Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

January 5, 2009

Like Lambs to the Slaughter!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , — auntieziona @ 8:22 am

Oy oy oy, my heart is breaking for our kinderlekh lambs, sent into that islamofascist zoo where they have been promised a “black fate” by the hamasniks.

I could just feel it in my kishkas that something terrible was going to happen when the tanks started rolling into Goyza with our jungen inside, and today I learned that already many of our yiddishe soldaten have been killed and at least two of our finest have been captured in the most brutal fashion, to await their fates as kidnapniks.

Nu shoin, at least our Gilad’le Shalit won’t be alone any more. But despite our ground invasion, the islamofascists continue to fire their rockets into the heart of our people!

Oy gevalt, I really want to ask Ehud’le and Tzipi’le, why do we have to send the cream of our soldaten into that seething pit of terrorists? Can’t we just nuke them quietly or fry those Palestinians from afar, like our American brethren did with the Fallujans?

Surely our supplies of cluster bombs, white phosphorous and depleted uranium will do the trick.

Just this one time, was it really necessary for our kinderlekh lambs to be sent to plant landmines throughout Goyza? We don’t have to prove that we are brave, because the goyim don’t believe it anyway.

Auntie is not stupid. A few days ago when I realised that the battle against the mishuggah hamasniks was immanent, I asked my two Israeli nephews in the IDF to report from the front lines. I know that Rahm’le Maccoby and and Shimshon Greenstein keep their cell phones next to their grenades at all times.

Both Rahm’le, who is a tank commander, and Shimshon’le, who is a rabbinical officer and front-line kosher superviser, called me back in tears. Rahm’le was tearing his clothes and weeping that he could not take the battle any more, after watching an Apache being blown to bits. Shimshon’le managed to get out the news that he’d seen his friends being roasted alive in their tanks.Now both of my poor kleine nephews find themselves trapped behind eight-meter high walls inside Goyza, in a booby-trapped war zone.

Oy gevalt, I have no other option but to beg for Barak’s mercy. If you do not want to stop the killing, shoin. But first just let my Maccoby and Greenstein go home.

I want the whole family to be together at kleine Ariel’s Bar Mitzvah next week.

United against the slaughter!

Kinderlekh
– darling children
Kishka – guts, as in “Some secret agent! After 10 minutes of questioning, he spilled his kishkas!”
Jungen – young
Mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts

Advertisements

January 3, 2009

Will Shalit become the Ridley of Goyza?

Nu, I had such a terrible nightmare last night that it was a real bracha to wake up this morning.

In my dream, I was baking challah in my kitchen and I switched on the telly to watch the BBC news.

The footage showed protesting crowds in Goyza, and there in the middle of the hamasniks was our own Gilad’le Shalit, with his fist in the air and marching with some young shiksas under one of those green terrorist flags! What a kappora!

Then the camera zoomed in for an interview with him, and it became clear that those mishuggah islamofascists had kidnapped the soul of our hamisch boychick and transformed him into a grubber jung hamasnik, even more radical than Gilad’le Azmoned, who at least only hates himself.

In the dream he stated that he had decided to join them “after living among these people for more than three years, going hungry and thirsty with them, and having Gazan doctors operate on my wounds by the light of their cell phones“.

A klog is mir, I thought I would plotz! Our Gilad’le was calling for a Palestinian state with majority rule and the right of return for all the refugees, and even worse, was threatening to have his “bris reversed at the first opportunity, inshallah!”

He was not just a refusenik, but also a no-goodnik and a Hebrew-speaking hamasnik!

Then I woke up in a cold sweat with my kishkas in a knot.

Thank g_d it was only a dream, but I think we had better hurry and rescue Shalit, before he becomes the Yvonne Ridley of Goyza.

United against the hamasniks

A klog is mir — Woe is me.
Bracha — A blessing.
Bris – the circumcision
by the rabbi of male babies eight days after birth.
Challah (khal-lah) – a delicious bread made with lots of eggs, usually braided, and served at Sabbath dinner or other holiday meals.
Grubber jung (grub-beh yoong) – a coarse, crude, gross, profane young man.
Hamisch
— Down to earth. A real person.
Inshallah – (Arabic) – “If Allah wills”.
Kappora
— Catastrophe.

