Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

November 10, 2008

Blue and White House

Filed under: Barak Obama, Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, Mossad, Rahm Emanuel — auntieziona @ 2:02 am

In case you didn’t know, the motto of Mossad is the biblical “By Way of Deception, Thou Shalt do War”.

Nu shoin, we are are such a little nation amongst the nations, so we have to trick everybody if we really want to win.

Luckily enough the Goyim are naive, and G_d forbid they ever find out how clever we really are.

Did they actually think that we would fund a president for bupkes, for nothing, in spite of him being black? For those who do not know, Obambi’s campaign broke all fund raising records in the history of America. And it is our money.

In practice he was not really elected. It took a mountain of shekels to buy the presidency as well as the Blue and White House, and the mensch who brokered the deal is our Chicago Mossad operative, Rahm Emanuel, an ex-IDF soldier far to the right of President Bush when it comes to supporting Israel.

Oy vey, our Rahm’le learned his tactics at the knee of his Irgun papale, and he’s so ferocious a Zionist that even his own mamele calls him Rahmbo.

In case you didn’t know, it was Emanuel who had this anti-semite Clinton on a short leash, using our slut, Monica Lewinsky, to bring an end to Clinton’s reign in the Oival Office by getting her to talk about Bill’s spritzen on her skirt.

Because our Rahm’le is so clever, as well as short, he is very good at dealing with things below the belt.

United Against the Americans!

November 8, 2008

IDF in the White House!

Silly American shelmazels, they really thought that they could liberate themselves and get us out of their lives.

They thought that they could punish the Republicans for the Wolfowitzes and the Perles and the Adelmans and the Libbys.

They didn’t realise that within 24 hours with Obambi, they would have an IDF soldier running the White House.

This is so funny! Because of the political correctness, people are so afraid to confront our ultimate power. Consequently, we are having a non-stop party at the expense of humanity.

Obambi’s newly-appointed Moishe Gross, Rahn’le Emanual, is no doubt the real thing. He may even be the Messiah, yet I would expect him to ride a white donkey rather than a black president.

In an interview with Ma’ariv, his papa’le, Dr. Benjamin Emanuel, said he was convinced that his son’s appointment would be good for Israel. “Obviously he will influence the president to be pro-Israel… Why wouldn’t he be? What is he, an Arab? He’s not going to clean the floors of the White House.”

Nu Shoin, what you would expect of a proud father?

The American shelmazels do not understand that we are their terminal disease. They remove us from the spine, within twenty four hours they find us in the kidneys. Once they try to treat the kidneys, we settle in the brain, what they call the White House.

Oy oy oy, just one of the beautiful Israeli things our Rahm’le mentions in The Plan: Big Ideas for America, is the coming introduction of something very much like our own glorious IDF for all Americans from age 18 – 25, not only for the bagels, but also for all the kugels.

I tell you the truth, very soon the American people are going to miss Wolfowitz and Libby, because with our Emanuel in office, it is just a question of time before American war planes carry Star of David symbols.

And take it from Auntie Ziona, nothing is wrong with that! If you fight the Israeli war, why not use some Jewish symbols for decoration?

United Against The Americans!

November 7, 2008

Zeligs for Peace

Last night I had a socio-political, erotic, cosmopolitan dream. In my dream I had a kleine beard. I think that I was Lenin. I was on my knees with my tuches in the air, on the table at the Kremlin. As it happened, the delegates of the international Jews against Zionism, Tony Greenstein, Roland Rance, Abraham Weizfeld and Moshe Machover, came to kiss my arse.

I was just about to give in to the ultimate pleasure when I saw Mikey Ezra at the back of the room, wearing shin pads. He held a bourgeoisie blackberry in his hand, and was looking at me with contempt.

Oi vey, I shouted in my dream!

I froze! I woke up sweating. I realized it all…

You are all Zelig chameleons! If the Bund is right and you are indeed a Jewish nation,what we call the yiddishe volk, you cannot also be international.
You are either national or international. Unless you want to be just Zeligs for Peace (ZFP).

I then fell asleep again. In my dream, I was swimming in chicken soup with Auntie Shelomi, and we were splashing each other and eating the knudels as they drifted past.

United Against the Goyim!

November 6, 2008

Jews Against Prostate Cancer!

Filed under: Iran — auntieziona @ 2:48 am

Oi, I saw this petitzale below, with all the concerns of the Jews in Canada, even Avraima’le Spritzenbundfeld from the Jewish Prostate and Lungs Oispital (Jewish PLO) at the Spritz and Gefarten Clinic in Montreal, as well as Noamchik and my Mony’le… and I thought that it was pretty clever.

Whatever happens in Iran, Jews declare their innocence in advance, even if it is just 200 out of 20 million.

It always seems to work with the Goyim, but somehow G_d doesn’t buy this trick. He allowed our enemies to smite us in the Holocaust, in spite of the fact that at least 200 Jews took him very seriously. Nu shoin, as we all know, Judaism is not exactly a belief system. It is more like a profession.

But then I thought that we the Jews should extend this petitzky and stand collectively, Jewishly, synagogically and gefilthefishly, against many other things!!!

For instance, what about Jews Against Prostate Cancer?

I am sure that Noamchik Chopsky, Debbi’le Pink, Roland Schwants, Toni Grimpiss, Moishale Mushiover, Hypochondriac Jews of Canada, and even Doivid Tube would immediately approve.

Mony will be able to bring in Charli Pishthin and Socialist Urineity.

And you know what, I bet we can get the Palestinian solidarity into it. If these people are in solidarity with all those Arabs, I am pretty sure they will open their hearts and wallets to tzeliger men with severe schwantzle problems.

