Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

January 3, 2009

Will Shalit become the Ridley of Goyza?

Nu, I had such a terrible nightmare last night that it was a real bracha to wake up this morning.

In my dream, I was baking challah in my kitchen and I switched on the telly to watch the BBC news.

The footage showed protesting crowds in Goyza, and there in the middle of the hamasniks was our own Gilad’le Shalit, with his fist in the air and marching with some young shiksas under one of those green terrorist flags! What a kappora!

Then the camera zoomed in for an interview with him, and it became clear that those mishuggah islamofascists had kidnapped the soul of our hamisch boychick and transformed him into a grubber jung hamasnik, even more radical than Gilad’le Azmoned, who at least only hates himself.

In the dream he stated that he had decided to join them “after living among these people for more than three years, going hungry and thirsty with them, and having Gazan doctors operate on my wounds by the light of their cell phones“.

A klog is mir, I thought I would plotz! Our Gilad’le was calling for a Palestinian state with majority rule and the right of return for all the refugees, and even worse, was threatening to have his “bris reversed at the first opportunity, inshallah!”

He was not just a refusenik, but also a no-goodnik and a Hebrew-speaking hamasnik!

Then I woke up in a cold sweat with my kishkas in a knot.

Thank g_d it was only a dream, but I think we had better hurry and rescue Shalit, before he becomes the Yvonne Ridley of Goyza.

United against the hamasniks

A klog is mir — Woe is me.
Bracha — A blessing.
Bris – the circumcision
by the rabbi of male babies eight days after birth.
Challah (khal-lah) – a delicious bread made with lots of eggs, usually braided, and served at Sabbath dinner or other holiday meals.
Grubber jung (grub-beh yoong) – a coarse, crude, gross, profane young man.
Hamisch
— Down to earth. A real person.
Inshallah – (Arabic) – “If Allah wills”.
Kappora
— Catastrophe.

Kishka – guts, intestines, literally and figuratively. “I was so upset, I was eating my kishkas out!”
Mishuggah (mish-shug-uh) – crazy, nuts, loony-tunes. “She thinks she’s going to be a fashion model? Boy, she is really mishuggah!”
No-goodnik – someone who’s on the wrong side of the law; somebody with low morals; a trouble-maker.
Plotz – literally to explode, to burst, i.e. from overeating, from excitement, from anticipation. “If I eat one more piece of cheesecake, I’m going to plotz!” “You got us tickets for Barbra’s come-back concert!? I’m plotzing!”
Refusenik – a jung who refuses to do his duty for the IDF
Shiksa – a goy woman

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