Kishka – guts, intestines, literally and figuratively. “I was so upset, I was eating my kishkas out!”
Mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts, loony-tunes. “She thinks she’s going to be a fashion model? Boy, she is really mishuggah!”
No-goodnik – someone who’s on the wrong side of the law; somebody with low morals; a trouble-maker.
Plotz – literally to explode, to burst, i.e. from overeating, from excitement, from anticipation. “If I eat one more piece of cheesecake, I’m going to plotz!” “You got us tickets for Barbra’s come-back concert!? I’m plotzing!”
Refusenik – a jung who refuses to do his duty for the IDF
Shiksa – a goy woman

January 2, 2009

Santa Strikes Back


Oy gevalt, the goyim are now bringing in the Santas against us!

Here we see a Father Christmas slinging stones, amongst the Islamofacist children of Gaza. Nu shoin, when I look at these meshiggenahs, I just have to shake my head. Have they really no fear?

Our Barak’le, who’s been waiting for the hamasniks to come out with a white flag, is becoming a little anxious about the way things are going in Goyza.

But with his small stones, this kleyne Dovid may be able to scratch a tank, though he can never topple our mighty Goliath or shoot down our American planes.

Even Santa can’t stop our holy celebration of extermination.

United Against Saint Hamas-Nic

meshuggenah – crazy, someone who is nuts
kleyn – small

January 1, 2009

Achtung, Goyza!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , — auntieziona @ 11:41 am
Click on image to enlarge

Oy gevalt, it didn’t take long for these fahklumpte goyim to start comparing our airforce’s bombing of Goyza to the blitzkrieg of the Nazis.

Feh, these meshuggenah anti-Semites just don’t know what they’re talking about. Did they expect Israel to turn the other cheek forever? What are we, chopped liver?

The Nazi blitzkrieg was there to achieve a military target, first they devastated and then they conquered. But the Jewish people just want peace and security, and it is the hamasniks who force us to kill and kill until we find a partner to make shalom with.

Click on image to enlarge

Unlike the fercockte Nazis who sent their young boys to die, we take care of our boychick soldaten. Instead of putting their lives at risk and taking the chance of making more Gilad’le Shalits, we just drop bombs on the enemy from 10 000 feet.

These islamofascist goyim are creating a tzimmis for nothing by comparing our tactics to those of the Nazis! What a silly observation, when all we are doing is an ordinary extermination.

Click on image to enlarge

First we ethically cleansed them and they refused to die, then we locked them in camps and they still refused to die, then we erected barbed wire and 8-metre high concrete walls around them, yet they continued to somehow cling to life. So we stopped the food and the medical aid, but ver is mir, the meshuggenah hamasniks remained obstinate, leaving us with only two remaining options: the gaza chamber or exterminating them from the air.

Oi ever, unlike the Nazis and British Gas, we always call first before we pull the plug.

United against Goyza!

fahklumpt — mixed up, confused
feh – the shortest, most efficient way to say that something smells
fercockt – all fucked up
meshuggenah – crazy, someone who is nuts
tzimmis – to make a tzimmis is to make a fuss
veh is mir – “I am pain itself!” An expression of suffering, used to describe everyday miseries such as shaving nicks, sinus headaches or acid indigestion.

December 30, 2008

Scoop! Stop the Press! This is How We’re Jewish – The Real Version

A genuine copy before being censored by the ADL Public Affairs Committee.

We are the Jewish people. We are the salt of the earth and the pepper on the pizza.

In spite of Gaza, and in spite of the fact that we are seen as Nazis and child murderers, we love to be Jewish. We are proud to be Jewish.

This is how we’re Jewish. And the rest of you are pooish.

Watch on Blip.tv
Watch on YouTube

United against the goyim!

December 29, 2008

Hold Your Fire, What About Shalit?

Oy, I’m so unhappy with this Israeli operation in Gaza.

You want to kill arabs, shoin, you want to smite their kids and elders, shoin. But what about our innocent Jewish soldat, Gilad’le Shalit? He is as pure as driven snow.

Don’t they remember in the IDF that one angelic Jewish soul is worth thousands of islamofacist meshugenehs?