I tell you, my friends, if people start to blame Jews for prostate cancer, we are in a real trouble. We’d better move fast.

International Jewish Statement Against an Attack on Iran

Signed by over 150 Jews internationally. Please add your Jewish name to our statement.

(Only significantly Jewish names need apply, and in case your name fails to be Jewish enough, you can either change it for the occasion or add your Jewish entitlement e.g. “Jews Against Cancer”, “Jews for Piss”, “Don’t Piss in Our Name”, “Jews for Just Piss, No Poo Whatsoever”, “Jews for the Unemployed Who’ve Also Spent Their Conviction”, “Piss Now”, etc.)

United Against the Goyim!

November 5, 2008

Masel tov, Obambi, Goy of the Year!

Filed under: Barak Obama, election, Kenya, Obambi, USA — auntieziona @ 11:16 am

Congratulations… or should I say “Ponguezi”?

Today we are all Swahili!

Oi oi oi, my Obambi’le, you had all the WIZO ladies in tears last night.

We know you are good for the Jews. Let’s not forget how hard our Sarah Silverman worked to recruit some elders from Miami for you. And even our prominant zionist, Alan Darshowitz, stopped being a neocon and became your fan when he realised that you were going to win.

We always know on which side our bread is shmaltzed, and you are our man. Why should it matter if you were born in Kenya or Zululand or Congo or Hong Congo? For us, you are a mensch as long as you provide the cash and fight our wars.

Masel tov, my Obambi’le. I am spending the morning in my kitchen with Auntie Shelomi, and later we will be sending some kugel to the White House, for a nice change you can believe in!

United Against Racism!

November 3, 2008

The Mony Magical Trip

Filed under: Ian Saville, magicians, Marc Maron, Mony Gripstein, Toys-R-Us, Tziga'le — auntieziona @ 5:42 pm

My Mony isn’t doing well at all, and I’ve been worried about him. He sits alone in his room all day, spending hours playing with the dreidel Uncle Shlommi gave him when he turned three, even though it’s not yet Chanuka.

I made him some kreplach with chopped meat, onions and a bissell shmaltz served in chicken soup to cheer him up, but nothing seems to work.

Oy oy oy, thank goodness Tziga’le, my neighbor and a real mentsh, is back from Israel where he took part in a wonderful contest to commemorate Sir Paul’s visit… more about that later this week.

Tziga’le is always ready with ideas to cheer up Mony, and when he saw the state my poor nephew was in, he whipped out his collection of Jewish Magician Shows, and let Mony choose two to keep himself entertained till bedtime.

Mrs Mendelsohn and her daughter Rachel have promised to take him on an outing to Toys-R-Us tomorrow, so at least that should take care of activities for the morning. It’s nice to see him a little bit excited again, and he’s already chosen his outfit for tomorrow, including a bright red jersey to contrast nicely with the blue and white of the ribbon he got from the Israeli Embassy and T’Ranci’le.

If you and your little ones want to watch the magician shows in solidarity with Mony’le this evening, here they are:

Ian Saville, Socialist Magician

Marc Maron hails the great Jewish magicians of all time

United Against the Goyim, especially Auntie Simone!

November 2, 2008

An S.O.S. after Shabbat

Filed under: children, magicians, Miki'le, Mony Gripstein, Roland Rance, Shabbat, Tony Greenstein, toys, tRance — auntieziona @ 12:14 pm

Oy gevalt, after reading some of the comments made in this post about his preferred methods for disciplining the young, it was not easy for my Mony’le to sit and eat gefilthe at the same table with his brethren on Shabbat.

With tears in his eyes, Mony’le showed us this blue and white ribbon given to him by the Israeli Embassy and Chief Wikipedia Rabbi, Comrade Roland Rance, to commemorate his ceaseless caring for the Jewish youngsters of the working class. Mony assured us that he loves all the little people, and as you know, he himself has never fully grown up.

The incident in which “The Great Velcro” slapped a little boy with a broken arm through the face really happened, yes, and afterwards, my Mony said some things about the “reasonable chastisement” of the young which he has come to regret. Nu Shoin, what can we do, he always says things and then happens to regret them. That is life, or shall I say, that is Mony’s life. Oi ever, Mony’le and the magician both discovered that Velcro sticks worse than sheise.

Mony’le now wants to make it clear that he loves everybody, except Eisen, Azmond, Mearsheiner & Walt, and the Hamas. He loves the elders, the youngsters, the working class, the unemployed, the magicians, Toys-R-Us, and he even loves himself!

Pinning his blue and white ribbon proudly on his chest, he proclaimed loudly that this ribbon is there to show his REAL feelings about the little people who are put on this Earth for us to protect.

As annoyed as I was with Mony for kicking Miki’le in the shins, I am here to affirm that Mony’le adores the young, and his fondest wish is to raise them to be proud, unemployed Jewish revolutionary socialists just like himself.

United Against the Adult!

November 1, 2008

John Zorn, My Jewish Radical Hero

Filed under: Uncategorized — auntieziona @ 11:04 am

Mony’le is not doing very well these days. Nu Shoin, I always told him that if he keeps bringing up the shiese the world will turn against him.

Dinner, oi ever, was so nice, everybody came, even Wikiman Roland Trance and Mary’le from Italy

They were all mesubin around my table except this melodic Klezmer Meshige Azmond

Never mind, I dont need him, I recently found this free jazz ‘Jewish Radical’ music star. His name is John Zorn and he won a big award.

United Against the Melody

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