SuperKosher

There was a clear and confident knock on my back door last night. I knew it was Tziga’le, my neighbour and a comrade, because he sometimes uses Morse Code for “Shalom, Tante Ziona”, just to stay in practice. You never know when you’re going to need Morse Code again.

I opened my door gladly because I have been worried about dear Tzigal’le ever since tRancie put out the word that all those marvellous video clips about tRance’le’s rise to power at Wikipedia were made by that scheigetz Atzmond, rather than Tziga’le himself. This was almost too much for our Tziga’le to bear.

But when he strode in through the back door last night with his Menorah in one hand and a victorious expression on his face, I knew Tziga’le had turned the corner.

“Come with me, Auntie Ziona,” he announced, leading the way to the little back room where he keeps his Macintoyesh across from a small shrine of holy objects dedicated to the us, the people of Isroel. He gave me the comfortable chair and lit all the candles on the Menorah, as well as a stick of incense with gefilthe blossom. At the centre of the altar was a photograph of tRancie receiving his award from the Israeli embassy a few years ago, flanked on the left by one of those beautiful Israeli children signing the bombs about to be delivered to Lebanon. On the right side was the Calendar of events for June of the Golders Green Holocaust Museum and the take-way menu from the now-defunct Kosher-Stews-R-Us, which was closed down after the rabbi found some melted cheese in his Cholent.

“Aunty Ziona,” Tziga’le said, “tRancie came here a couple of nights ago to ask me to forgive him for not telling the whole world who the creative genius was behind those clips. I feel much better about it now, Aunti’e Ziona. tRancie asked me to turn my talents instead to creating a video which would portray him as a hero, no more talk about being part of the Sayanim. A saviour of the world, coming to the aid of the workers’ children needing to be rescued from burning synagogues and such-like.”

He paused to pour us each a glass of Yarden Gewurztraminer Vintage imported from Isreel, which he picked up at Steimatzky’s store, and has been keeping for a special occasion.

“He promised that if I could portray him in a heroic light, he would give me full credit for creating the clip. But he insisted I had to make him look really magnificent. Well, I got to work straight away, Auntie Z. Watch this!” he said, clinking glasses…

United Against Racism!