Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

November 7, 2008

Zeligs for Peace

Last night I had a socio-political, erotic, cosmopolitan dream. In my dream I had a kleine beard. I think that I was Lenin. I was on my knees with my tuches in the air, on the table at the Kremlin. As it happened, the delegates of the international Jews against Zionism, Tony Greenstein, Roland Rance, Abraham Weizfeld and Moshe Machover, came to kiss my arse.

I was just about to give in to the ultimate pleasure when I saw Mikey Ezra at the back of the room, wearing shin pads. He held a bourgeoisie blackberry in his hand, and was looking at me with contempt.

Oi vey, I shouted in my dream!

I froze! I woke up sweating. I realized it all…

You are all Zelig chameleons! If the Bund is right and you are indeed a Jewish nation,what we call the yiddishe volk, you cannot also be international.
You are either national or international. Unless you want to be just Zeligs for Peace (ZFP).

I then fell asleep again. In my dream, I was swimming in chicken soup with Auntie Shelomi, and we were splashing each other and eating the knudels as they drifted past.

United Against the Goyim!


  1. holly shit… this is wild

    Comment by Anonymous — November 7, 2008 @ 12:47 pm

  2. Auntie I had no idea you were so labidinal. I never looked @ you like that before but I make up now for lost time 🙂

    Comment by Anonymous — November 7, 2008 @ 1:50 pm

  3. Wait till you see me and Auntie Shelomi i action in Steven’le Shpielberg’s new block-buster, “Bearded Ladies I have known”.

    Comment by Auntie Ziona — November 7, 2008 @ 2:28 pm

  4. You are so hot, Auntie Ziona. I myself have a little fetish. Will you allow me to do a Star of David tattoo on your tuches?

    Comment by Charlie Pishkin — November 7, 2008 @ 2:31 pm

  5. Charlie, my heart belongs to the people of Israel but my tuches is all yours

    Comment by Auntie Ziona — November 7, 2008 @ 2:44 pm

  6. Achim and Comradezel, why do you have to go so low..

    Don’t you understand that the Goyim can see it all.

    Please leave the ‘tuches’ and the ‘greptzes’ to Michael Rosen and the Jewish Book Week.

    Zalman Fear

    Comment by Anonymous — November 7, 2008 @ 5:02 pm

  7. Dear Auntie,

    I am a former half Jew with foreskin, who is a proud self-hater. Because of this I have a very special kind of neurosis. I don´t know if it really is possible for me to be a self-hater because I am only a half Jew. And If it is possible, I don´t know if it is possible to be proud because I still have my foreskin. First of all I would like your help to find people with the same problem as I have, so we can organize an urgent and secret mission. Second, what do you think the group should be called?

    Longing for an answere

    Anonymos Wannabee

    Comment by Anonymous — November 7, 2008 @ 6:11 pm

  8. My kliene Wannabeezkle

    First you chop your little willy, then we talk.

    By the way, you better talk to my nephew Mony’le Gripstein, he can arrange it in no time.

    His father was a rabbi, he loves to help people as long as they are unemployed. He as well went on record running away from a corner shop in Brighton with a small piece of meat. He is very violent towards Jews which is really necessary for the mohel job. Though he prefers to kick Jews in the shin, with you being just an half, you may get it in your Schwant’le. Mind you, the shin and the pipi’le are not really miles away (as far as I can remeber)

    Good luck with Mony

    So you may be sorted.

    Comment by Auntie Ziona — November 7, 2008 @ 6:54 pm

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