Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

December 25, 2008

A Kosher Sutra Xmas with my Potty’le

Filed under: Uncategorized — auntieziona @ 1:13 pm

Nu shoin, this year I decided to take Dr. Closetstein’s advice, and get my nephews Xmas pressies which will help them work through their latent issues. Uch, what is it about Jewish men that they must have so many unresolved conflicts?

For my dearest Mony’le, a huge sack of Hanukkah chocolate gelt to fill up his little pirate treasure chest, and a signed copy of Bernie Madoff’s Guide to Setting up a Neighbourhood Ponzi Scheme.

For Mikey’le, shin pads and an authentic second-hand Barbra Streisand ball gown from Kosher-Ballgowns-R-Us.

For Dovid’le, a plastic blow-up swimming pool and a copy of the Koran translated into Yiddish.

For that mishuggah self-hating jazz man, Azmoned, the black sheep of the family, a recording contract in Eckveldt.

And last but not least, for the man in my life Charlie’le, to whom my tuches belongs, a copy of Shmuley Boteach’s The Kosher Sutra and something I have bought for myself which will make Potty very happy – edible blue and white kosher underwear, size 48.

United Against Christmas

Eckveldt – literally, the end of the earth. The last town, before you fall off the edge of the planet. Nowheresville. “They bought a house in the country. Not even the Catskills! Seven hours we drove! I’m tell you, it’s in Eckveldt!”
Hanukkah gelt (money) is often distributed to children to enhance their enjoyment of the holiday.
mishuggah (mish-shu-guh) – crazy, nuts, loony-tunes.
nu shoin – and so…


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