to just focus on his golf handicap during his holiday. “Nu, this is what we need you to do, Obambi. Take a long break in the Pacific with your shikze and two lovely little kinderlach over the festive season.

“Whatever happens with Yisrael, just keep looking the other way. Your spiel will be that there can only be one Achasverosh at a time, and all you have to do is repeat what you said in July:

‘If somebody was sending rochalachs into my house, where my kinders sleep at night, I’m going to do everything in my power to stop that,” you must say. “And I would expect the Israelis to do the same thing.’

“If some wise guy asks you what you would do if somebody was sending mortar kugalach or cluster bombalach into the house where your daughters sleep at night, just give the signal to our men to Taser the provocateur. Same if you’re asked what you would do if you were living under a starvation siege like a shoa muscleman and your kleine meidales were shot in their classrooms.

“Obambi’le, take it from Rahm, just keep your mouth shut and enjoy the surf.”

United against the rokalach!

Achasverosh – POTUS
Alta kocker – literally, an old shit; an old operator
Golem – an artificial creature created from mud by a rabbi using magic, endowed with supernatural strength and used to further the goals of its creator. The most famous was made by Rabbi Loew in the 16th century to defend the Jews of Prague from a pogrom.
Kinders – children
Meidales – little sweeties
Goy – a gentile, someone not Chosen
Rokalach – rockets
Sayan – our diaspora operatives who work with the Mossad
Shiksa — a goy woman, not one of the Chosen
Shoah muscleman – the name given to skinny survivors in the camps
Shpiel – a story, a sales pitch, a speech. “Don’t give me the whole shpiel. Just tell me how much this is going to cost me.”
Tsuris — Troubles, but not just any old troubles. BIG troubles, like those of Bernie’le Madoff.

Like Lambs to the Slaughter!

Oy oy oy, my heart is breaking for our kinderlekh lambs, sent into that islamofascist zoo where they have been promised a “black fate” by the hamasniks.

I could just feel it in my kishkas that something terrible was going to happen when the tanks started rolling into Goyza with our jungen inside, and today I learned that already many of our yiddishe soldaten have been killed and at least two of our finest have been captured in the most brutal fashion, to await their fates as kidnapniks.

Nu shoin, at least our Gilad’le Shalit won’t be alone any more. But despite our ground invasion, the islamofascists continue to fire their rockets into the heart of our people!

Oy gevalt, I really want to ask Ehud’le and Tzipi’le, why do we have to send the cream of our soldaten into that seething pit of terrorists? Can’t we just nuke them quietly or fry those Palestinians from afar, like our American brethren did with the Fallujans?

Surely our supplies of cluster bombs, white phosphorous and depleted uranium will do the trick.

Just this one time, was it really necessary for our kinderlekh lambs to be sent to plant landmines throughout Goyza? We don’t have to prove that we are brave, because the goyim don’t believe it anyway.

Auntie is not stupid. A few days ago when I realised that the battle against the mishuggah hamasniks was immanent, I asked my two Israeli nephews in the IDF to report from the front lines. I know that Rahm’le Maccoby and and Shimshon Greenstein keep their cell phones next to their grenades at all times.

Both Rahm’le, who is a tank commander, and Shimshon’le, who is a rabbinical officer and front-line kosher superviser, called me back in tears. Rahm’le was tearing his clothes and weeping that he could not take the battle any more, after watching an Apache being blown to bits. Shimshon’le managed to get out the news that he’d seen his friends being roasted alive in their tanks.Now both of my poor kleine nephews find themselves trapped behind eight-meter high walls inside Goyza, in a booby-trapped war zone.

Oy gevalt, I have no other option but to beg for Barak’s mercy. If you do not want to stop the killing, shoin. But first just let my Maccoby and Greenstein go home.

I want the whole family to be together at kleine Ariel’s Bar Mitzvah next week.

United against the slaughter!

Kinderlekh – darling children
Kishka – guts, as in “Some secret agent! After 10 minutes of questioning, he spilled his kishkas!”
Jungen – young
Mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts