Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

May 14, 2008

Melanie Philips: Oi There Never was a Palestinian!

It’s true I may be the ultimate auntie of the Jewish people but, you know, when I was a young girl and my gazangas pointed towards the heavens, I had an auntie myself, Auntie Zosha.

Oi, she was so beautiful & always cleaning and scrubbing, but the thing about her was that she always put too much onion in her forshmak and often just a bit too much dried yeast in her balobichkes. We used to say to her ‘auntie, don’t put so much dried yeast in the balobichkes, auntie Zosha please!’ and do you know what she said? Well, I can’t tell you because if I told you then I would be telling you a private thing, and also I can’t remember. But it was so funny!

Two days ago I was cleaning out Mony’le’s old sock draw and guess what I discovered!? Old socks… but also I discovered that little Tony’le had squirrelled away old family photographs with passports, driving licenses, credit cards, everything! He is so sentimental. There I found a picture of Auntie Zosha. I couldn’t believe it. She was so beautiful even though she liked too much dried yeast. And do you know who she looks like!? I said it to Mony. I said ‘Mony, do you know who she looks like?’ I tell you, she looks exactly like my favorite writer, Melanie Philips. Oi, I love Melonie Philips. She is always coming with lovely things that make my loins stir with pride. Recently she made me realize that when those Arabs flee our beautiful Merkoives toinks, it’s not because we are murdering them like chickens in the kosher factory, but because they are evil, so they see the evil in us.

She said ‘Increasingly, Palestinians are packing up and leaving. It is they rather than the Israelis who are in despair. Their sense of national identity — always artificial — now lies finally shattered by the death cult that acts in their name.’

This is so good, because if they are not even Palestinian then I don’t see why I can’t become one! After all we are all the same, kosher, halal, oi one universal people!



  1. Auntie’le for sure you are a Palestinian, we are all Palestinians except the Palestinians who are just ordinary Arabs and should move to live in all the other Arab states.

    I never understood how come all these so called Palestinians insist to live on our Eretz Isroel. This is what i call Arabishe Chuzphe…

    Nu shoin, you cannot expect everyone to be as clever as us or as honest as Mony’le, Wiki tRance and Auntie Philips.

    By the way is Philips a Jewish name? What tribe is it? is it Levy, Cohen or Reuven? Sounds to me more like an hi tech electronic gadget. Nu shoin, it doesn’t really matter. We love her so much.

    Auntie’le keep up with the kosher work

    Avraimel Melumad

    Comment by Anonymous — May 14, 2008 @ 10:42 am

  2. hai tante, long time, no see.

    Well, the Elves and company like to call her “mad Mel”, so they can differentiate themselves from her. But they all have something in common, when she was publicly insulting me on CIF, insinuating that my blog had some horrible shit on it, she used the same thing that Ro-Ro and Tuchke Greenslime and S (I won’t say what it stands for) Blackwell use when they put me down: they write a number before my name “one Mary Rizzo”… Actually, they are wrong, there are others in my family that have this name or variants of it. What is this thing about attaching numbers to people’s names?

    Needless to say, when Mel was challenged by me to come up with the evidence, she suddenly turned very silent.

    I guess she doesn’t have the time to invent things or fiddle around with internet biography entries.

    Comment by peacepalestine — May 14, 2008 @ 10:57 am

  3. Mary’le my darling, you have to understand once and for all, we are one people, the Elves, the Mels, the Hirshes and the Monyle Grippers. You should know about it by now. No reason to be angry, and Mary’le do not ever forget, you are one of us, you just have to admit it to yourself.

    The Zionists say promised land and the Monyles say promised planet.We all believe in one God. For some of us it is Elokim, Monyle calls him Karl Marx.

    We like to keep everything simple because we are so united against racism and the Goyim like simplicity.

    What about this Italian lokshens you promised to send me?

    Comment by Auntie Ziona — May 15, 2008 @ 1:06 am

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