Auntie Ziona Against Auntie Simone

May 3, 2008

A goal for every Jewish Victim

I couldn’t wait for the Sabbath to pass so I can log on and inform you all that we have now managed to bring the Holocaust to the heart of British football
Just hours after leading his Chelsea team to their first Champions League final with a black band strapped to his hand in the memory of the Holocaust, Avram Grant found perspective at Auschwitz, where he said “his pride at Israel’s emergence from the horrors of the Holocaust surpassed any football achievement.”

All I have left to say is Mazal Tov.

Im yirze Hashem, from now on Chelsea will score a goal for every Jewish victim who perished in the Holocaust. And all of London’s football hooligans will come to celebrate Israeli Independence Day with us in Golders Green.

But listen to me achim, and even Jewish Bolshevik comrades. We have to be very careful here. We must make sure that Liverpool is not bought by a Saudi tycoon who may appoint a Palestinian coach, who may even decide to train the Goyim to score goals in the name of every Palestinian refugee…because if the UN is telling the truth, there are 6 million of those around the world.

This is called in Yiddish “Hoy Vey in its making”.


  1. but haven’t british football hooligans been banned in continental europe!? Oythis is auntie semitism!

    Comment by Anonymous — May 4, 2008 @ 9:35 am

  2. Auntie Ziona, you are such an inspiration to all of us. And you are so right about this being a brocheh and a major public relations victory for Israel and for Jews worldwide.

    How Avram Grant managed to get from the football pitch to Auschwitz so fast remains a mystery, but he deserves a medal from the Israeli government for pulling it off!

    My wife and I were blessed by the birth of twins three days ago, a shtik naches, a boy and a girl, who we were planning to name George and Barbara after the Bushes, but we have changed our minds and now they will be Avram and Chelsea!

    Comment by David — May 4, 2008 @ 2:11 pm

  3. Mazal tov Daviv and yisher koyech

    Comment by Auntie Ziona — May 4, 2008 @ 4:37 pm

  4. Wonderful news, David. As you like Bush, you may enjoy playing with him here in between nappy changes:

    It’s especially good for those rare times when he goes soft on the Palestinians.

    Comment by Bushman — May 4, 2008 @ 10:03 pm

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