Auntie Ziona calls on the IDF to stop the blitzkrieg immediately. First we have to rescue Shalit, who is reported to be wounded. Then you have the green light from me to flatten all these arabish Hamasniks in their beds.

United against the terrorists

Meshugeneh — a crazy person

December 28, 2008

We Give Our Light to Gaza on Hanukkah Shabbat!

Filed under: Uncategorized — auntieziona @ 3:11 pm
Our leaders have delivered the ultimate gift to us on our celebration of light, Hanukkah Shabbat.

Finally the Jewish people have something to cheer for, while we watch the slaughter of the Gaza Hamasniks. And yet, was it really necessary for them to force us to waste their old people, their women, and their children?

It is a tragic comedy. The Hamasniks were taken completely by surprise. The last thing they expected was for us to rain death down upon them on our holiest of days.

Oy, but we must remember that Barak and Livni they are not real killers, unlike the arab terrorists. But because of the coming election, if they want to beat Bibi, they had no option but to prove to the people of Israel that they can kill arabs effectively. Nu shoin, politics is a lethal game.

With our American F-16 jets and Apache helicopters, we are destroying their police forces, their schools, their playgrounds, their mosques and their hospitals. And why do we do it? Not because we like it. It hurts us more than it hurts them. But they are forcing us to teach them a lesson.

And the whole world is standing by watching and keeping silent as the blood flows down the streets of Gaza, just as they did when we kicked them all out of Palestine in 1948.

We can do exactly what we like, including violating Lebanese luft space and setting off sonic booms over Lebanon en route to Gaza!

And once again our American brothers in Washington used their veto powers on Sunday to block a resolution calling for the end of the slaughter, and our Obambi’le, who is enjoying the surf in Hawaii with his family, had absolutely “no comment” to make!

Oy oy oy, and our Entebe hero, Ehud Barak, has promised that this is only the beginning of our Holy War, with thousands of troops preparing for the ground invasion to follow.

The stupid goyim really believe that Hitler was the ultimate monster, but thanks be to G_d, they fail to see that not even the Nazi yimachshmoinils went so far as to bomb the people trapped in their concentration camps!

United against the goyim

December 26, 2008

Shylock in Yiddish

shylockIn memory of our ancestor in Venice who demanded a pound of goyim flesh to cover outstanding interest payments.

Shakespeare came up with Shylock without knowing Madoff, the Lehman brothers or Lord Levy. You know why? Because Shakespeare was writing about himself. He was one of us! And it sounds far better in Yiddish.

United against the goyim

December 25, 2008

A Kosher Sutra Xmas with my Potty’le

Filed under: Uncategorized — auntieziona @ 1:13 pm


Nu shoin, this year I decided to take Dr. Closetstein’s advice, and get my nephews Xmas pressies which will help them work through their latent issues. Uch, what is it about Jewish men that they must have so many unresolved conflicts?

For my dearest Mony’le, a huge sack of Hanukkah chocolate gelt to fill up his little pirate treasure chest, and a signed copy of Bernie Madoff’s Guide to Setting up a Neighbourhood Ponzi Scheme.

For Mikey’le, shin pads and an authentic second-hand Barbra Streisand ball gown from Kosher-Ballgowns-R-Us.

For Dovid’le, a plastic blow-up swimming pool and a copy of the Koran translated into Yiddish.

For that mishuggah self-hating jazz man, Azmoned, the black sheep of the family, a recording contract in Eckveldt.

And last but not least, for the man in my life Charlie’le, to whom my tuches belongs, a copy of Shmuley Boteach’s The Kosher Sutra and something I have bought for myself which will make Potty very happy – edible blue and white kosher underwear, size 48.

United Against Christmas

Eckveldt – literally, the end of the earth. The last town, before you fall off the edge of the planet. Nowheresville. “They bought a house in the country. Not even the Catskills! Seven hours we drove! I’m tell you, it’s in Eckveldt!”
Hanukkah gelt (money) is often distributed to children to enhance their enjoyment of the holiday.
mishuggah (mish-shu-guh) – crazy, nuts, loony-tunes.
nu shoin – and so…

Christmas in Golders Green

Filed under: Uncategorized — auntieziona @ 1:11 pm
« Newer PostsOlder Posts »

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.